(no subject)
So I stayed up late last night talking with someone about my blah-like feelings lately, and it really helped…thanks you!
I only got 3 hrs of sleep though, since I had to be in at work at 7am. I had gotten some donut holes and a kolache on my way to work, but once I was there, I ate like half my kolache. So then, after some of the students were done with their assignments, they came up to the desk, and sat around me talking to me about silly stuff and whatnot. Well this one kid, who's always picking on me, I think he's a junior, anyway, he sees my half-eaten kolache, and asked if I was done with it. I said yeah, so he gets it, warms it up in the microwave and ate it! The whole time I was just thinking ewwwwwwwwww. I guess the problem is that they see me as one of them, and I have to really show I'm an authority figure there, but it's still something I need to get used to. Anyway, I took someone's phone up when it began to ring, and I answered it. It was silly. I kept it until the end of the period, and began looking thru it and stuff...eww.
The he shows me a picture of his bike, or what was left of it, and it seemed a bit ironic that of all days, he showed it to me today. So I told him that today was a bad day to talk about car accidents, and they kept bugging me about it, so I finally told them about my brother, and they were left speechless. And just in time, the bell rang. I told them to be more careful, and to think about their actions, and I hope I got through some of them.
So it's 10pm, almost around the time I answered that phone call 4 yrs ago tonight. It was a Friday night, we went out to eat, and I was mad at Victor, my bro, for not going with the rest of the fam to go eat. We got back home, and he's getting ready to go out bc one of his friends convinced him to. Yet earlier he didn't want to go out because he had a fever blister, and didn't want ppl to see him with it.... arg. It pissed me off, so when he left, I didn't tell him, bye, love ya take care or give him a kiss goodbye on the cheek like I always did. It was exactly around this time, 10ish, a lil bit after, when he left, and at about 10:45 I get the phone call to go to the hospital because he was in an accident.
His 2 best buds were already there, and just by the looks on their faces, you could tell it was not gonna be easy. These 2 tall, "too cool for you" type of guys looked the most worried and scared ever. Soon, the ER was filling up with my bros friends, as word got around about the accident. My mom and I went upstairs, to the NICU waiting area, and soon they brought in my bro- he looked bad, but we couldn't see him just yet. Then, my dad, other brother and his very pregnant wife at the time, came in to tell us the news they'd gotten downstairs from one of the doctors. "He'll probably live the rest of his life in and out of hospitals. He's paralyzed, and there's a probability he won't be able to move from the neck down.." You could just imagine a mothers' pain when my mother heard those words, I cried and cried for hours. I finally went down stairs to tell the 2 guys that'd been there all along the news, and they cried as well. He had a friend traveling with him. He was ejected from his seat out the windshield, but only needed some stitches on his ear.
Later that night I went back down again, by myself, to the chapel. I cried and screamed there on my own, but of my brothers friends had seen me go in. She had a brother who died a few years back, and just gave me some really good advice on how to deal with stuff. I never thought I’d be close with my brother’s girlfriends because I was too ashamed of how he treated them, to actually talk to them. I was glad to have talked to her that night though, it helped. Soon, the chapel was filled with a lot of my brother’s friends, and my mother came down as well.
My brother and parents got to go in and see him and talk to him, but I refused to go in that night. Victor to me was just this big tall guy who always protected me from everything; he was invincible, nothing could ever harm him, and to have this happen, it was just a low blow. It was getting late, people began leaving, and as I mentioned, my sister in law was very pregnant, so my brother took her home at about 4:30 am. I wanted to stay with my parents, but they made me go home with them, and they let my parents stay in the waiting room that night. Saturday, the phone was off the hook, people kept calling over and over to see what had happened, and they had all these different versions of what had happened, it was insane. We showered, ate, and went back to the hospital, and made my parents go home and get some rest. Well… according to my mother, when they got home, the first thing they saw by the door was Victor’s work boots, and my father finally lost it. She says he was just screaming, and crying, my father, a man I’ve never even seen shed a tear, completely lost it.
By Sunday, the whole family pretty much already knew, and had gone by to visit. I went to mass, and kept crying non-stop through the whole thing, since it was called for my brother. After mass, we went back to the hospital, and that evening, is when I finally decided to go in and see him. I don’t think I can go on and describe what I saw, but it was just so heart breaking. And then, since visiting hours were only for 30 min at a time, it was quick, since the whole waiting area was full of family, friends, and ex-girlfriends of his who hated each other, but had to go in together if they wanted to see him, now that was humoring, I have to admit.
For years, and my brother, thank god, does most things on his own now, and he even went back to school, and will get his degree in IT by the fall. He does move his arms and hands, and slowly beginning to move his fingers. He does have some reflexes, and we just have high hopes for him. it hurts to remember the past, but in a way, it hurts more to remember the future, or what would've been. But I know that some day, he’ll no longer need that chair, God willing, of course.