i don't even know..
i am feeling really weird tonight, and i am not sure why, but i feel like writting in my journal.
so, i guess i will.
this should be interesting.
today was my only day off in the past 7 days.
i am really tired, and i think i am getting whatever sickness that is going around.
which is not good, because for the first time in my life i have no health insurance!
and i tend to get sick a lot.
bronchitis at least twice a year.
hopefully it's not that.
i am still waiting to hear something from fccj about school.
well, about money for school.
this seriously sucks.
i will prob have to end up taking out a loan.
i am hoping to go back to school this spring.
i really wanted to this fall, but i haven't heard if i am getting money or not!
i just want to be done with this transitional period in my life.
it's weird, because i am only 20 (21 in 17 days)
but i want to start my life!
i have never been much of a party girl, or whatever.
and i don't really care about dressing a certain way,
or being classified in any sort of "group."
i want to grow up.
i always have.
i want to be doing important things.
i want to be helping people.
i want to wake up in the morning and focus on other things besides myself.
i really want to have a baby!
and it doesn't make sense because i have a lot of things to "finish" first.
you now the typical go to school, get a job thing.
but i am so ready to be a mom.
i want to care for someone else.
i want to be the only thing a little helpless baby can depend on.
we went to visit laura and joey today.
baby ella is amazing.
her little nursery is amazing.
it is so cute!
and i can't wait for that!
is that weird?
i don't know why i am typing all of this.
i guess just to get my thoughts out, and sort through them later.
i started to go back, and read this entry
and take some things out, or edit it down or whatever.
but i am not going to.
this is just my free flowing thoughts coming out.
and i am going to leave it that way.
i was looking at some of my friend's pages, and even my little sister's page on myspace.
it seems like everyone is the same.
everyone goes through the same stages.
the stupid junior high and high school "romances"
saying you're in love with every boy you "date"
and then growing up a little bit
getting into more serious things.
turning into another face in the crowd.
at the clubs
at the bars
etc
it just seems like everyone is the same.
then people eventually grow out of it and get married, and have kids and stuff.
but it seems like everyone goes through all these stupid phases.
i want my life to be different.
i want to be a different person.
so i guess it's good that i want to have responsibility,
drive, and focus in my life.
because that in itself already makes me a different person from my peers.
well, i am going to read some before bed.
and then starts a whole new week at texas roadhouse.
one day off
then another 5-6 days of work.
i just want something more.
so, i guess i will.
this should be interesting.
today was my only day off in the past 7 days.
i am really tired, and i think i am getting whatever sickness that is going around.
which is not good, because for the first time in my life i have no health insurance!
and i tend to get sick a lot.
bronchitis at least twice a year.
hopefully it's not that.
i am still waiting to hear something from fccj about school.
well, about money for school.
this seriously sucks.
i will prob have to end up taking out a loan.
i am hoping to go back to school this spring.
i really wanted to this fall, but i haven't heard if i am getting money or not!
i just want to be done with this transitional period in my life.
it's weird, because i am only 20 (21 in 17 days)
but i want to start my life!
i have never been much of a party girl, or whatever.
and i don't really care about dressing a certain way,
or being classified in any sort of "group."
i want to grow up.
i always have.
i want to be doing important things.
i want to be helping people.
i want to wake up in the morning and focus on other things besides myself.
i really want to have a baby!
and it doesn't make sense because i have a lot of things to "finish" first.
you now the typical go to school, get a job thing.
but i am so ready to be a mom.
i want to care for someone else.
i want to be the only thing a little helpless baby can depend on.
we went to visit laura and joey today.
baby ella is amazing.
her little nursery is amazing.
it is so cute!
and i can't wait for that!
is that weird?
i don't know why i am typing all of this.
i guess just to get my thoughts out, and sort through them later.
i started to go back, and read this entry
and take some things out, or edit it down or whatever.
but i am not going to.
this is just my free flowing thoughts coming out.
and i am going to leave it that way.
i was looking at some of my friend's pages, and even my little sister's page on myspace.
it seems like everyone is the same.
everyone goes through the same stages.
the stupid junior high and high school "romances"
saying you're in love with every boy you "date"
and then growing up a little bit
getting into more serious things.
turning into another face in the crowd.
at the clubs
at the bars
etc
it just seems like everyone is the same.
then people eventually grow out of it and get married, and have kids and stuff.
but it seems like everyone goes through all these stupid phases.
i want my life to be different.
i want to be a different person.
so i guess it's good that i want to have responsibility,
drive, and focus in my life.
because that in itself already makes me a different person from my peers.
well, i am going to read some before bed.
and then starts a whole new week at texas roadhouse.
one day off
then another 5-6 days of work.
i just want something more.