Update
Update
Current mood:
tired
Category: Life
Hello Ladies. and few select gentleman....
I'm still alive, barely. This week has been one rollercoaster filled with so many suprising loops and turns.....I'm ready to get my feet on solid ground! And for them to remain so for awhile.
Funeral for Paul is tomorrow, actually a memorial since we had him cremated as was his wish. All of this just hits too close in familairity for me, I feel like I'm living 5 years ago all over again with my grandfather's (adopted dad) death. Which is bizarre because I actually ran away from his death and memorial....I went to colorado the day after and just refused to aknowledge it, like that would mean it wasn't real or something. In the end it only made me regretful for abandoning my family when they needed me most and not getting to say goodbye to him apparently is something I needed.
With Paul it's a bit different, yes, it was sudden and certainly not the way we all thought he would go. BUT, we all had father's day with him....Evan, Jarrod, Gary, Nan & myself got one last family memory with him, that I'm sure is a Godsend. I'm quite content to have my final memory of Paul being of him sitting beside me eating outback and talking about things as if we had all the time in the world.
*sigh* Evan on the other hand, is still in denial....he just won't cry! He won't let it sink in and that frightens me, I think tomorrow it will and when it does I just hope and PRAY Gary is there to give him the solice and comfort I apparently can't give him. We've been together 4 years and have only 2 deaths close to us but none this close.....this is a entirely new thing in our marriage...one I hope will not be repeated for a LONG time. Our families ways of griving and handling death are so different and sometimes it's hard for me to understand it, I know it's eating him up, he's been so depressed all week and not social.....just kinda like Nan refers Gary to being on "autopilot".
Guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens tomorrow. There's so much family in town that we haven't seen in a long time and yesterday I took Desi and Bryan to Denton with me for the day....being with all the cousins was a lot of fun and helped keep things on a normality.
IN OTHER NEWS:
Desi and Bryan flew out this morning, I miss her already! I don't get to see her like I do my other brothers and sister and considering we just found each other less than a year ago.....I'm very selfish with my time with her. Evan and I need to go to North Carolina and see where she grew up and meet some of her family that raised her. Hopefully, she'll get into this nursing school in Denver and be a bit closer to me!!! She was kind enough to stick through this week even with Evan and I dealing with so much! Bryan is a nice guy, we really like him.....hopefully he knows we approve of him. He came to Texas to meet so many new people and was even thrown into another family on top of that...not many people could do as well as he did.
I got to see Jonathon yesterday. My brother is too handsome, gosh...seriously he's not my little brother!!! At 21 he's a handsome Man and for some reason it sank in yesterday watching him with Desi and being the "big brother" as he watched Bryan throughout our visit like he was sizing him up. ha ha. We might go out next friday just the 2 of us for dinner and a movie.....A FIRST! So, I'm excited. I love my brother.
My car is totaled according to my insurance. I don't understand them...in the end of all this, if I buy my car back from them I still get 600$ more than what the estimate is on the repairs.....they are aware of this and yet still just want to just give me a HUGE check and lose their own money. At the same time, I could just as easily buy another new car for the same amount I bought my alero......but I fell in love with her and she deserves more time than just 2 measley weeks with me. Not to mention we only had 1 estimate done and have someone else who could fix her for probably less that the estimate.......which would mean...MORE MONEY BACK.....We'll cross that bridge when we get there.....I have the rental until next WED. so we'll see. I haven't talked to Gary about it and right now is not time appropriate if you know what I mean.
ALRIGHT, well....I'm at work for a few hours so maybe I should do some actual .....W O R K. I hope you guys and gals have had a better week than me. Enjoy your weekend and remember to make time for little things in life!
Britt-