(no subject)
well it's official... i broke my foot. it is currently in a splint (which is pretty torturous b/c i can't get to half my leg and i can't move my ankle at all) and i have 2 days to make an appointment w/an osteopath who will further diagnose me. hopefully they will not say i need surgery. that would mean i have to wear a cast and stay off my foot for 6 weeks... which means i am unemployed for 6 weeks btw... but it would be better than having to have surgery. then i'd be unemployed *and* have to pay for surgery. it's bad enough that i will be unemployed and have to pay for the e.r. trip and the trip to the osteopath. i'm just not a happy camper right now. in addition to my very real financial concerns, i am not good at being injured.
i haven't been forced to depend on anyone else since i was 16. and i was encouraged to be independent even before that. so needing someone else to drive me around all day and having to get doc to help me walk. it's already driving me nuts and it's been a day. i do NOT like depending on someone else. if i ask him to do something i could very well do myself, it can be fun. this... is not fun. in addition to that, i don't like feeling helpless. and not being mobile (w/o either a lot of assistance or a lot of pain) is making me feel helpless on top of dependent. i keep trying to do normal everyday things and i can't. it's making me very cranky and angry. i am just not good at not being able to do normal things. it takes planning just to go to the bathroom. and i think i'm going to end up having to sleep on my massage table b/c i can't see going up and down the stairs to get to bed. right now i'm so clumsy on the crutches that i'm afraid i'll hurt something else and make it worse. and in addition to all that, i'm stuck being inactive. and that is something i also suck at. i can't dance, walk, or even move my ankle. and i'm looking at several weeks of sitting on my ass. i can't imagine how much of a bitch i'm gonna be if i have to be helpless, dependent, and inactive for over a month. and on top of all that, doc is supposed to deploy in a few weeks. the joy just keeps on flowin'.
i haven't been forced to depend on anyone else since i was 16. and i was encouraged to be independent even before that. so needing someone else to drive me around all day and having to get doc to help me walk. it's already driving me nuts and it's been a day. i do NOT like depending on someone else. if i ask him to do something i could very well do myself, it can be fun. this... is not fun. in addition to that, i don't like feeling helpless. and not being mobile (w/o either a lot of assistance or a lot of pain) is making me feel helpless on top of dependent. i keep trying to do normal everyday things and i can't. it's making me very cranky and angry. i am just not good at not being able to do normal things. it takes planning just to go to the bathroom. and i think i'm going to end up having to sleep on my massage table b/c i can't see going up and down the stairs to get to bed. right now i'm so clumsy on the crutches that i'm afraid i'll hurt something else and make it worse. and in addition to all that, i'm stuck being inactive. and that is something i also suck at. i can't dance, walk, or even move my ankle. and i'm looking at several weeks of sitting on my ass. i can't imagine how much of a bitch i'm gonna be if i have to be helpless, dependent, and inactive for over a month. and on top of all that, doc is supposed to deploy in a few weeks. the joy just keeps on flowin'.