hee hee!!!!!!!!!!!
have you ever been so full of unadulterated hate and rage that you have no choice but to be eerily calm on the surface? haha thats been my life for a while now. ive been (thankfully) able to keep it under wraps for now, but i feel like im just gonna go ballistic when i actually let even a little bit out. haha im my own Pandora's Box.
so in keeping with my car/driver analogy (see reference in earlier post) i think im gonna go from observer (the cautious passenger) to the antagonist (the guy in the backseat yelling at you to do something stupid). so as of right now i see the car in front of us, and instead of warning im gonna cover their eyes, tell them to go faster and watch them burn in flame. im so fucking sick of people calling me thier friend and asking my advice (cuz im SOOOOO good at it) and then nodding, and saying "yeah, thats right on, but fuck you im gonna do it my way instead." so you know what? fuck it and fuck you. you go ahead, im not saying a damn word. go take a flying fucking leap from a bridge and ill wave goodbye as you hit the pavement. so yeah i guess this is sorta my decree that YES, i have been putting on a mask for everyone, and YES, im gonna keep doing it until i explode, and NO, i dont give a FUCK about your safety anymore. im letting EVERYONE know that as of now im pulling out. ill be there in body and mind, but not in spirit. ill laugh, ill joke, but im not gonna give a shit about your well-being. you all want it this way, well you GOT IT! everyone tells me that i cant think about everyone else so much and i need to think about myself more, well now its ALL about ME. i know it sounds cold, but you all have no idea what youve put me through the last year. there are things that NONE of you know and prolly never will, cuz to be honest, i dont care about getting any closer to you. so there it is. its out. i know people are gonna be all fake about whats wrong. well ask away cuz i aint tellin you SHIT! you can all fucking rot in your uncertainty and guilt about not giving me what i needed. i GAVE AND GAVE AND GAVE and didnt get shit from any of you. i particularly loved the " so whats up with you Adam? oh nothing? well let me tell you about my fucking life and ask for your opinion and not really listen to any of it!" guess what people! when i say nothing, it means that im not gonna waste my time talking about it if you dont care to sit me down, look me in the eyes and ask me whats REALLY going on. i swear to God, when im driving in a car or having a walk and talk with someone i let them talk 90% of the time, cuz they OBVIOUSLY dotn care enough to really wanna know what im thinking. well this is getting way out there and wayyyyy too long. so save your fucking bullshit comments of fake interest (if you were even gonna comment at all), read what i have to say, and think about it next time you come in contact with a situation like this, cuz as for me, i just hit my emotional self destruct.
so in keeping with my car/driver analogy (see reference in earlier post) i think im gonna go from observer (the cautious passenger) to the antagonist (the guy in the backseat yelling at you to do something stupid). so as of right now i see the car in front of us, and instead of warning im gonna cover their eyes, tell them to go faster and watch them burn in flame. im so fucking sick of people calling me thier friend and asking my advice (cuz im SOOOOO good at it) and then nodding, and saying "yeah, thats right on, but fuck you im gonna do it my way instead." so you know what? fuck it and fuck you. you go ahead, im not saying a damn word. go take a flying fucking leap from a bridge and ill wave goodbye as you hit the pavement. so yeah i guess this is sorta my decree that YES, i have been putting on a mask for everyone, and YES, im gonna keep doing it until i explode, and NO, i dont give a FUCK about your safety anymore. im letting EVERYONE know that as of now im pulling out. ill be there in body and mind, but not in spirit. ill laugh, ill joke, but im not gonna give a shit about your well-being. you all want it this way, well you GOT IT! everyone tells me that i cant think about everyone else so much and i need to think about myself more, well now its ALL about ME. i know it sounds cold, but you all have no idea what youve put me through the last year. there are things that NONE of you know and prolly never will, cuz to be honest, i dont care about getting any closer to you. so there it is. its out. i know people are gonna be all fake about whats wrong. well ask away cuz i aint tellin you SHIT! you can all fucking rot in your uncertainty and guilt about not giving me what i needed. i GAVE AND GAVE AND GAVE and didnt get shit from any of you. i particularly loved the " so whats up with you Adam? oh nothing? well let me tell you about my fucking life and ask for your opinion and not really listen to any of it!" guess what people! when i say nothing, it means that im not gonna waste my time talking about it if you dont care to sit me down, look me in the eyes and ask me whats REALLY going on. i swear to God, when im driving in a car or having a walk and talk with someone i let them talk 90% of the time, cuz they OBVIOUSLY dotn care enough to really wanna know what im thinking. well this is getting way out there and wayyyyy too long. so save your fucking bullshit comments of fake interest (if you were even gonna comment at all), read what i have to say, and think about it next time you come in contact with a situation like this, cuz as for me, i just hit my emotional self destruct.