This is the day when things fall into place
This morning has me thinking back to about 1/2 a lifetime ago: the 8th grade. What a year that was! A brand new school, and a very small one at that, just for 1 year before I'd go on to a completely different high school. I was left with little time to adjust to an environment where everyone else knew the system, and cliques (for the most part) had been long since formed. I became #10 in a class of 10. Number 6 of what would wind up being 7 siblings was on the way. Moving out of the town where I had finally gotten comfortable over the past 3 years was becoming likely.
Somehow, with all of its challenges, that 8th grade year ended up being one of the best years of my life. It was not without heartbreak -- after all, I had a (airquotes) boyfriend (end airquotes), and he dumped me for my best friend, on Valentine's Day that year! But many good things happenned. One of those good things couldn't have happenned had I not been "dumped", so I'm grateful for the way things turned out.
I remember my reaction to the initial upheaval... lots of moping, crying, stomach-aches, brooding -- quinessential teen hormonal stuff.
I also remember when all of that turned around. Lucky for me, it was not long after V-day that year (which, in teens years, still felt like an eternity, but whatever). And I remember how it all began: I heard "Man on the Moon" by REM for the first time on the radio.
Since then, when I've been on the verge of a major change in my life, I've heard that REM song, or The The's This Is The Day, on the radio. Sometimes both. It's eerie when it happens, because sometimes the change is for the better (it was back then), and sometimes I find my world turned upside down afterward (someone I care about dies, a break-up, a job change, what-have-you). What's striking is that neither of these songs are currently mainstream radio material. Yet one, or the other, or both always seem to pop up when something beyond the ordinary is about to happen to me. I never catch them midsong, it's always from the top. And I almost never see the changes coming.
Recently, my life has changed in a pretty major way. Last year in May, I started putting some boundaries around the way I eat. 18 pounds came off by doing this, with little to no exercise, and that was nice. But I was still experiencing craving for foods that cause problems for me, and the person that was helping me up until now told me she couldn't help me anymore because of her own issues.
I panicked. I couldn't do what I've been doing by myself, and I knew it! I needed support, and had no idea where to turn. I spent a week on the verge of tears, most people not knowing why. (Miraculously, a workplace aquaintance inquired a few days back. I explained to her in basic terms what was wrong, and she encouraged me not to give up on my food-related efforts.)
Yesterday, the last song that played before I drove into the parking garage at work was the The The song. A few days prior, I had heard Man on the Moon.
Last night, someone who has lost the same amount of weight loss that I'm looking for (~100 additional pounds or so) became willing to support me -- to teach me what she did so I can do the same myself. I had wanted to work with her all along, but she seemed too busy already. I didn't ask her directly, I simply expressed my dire need for help. And she took me on.
So here I sit this morning, typing this entry. I'm drinking my coffee, which lacks sugar and cream -- but does have 1/4 cup skim milk in it. (I won't expound on how that takes all of the fun out of coffee, because there's no use complaining now!) I've asked God for help, and I am now as confident as I can be that I'm ready to start my mostly sugar-free (except what's in fruits that don't cause cravings) existence. I also have the support of a loving boyfriend, and am trusting that my friends and family will back me up too. With a nutritionist on board, I am confident that my dietary needs will be met.
I know this won't be easy. Sugar's addictive, and removing it is bound to make me a little "weird" for awhile. (For those who know me, I should say "weirder", but that kinda goes without saying.) But I also know what I need to do. Having that sense of direction, even down a bumpy road, is worth more to me than feeling lost coupled with the opportunity to satisfy a craving anyday.
2/5/10 -- day 1. This is the day, my life will surely change.
Somehow, with all of its challenges, that 8th grade year ended up being one of the best years of my life. It was not without heartbreak -- after all, I had a (airquotes) boyfriend (end airquotes), and he dumped me for my best friend, on Valentine's Day that year! But many good things happenned. One of those good things couldn't have happenned had I not been "dumped", so I'm grateful for the way things turned out.
I remember my reaction to the initial upheaval... lots of moping, crying, stomach-aches, brooding -- quinessential teen hormonal stuff.
I also remember when all of that turned around. Lucky for me, it was not long after V-day that year (which, in teens years, still felt like an eternity, but whatever). And I remember how it all began: I heard "Man on the Moon" by REM for the first time on the radio.
Since then, when I've been on the verge of a major change in my life, I've heard that REM song, or The The's This Is The Day, on the radio. Sometimes both. It's eerie when it happens, because sometimes the change is for the better (it was back then), and sometimes I find my world turned upside down afterward (someone I care about dies, a break-up, a job change, what-have-you). What's striking is that neither of these songs are currently mainstream radio material. Yet one, or the other, or both always seem to pop up when something beyond the ordinary is about to happen to me. I never catch them midsong, it's always from the top. And I almost never see the changes coming.
Recently, my life has changed in a pretty major way. Last year in May, I started putting some boundaries around the way I eat. 18 pounds came off by doing this, with little to no exercise, and that was nice. But I was still experiencing craving for foods that cause problems for me, and the person that was helping me up until now told me she couldn't help me anymore because of her own issues.
I panicked. I couldn't do what I've been doing by myself, and I knew it! I needed support, and had no idea where to turn. I spent a week on the verge of tears, most people not knowing why. (Miraculously, a workplace aquaintance inquired a few days back. I explained to her in basic terms what was wrong, and she encouraged me not to give up on my food-related efforts.)
Yesterday, the last song that played before I drove into the parking garage at work was the The The song. A few days prior, I had heard Man on the Moon.
Last night, someone who has lost the same amount of weight loss that I'm looking for (~100 additional pounds or so) became willing to support me -- to teach me what she did so I can do the same myself. I had wanted to work with her all along, but she seemed too busy already. I didn't ask her directly, I simply expressed my dire need for help. And she took me on.
So here I sit this morning, typing this entry. I'm drinking my coffee, which lacks sugar and cream -- but does have 1/4 cup skim milk in it. (I won't expound on how that takes all of the fun out of coffee, because there's no use complaining now!) I've asked God for help, and I am now as confident as I can be that I'm ready to start my mostly sugar-free (except what's in fruits that don't cause cravings) existence. I also have the support of a loving boyfriend, and am trusting that my friends and family will back me up too. With a nutritionist on board, I am confident that my dietary needs will be met.
I know this won't be easy. Sugar's addictive, and removing it is bound to make me a little "weird" for awhile. (For those who know me, I should say "weirder", but that kinda goes without saying.) But I also know what I need to do. Having that sense of direction, even down a bumpy road, is worth more to me than feeling lost coupled with the opportunity to satisfy a craving anyday.
2/5/10 -- day 1. This is the day, my life will surely change.