[edit to last entry b/c no one got it]
I am not an idiot.
I do not want a baby without insurance.
If you knew me at all, you would know that's not what I meant.
And I am not sure why I am getting such harsh responses from people
that don't talk to me, or know who I am as a person at all.
Not you, Kev. <3
I meant I cannot see Tylor, (see disclaimer at bottom***)
settling down, getting a full-time job with benefits, or providing the other necessities
people have when deciding to have children, anytime soon.
Maybe not ever.
He is too free-spirited for that right now.
HOWEVER.
If I discovered I was pregnant, he would IMMEDIATELY take action
and do everything he needed to do to be the best Dad ever.
AKA we WOULD have insurance, and everything we needed for us, and the baby.
And my little vent/rant in the previous entry
simply expressed that I have discovered a desire in myself
to have a baby.
I am ready now.
Not to have one, but to WORK ON GETTING THERE.
He is not.
I wish he were.
I don't see it happening.
Therefore I wished I were pregnant
because then he would become a...
father.
And we would stop living like this.
And move on to better things.
And have insurance, and security.
Because that's what I want.
(***disclaimer: I love Tylor. And I am fully aware of who he is as a person. But doesn't everyone have at least one desire they do not share in common with someone they love? This is mine. It's a big one, but it's mine. I am also working as hard as I can to support myself, and get the "life essentials" we need. I am not depending on him to do so. I was having a weak moment, and was wishing for it to be easier on me. MY BAD.)
Also, I will never delete a journal entry or comment on my journal.
I realize it would have been easier than explaining all of this, but I like to look back at this,
to see how I felt at different times of my life.
This is for me.
Not for anyone else.
I do not want a baby without insurance.
If you knew me at all, you would know that's not what I meant.
And I am not sure why I am getting such harsh responses from people
that don't talk to me, or know who I am as a person at all.
Not you, Kev. <3
I meant I cannot see Tylor, (see disclaimer at bottom***)
settling down, getting a full-time job with benefits, or providing the other necessities
people have when deciding to have children, anytime soon.
Maybe not ever.
He is too free-spirited for that right now.
HOWEVER.
If I discovered I was pregnant, he would IMMEDIATELY take action
and do everything he needed to do to be the best Dad ever.
AKA we WOULD have insurance, and everything we needed for us, and the baby.
And my little vent/rant in the previous entry
simply expressed that I have discovered a desire in myself
to have a baby.
I am ready now.
Not to have one, but to WORK ON GETTING THERE.
He is not.
I wish he were.
I don't see it happening.
Therefore I wished I were pregnant
because then he would become a...
father.
And we would stop living like this.
And move on to better things.
And have insurance, and security.
Because that's what I want.
(***disclaimer: I love Tylor. And I am fully aware of who he is as a person. But doesn't everyone have at least one desire they do not share in common with someone they love? This is mine. It's a big one, but it's mine. I am also working as hard as I can to support myself, and get the "life essentials" we need. I am not depending on him to do so. I was having a weak moment, and was wishing for it to be easier on me. MY BAD.)
Also, I will never delete a journal entry or comment on my journal.
I realize it would have been easier than explaining all of this, but I like to look back at this,
to see how I felt at different times of my life.
This is for me.
Not for anyone else.