abandoned
SPERM DONOR
...is a great way to explain my father's roll in my life.
Which is nonexistant.
It seems I was only his daughter until I turned 18.
Then, all bets are off.
I'm on my own.
Fly solo, and leave the nest.
Only I never left his nest.
My Mother and Father, (Gene Ankrom)
provided the nest I rested in my entire life.
The only thing my SPERM DONOR provided
was a nest full of holes, sticks , and ridiculous expectations.
And if I didn't meet those expectations,
I was thrown out with underdeveloped wings,
left to fall and get hurt.
Sure he swooped down to pick up the pieces,
but unfortunately threw me out to get broken again and again.
I was never truly fixed.
I never really healed.
Everytime I approach my donor I fall, and hurt.
Break, and cry.
All because I can't meet his expectations.
I am a pigeon, when he wants a perfect dove.
But fortunately for me,
I met another pigeon.
And this pigeon comes with a happy nest full of family.
Here there are no expectations.
Only love, comfort, and a place to go when the world turns cold.
I am a happy bird with a happy family.
I have more love in my life than most people will ever experience.
I wish this man, the one who gave me life could see this.
I wish he too could be part of my wonderful life.
But we all make our own decisions,
and choose our own path.
I'm just thankful mine is going in the right direction.
Now let me explain why I wrote this, and what's going on in my life.
This is not to "oo and ah" over. This is not a gossip column.
I wanted to post this to express how I'm feeling right now.
Which is what a journal is essentially for right?
Even if it is on the internet.
I am getting married May, 18 2007 to a wonderful man.
Tylor Seaton.
Unfortunately my family is divided at this time.
This time, being the happiest time in my life.
My parents are divorced. Have been since I was 3.
It's okay, and for the best believe me.
My Mom (who I have lived with my entire life)
is an amazing, self sacrificing woman. I love her.
Her husband, and my father Gene Ankrom, is the man
I grew up with. (since I was 4)
We have not always seen eye to eye due to differences in
our personalities, but I love that man, and he has been
a great father to me throughout my life.
These people are very supportive and helping me in ANY way
they can. With my wedding, and other things. Even with things they
don't agree with. Because they are Godly people.
My natural father (as it addresses him on my birth certificate)
is not doing a thing to help us.
He decided I am not worthy of a nice wedding.
And that he doesn't have to help in any way.
"save your pennies" he says.
(leaving my mother and stepfather to pay every dime)
ANYWAY
Past all of that, and working through it without his help.
However me, being stupid, decided I would try to be the bigger person
and mend the wounds between Craig Jordan and I.
I came to Newnan (still here) called him.
Explained I was here and if he wanted to talk, I would meet with him.
(even though I DID NOT want to)
I called. And poured my story into the receiver.
The only word I heard from him was "okay"
in a very monotone I don't give two ___ about you
kind of way. And it turned me off. Completely.
I called him back, said I couldn't meet with him the day we planned,
and never called him again. I don't want to.
I am hurt. He doesn't care about me.
He doesn't care that I am getting married.
M-A-R-R-I-E-D. Unlike him it will only be ONE time.
With ONE person. FOREVER.
(marriage is kind of a big deal)
He doesn't care about mending the relationship.
ALL he cares about is money.
And not paying any.
He is so scared of having to pay for my wedding he is actually hiding from me.
He won't pay.
He will get out of it.
Just like he does everytime he "promises" me something.
BUT this time there will be no coming back to me.
There will be no "Oh Dad it's okay it's done let's have a relationship now."
NOPE. Because it is not fair my Mother has had to deal with his crap
for 20 YEARS now, then he backs out on
THE LAST THING HE HAS TO PAY FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!
and prob won't even ATTENED HIS ONLY DAUGHTER'S WEDDING
because he is SO SCARED of having to own up, man up, and take responsibility
for ONCE in his life.
All of this over $2300. Money. It's so stupid.
And for all the family involved. All the people messaging me trying to
"mediate" for us. These people who say they care SO much about me.
Well, I have been in Newnan for over 2 weeks now. Where are you?
You haven't called me. You haven't made arrangements to see me.
So, I don't want to hear your opinions anymore.
They are null and void.
So you can tell I'm hurt? Now you know why. You know the story.
I'm not talking about my past. I'm not bring up dead issues. I am talking
about what is here, and happening now. PLEASE pray for me.
I need strength to get through this. It's so hard for me.
Because... he is my "Daddy." As I called him growing up.
I miss him, want him in my life, but I don't know why. It hurts so bad.
...is a great way to explain my father's roll in my life.
Which is nonexistant.
It seems I was only his daughter until I turned 18.
Then, all bets are off.
I'm on my own.
Fly solo, and leave the nest.
Only I never left his nest.
My Mother and Father, (Gene Ankrom)
provided the nest I rested in my entire life.
The only thing my SPERM DONOR provided
was a nest full of holes, sticks , and ridiculous expectations.
And if I didn't meet those expectations,
I was thrown out with underdeveloped wings,
left to fall and get hurt.
Sure he swooped down to pick up the pieces,
but unfortunately threw me out to get broken again and again.
I was never truly fixed.
I never really healed.
Everytime I approach my donor I fall, and hurt.
Break, and cry.
All because I can't meet his expectations.
I am a pigeon, when he wants a perfect dove.
But fortunately for me,
I met another pigeon.
And this pigeon comes with a happy nest full of family.
Here there are no expectations.
Only love, comfort, and a place to go when the world turns cold.
I am a happy bird with a happy family.
I have more love in my life than most people will ever experience.
I wish this man, the one who gave me life could see this.
I wish he too could be part of my wonderful life.
But we all make our own decisions,
and choose our own path.
I'm just thankful mine is going in the right direction.
Now let me explain why I wrote this, and what's going on in my life.
This is not to "oo and ah" over. This is not a gossip column.
I wanted to post this to express how I'm feeling right now.
Which is what a journal is essentially for right?
Even if it is on the internet.
I am getting married May, 18 2007 to a wonderful man.
Tylor Seaton.
Unfortunately my family is divided at this time.
This time, being the happiest time in my life.
My parents are divorced. Have been since I was 3.
It's okay, and for the best believe me.
My Mom (who I have lived with my entire life)
is an amazing, self sacrificing woman. I love her.
Her husband, and my father Gene Ankrom, is the man
I grew up with. (since I was 4)
We have not always seen eye to eye due to differences in
our personalities, but I love that man, and he has been
a great father to me throughout my life.
These people are very supportive and helping me in ANY way
they can. With my wedding, and other things. Even with things they
don't agree with. Because they are Godly people.
My natural father (as it addresses him on my birth certificate)
is not doing a thing to help us.
He decided I am not worthy of a nice wedding.
And that he doesn't have to help in any way.
"save your pennies" he says.
(leaving my mother and stepfather to pay every dime)
ANYWAY
Past all of that, and working through it without his help.
However me, being stupid, decided I would try to be the bigger person
and mend the wounds between Craig Jordan and I.
I came to Newnan (still here) called him.
Explained I was here and if he wanted to talk, I would meet with him.
(even though I DID NOT want to)
I called. And poured my story into the receiver.
The only word I heard from him was "okay"
in a very monotone I don't give two ___ about you
kind of way. And it turned me off. Completely.
I called him back, said I couldn't meet with him the day we planned,
and never called him again. I don't want to.
I am hurt. He doesn't care about me.
He doesn't care that I am getting married.
M-A-R-R-I-E-D. Unlike him it will only be ONE time.
With ONE person. FOREVER.
(marriage is kind of a big deal)
He doesn't care about mending the relationship.
ALL he cares about is money.
And not paying any.
He is so scared of having to pay for my wedding he is actually hiding from me.
He won't pay.
He will get out of it.
Just like he does everytime he "promises" me something.
BUT this time there will be no coming back to me.
There will be no "Oh Dad it's okay it's done let's have a relationship now."
NOPE. Because it is not fair my Mother has had to deal with his crap
for 20 YEARS now, then he backs out on
THE LAST THING HE HAS TO PAY FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!
and prob won't even ATTENED HIS ONLY DAUGHTER'S WEDDING
because he is SO SCARED of having to own up, man up, and take responsibility
for ONCE in his life.
All of this over $2300. Money. It's so stupid.
And for all the family involved. All the people messaging me trying to
"mediate" for us. These people who say they care SO much about me.
Well, I have been in Newnan for over 2 weeks now. Where are you?
You haven't called me. You haven't made arrangements to see me.
So, I don't want to hear your opinions anymore.
They are null and void.
So you can tell I'm hurt? Now you know why. You know the story.
I'm not talking about my past. I'm not bring up dead issues. I am talking
about what is here, and happening now. PLEASE pray for me.
I need strength to get through this. It's so hard for me.
Because... he is my "Daddy." As I called him growing up.
I miss him, want him in my life, but I don't know why. It hurts so bad.