The beginning
To anyone who stumbles onto this journal, welcome. I am a man who was born into a woman's body, and I'm trying to correct nature's mistake. I have a really long road ahead of me and this all feels very intimidating, especially since my family does not support me whatsoever at this time. I am starting this journal to try to not give up hope by documenting small victories and tiny bits of progress, and I'd like to think someone else out there is reading this, and that it helps give hope to other people with the same problem.
I have struggled with this all of my life, but I never did anything about it. I finally realised I can do something about it, and took that first step, which is seeing a therapist and talking about it. She is not a specialist and there is not one anywhere near my area, but I was referred to her because she has worked with many transgender clients before and knows more than enough about my problem to give me advice. I've been seeing her for maybe a month now, and I see her weekly. She has been boosting my confidence slightly and I usually feel better after our sessions, but I keep bumping up against resistance from my family.
A few months ago, I finally cut my hair short, and I've been keeping it short. I've pretty much been binding since my breasts grew by wearing the smallest bra I had instead of the ones that fit me, but I was forced to stop by my mother because she said it would injure me. Ever since then I would only do it in private until around the time I got my hair cut (I am 26 and my mother has not had legal power over me for a long time now); I wear a combination of 1-2 sports bras and/or bandages to try to flatten my breasts and I find my social anxiety lessens slightly when I can go out like this. I ordered my first proper binder online today from ftm.underworks.com...here's hoping it arrives quickly and fits properly.
I've also been trying very hard to lose weight to remove my feminine curves but I have not yet had any success with anything I've tried, and feel my genetics are going to be working against me, since all of my family and relatives are all substantially heavier than me. I am going to try forcing myself to go swimming in the future, even though it is hard for me because it makes me feel very self conscious of my body, and I will be trying a new diet supplement to try to kickstart my weight loss. Hopefully it should arrive soon as well.
I hope things move forward from here, and I hope some that someday I will look back on this picture as a suffering that is behind me. Thank you to my friend for helping me finish it.
I have struggled with this all of my life, but I never did anything about it. I finally realised I can do something about it, and took that first step, which is seeing a therapist and talking about it. She is not a specialist and there is not one anywhere near my area, but I was referred to her because she has worked with many transgender clients before and knows more than enough about my problem to give me advice. I've been seeing her for maybe a month now, and I see her weekly. She has been boosting my confidence slightly and I usually feel better after our sessions, but I keep bumping up against resistance from my family.
A few months ago, I finally cut my hair short, and I've been keeping it short. I've pretty much been binding since my breasts grew by wearing the smallest bra I had instead of the ones that fit me, but I was forced to stop by my mother because she said it would injure me. Ever since then I would only do it in private until around the time I got my hair cut (I am 26 and my mother has not had legal power over me for a long time now); I wear a combination of 1-2 sports bras and/or bandages to try to flatten my breasts and I find my social anxiety lessens slightly when I can go out like this. I ordered my first proper binder online today from ftm.underworks.com...here's hoping it arrives quickly and fits properly.
I've also been trying very hard to lose weight to remove my feminine curves but I have not yet had any success with anything I've tried, and feel my genetics are going to be working against me, since all of my family and relatives are all substantially heavier than me. I am going to try forcing myself to go swimming in the future, even though it is hard for me because it makes me feel very self conscious of my body, and I will be trying a new diet supplement to try to kickstart my weight loss. Hopefully it should arrive soon as well.
I hope things move forward from here, and I hope some that someday I will look back on this picture as a suffering that is behind me. Thank you to my friend for helping me finish it.