hurt/comfort challenge: Will, CJ, Toby
Characters: Will, CJ, Toby, a few others mentioned
Word Count: 574
Summary: As for Toby, he was his own group, watching the room, scanning for something.
Notes: This is a snippet of my much larger Berlin Wall AU fic, a Toby-centric fic that focusses on the staff as part of a resistance movement in East Berlin. This section fit the hurt/comfort prompt, so I thought I would post it. And posting snippets means I'm more likely to actually do the research and finish the thing.
Warnings: character death
The news of a death always caught them by surprise- it was to be expected, and yet Toby always same the same looks in everyone's eyes, and knew they were reflected in his own. Disbelief. Shock. An unwillingness to believe. This time they had lost a young man- hardly more than a child- named Will. The shock came not from Will's death, but from Will attempting to cross the wall. A shy boy, Will had kept mostly to himself, though his idealism rivalled that of Samuel's. As the room broke into hushed whispers, Toby looked for Claudia. When he approached, she spoke first, harshly.
"He didn't tell you, did he?"
The accusation stung, and Toby lowered his eyes, "No, no, Claudia. He spoke nothing to me."
"You have the trust of all the young ones here- he didn't hint of anything?"
"Claudia! There was nothing."
She nodded, turned away. "Oh," she called back over her shoulder, "It wouldn't kill you to call me CJ, would it?"
"Probably, Toby muttered to himself, wishing he could have a drink. He watched the room instead, watched the groups drift to different corners- watched the young ones slip away by themselves- no doubt to share their feelings of betrayal by Will. The professionals- or former professionals- had their own corner, whispering softly and glancing at the young ones. The oldest group, the one CJ had returned to, with Leo, were not whispering. Nor were they watching, as Toby was. They were staring at each other- at nothing, their thoughts impossible to read.
As for Toby, he was his own group, watching the room, scanning for something. Looking for the one person who could comfort him that he didn't have to comfort. But that wasn't how it was going to be. He was Tobias, the outsider. He had been since the beginning. His job was to comfort if he could and demand nothing back. He had, for so long, demanded no pity from others for his past, they had all become accustomed to not laying a comforting hand on his shoulder.
But Will's death hurt more than most. Will had been annoying, yes, and Toby hadn't liked him much at all. Poor boy was arrogant, but didn't have the right amount of smarts to pull it off. But he had been good at what he had done. And while they all dreamed of living in the Free Berlin, Toby thought it had been understood that they could not escape- that they had to stay here to create the other free Berlin. Or unite Berlin. Hope of a United Germany was possible, Toby thought. He thought they had all thought it too. It stung, knowing they hadn't. It stung knowing that he had the council and respect of the young ones, and still Will had not come to him. Perhaps Claudia had been right to accuse him of knowing something. If anything, he would have helped Will at great risk to his own life.
It wasn't until Leo left for half an hour and came back with the news 'they were looking for him' that everyone understood why Will had tried to cross. But of course they would have watched the Wall, Toby wanted to scream. We would have helped him! What kind of group is this that we cannot seek help from each other? He held his tongue, bit the inside of cheek, and silently recited El Maleh Rachamim.
Word Count: 574
Summary: As for Toby, he was his own group, watching the room, scanning for something.
Notes: This is a snippet of my much larger Berlin Wall AU fic, a Toby-centric fic that focusses on the staff as part of a resistance movement in East Berlin. This section fit the hurt/comfort prompt, so I thought I would post it. And posting snippets means I'm more likely to actually do the research and finish the thing.
Warnings: character death
The news of a death always caught them by surprise- it was to be expected, and yet Toby always same the same looks in everyone's eyes, and knew they were reflected in his own. Disbelief. Shock. An unwillingness to believe. This time they had lost a young man- hardly more than a child- named Will. The shock came not from Will's death, but from Will attempting to cross the wall. A shy boy, Will had kept mostly to himself, though his idealism rivalled that of Samuel's. As the room broke into hushed whispers, Toby looked for Claudia. When he approached, she spoke first, harshly.
"He didn't tell you, did he?"
The accusation stung, and Toby lowered his eyes, "No, no, Claudia. He spoke nothing to me."
"You have the trust of all the young ones here- he didn't hint of anything?"
"Claudia! There was nothing."
She nodded, turned away. "Oh," she called back over her shoulder, "It wouldn't kill you to call me CJ, would it?"
"Probably, Toby muttered to himself, wishing he could have a drink. He watched the room instead, watched the groups drift to different corners- watched the young ones slip away by themselves- no doubt to share their feelings of betrayal by Will. The professionals- or former professionals- had their own corner, whispering softly and glancing at the young ones. The oldest group, the one CJ had returned to, with Leo, were not whispering. Nor were they watching, as Toby was. They were staring at each other- at nothing, their thoughts impossible to read.
As for Toby, he was his own group, watching the room, scanning for something. Looking for the one person who could comfort him that he didn't have to comfort. But that wasn't how it was going to be. He was Tobias, the outsider. He had been since the beginning. His job was to comfort if he could and demand nothing back. He had, for so long, demanded no pity from others for his past, they had all become accustomed to not laying a comforting hand on his shoulder.
But Will's death hurt more than most. Will had been annoying, yes, and Toby hadn't liked him much at all. Poor boy was arrogant, but didn't have the right amount of smarts to pull it off. But he had been good at what he had done. And while they all dreamed of living in the Free Berlin, Toby thought it had been understood that they could not escape- that they had to stay here to create the other free Berlin. Or unite Berlin. Hope of a United Germany was possible, Toby thought. He thought they had all thought it too. It stung, knowing they hadn't. It stung knowing that he had the council and respect of the young ones, and still Will had not come to him. Perhaps Claudia had been right to accuse him of knowing something. If anything, he would have helped Will at great risk to his own life.
It wasn't until Leo left for half an hour and came back with the news 'they were looking for him' that everyone understood why Will had tried to cross. But of course they would have watched the Wall, Toby wanted to scream. We would have helped him! What kind of group is this that we cannot seek help from each other? He held his tongue, bit the inside of cheek, and silently recited El Maleh Rachamim.