The Cat and the Baboon
Many gems can be found in the Audible audio version of David Sedaris' Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk, not the least of which is hearing octogenarian diva Elaine Stritch read "The Cat and the Baboon", delivering lines such as "It’s good to have a clean anus. Why, I lick mine at least five times a day," and "I don’t care how much money you have, I’m not making conversation with anyone who licks his own ass", which I think is my new ringtone.