LJ Idol Season 6: Week 0 - Introduction
Here lies one whose name was writ in fire...
There once was a famous poet who worried he would die without his words having made an impact on the world, that he would sink quietly into the easeful waters of death without so much as making a ripple. Thus, in the last days of his life, when it was clear his pen would no longer glean his teeming brain, he made one request of his friend: To inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies one whose name was writ in water". Simply that, and nothing more. Not even a name. An anonymous, English poet dead before his time, resting in a cemetery in Rome.
At my lowest points-and make no mistake, I do struggle with lows from time to time-I can empathize with him, feel the weight of those words settling over my shoulders in a drowning cloak. How to make one's voice heard over the commotion of the world, where everyone is yelling into the void, equally desperate to have someone, anyone, hear? At my best and brightest, I embrace the first thought of this entry. I know I have in me that which will kindle sparks in the minds of strangers, light fires wherever I go, leave a searing mark upon others...for better or worse. It is always my hope it will be for the better.
At all times, highs and lows and the wandering, nomadic paths in between, I am mercurial. Restless in mind and soul in a way that there is a constant, quiet vibration of agitation in me that never lets me find total peace. Sometimes, this is a bad thing. I have burned many bridges and occasionally struggle with impulse control. For the record, it is amazing how frequently Carpe diem turns into It seemed like a good idea at the time...but then, such is life. Everyone learns faster when they're on fire.
It has been a good thing, quite often. It has led to me never quite being settled, but it has also led to me knowing myself far better than most, and honed my ability to continually see the world anew with a curious eye. My dry, tongue-in-cheek sense of humor has benefited from my love of the ever-changing absurd. From it has stemmed my acts of kindness and compassion, that deep wellspring of empathy that has enabled me to connect with others, quietly, and smoke out their demons. It has brought me my greatest heartbreak...but also my greatest love.
When I have harnessed my wandering, helter-skelter mind, great things have come of it. The problem is corralling it and taming it. To lose none of its power, but to get it to work for me rather than gallop around until it's worn circles in the ground. Wildly free and lovely, but ultimately of no use to anyone.
It has ever been my wish that I could catch fire and burn forever.
So here I am, a creature of flame and water.
Welcome to my headspace.
There once was a famous poet who worried he would die without his words having made an impact on the world, that he would sink quietly into the easeful waters of death without so much as making a ripple. Thus, in the last days of his life, when it was clear his pen would no longer glean his teeming brain, he made one request of his friend: To inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies one whose name was writ in water". Simply that, and nothing more. Not even a name. An anonymous, English poet dead before his time, resting in a cemetery in Rome.
At my lowest points-and make no mistake, I do struggle with lows from time to time-I can empathize with him, feel the weight of those words settling over my shoulders in a drowning cloak. How to make one's voice heard over the commotion of the world, where everyone is yelling into the void, equally desperate to have someone, anyone, hear? At my best and brightest, I embrace the first thought of this entry. I know I have in me that which will kindle sparks in the minds of strangers, light fires wherever I go, leave a searing mark upon others...for better or worse. It is always my hope it will be for the better.
At all times, highs and lows and the wandering, nomadic paths in between, I am mercurial. Restless in mind and soul in a way that there is a constant, quiet vibration of agitation in me that never lets me find total peace. Sometimes, this is a bad thing. I have burned many bridges and occasionally struggle with impulse control. For the record, it is amazing how frequently Carpe diem turns into It seemed like a good idea at the time...but then, such is life. Everyone learns faster when they're on fire.
It has been a good thing, quite often. It has led to me never quite being settled, but it has also led to me knowing myself far better than most, and honed my ability to continually see the world anew with a curious eye. My dry, tongue-in-cheek sense of humor has benefited from my love of the ever-changing absurd. From it has stemmed my acts of kindness and compassion, that deep wellspring of empathy that has enabled me to connect with others, quietly, and smoke out their demons. It has brought me my greatest heartbreak...but also my greatest love.
When I have harnessed my wandering, helter-skelter mind, great things have come of it. The problem is corralling it and taming it. To lose none of its power, but to get it to work for me rather than gallop around until it's worn circles in the ground. Wildly free and lovely, but ultimately of no use to anyone.
It has ever been my wish that I could catch fire and burn forever.
So here I am, a creature of flame and water.
Welcome to my headspace.