WOW!
greetings, LIVEJOURNAL! its been a long ass time!!
I was just hanging out with my buddy, talking about how the internet "used ta be" and i was like, i used to fuck around on livejournal, yo! and she was all "ME TOO!" so i came and read all this trash and was alternately embarrassed and proud and amused by my little 2002-2007 self.
Does anyone still use see this stuff? if so, HI old bud!
Anyway my friend and i were talking about how we never write shit down anymore. and i do, and i have but so rarely that it doesnt make sense to use a paper journal, that id probably just lose anyway, and since this stuff has been here since '02, it just makes sense to keep adding to the embarrasing timeline of my emo teenhood and early 20s.
Soo, I live in murfreesboro tennessee. pretty much a boring shithole, but im in nursing school, so that keeps me very entertained. i live with my sexxy boyfriend of 2 and a half years, by far my longest relationship, fyi. we also share our cozy home with a just-turned-18 college freshman, the daughter of our friend and acupuncturist. she can kind of be a pain sometimes, hell they both can!
So now lets talk about whats in my head these days. lately i feel nostalgic for bygone times. not necessarily all the drunken wildness i wrote about throughout this diary, or the heartache or weirdness i felt toward myself. obviously. but its just that my life is so doggone DIFFERENT than it used to be. im practically married with a full grown child. im like WAIT UP!! didnt i miss a step. i try to tell myself its temporary, and it is. i mean ive only sequestered myself to this lonely boring crap-hole whilst i attend college here, because the vibrant queer community out in the country where i lived for about 6 months when i first moved here, and is the reason i moved here, is just too far to drive for class and clinical at 6:30 am.
and i know what im doing is important, for the future of myself and my community, and so i can finance my dream horse farm! its just so lonely sometimes, and i miss being a wild ass, or at least a social-ass. i miss having deep spiritual and political convos with people who inspire the shit outta me. i miss easy access to friends.
however, today i was proactive and took matters into my own hands. i finished most of my school work last night and went to track down some old buddies who were visiting the aforementioned queer community. and it was RAD. i cant tell you when was the last time i just sat around and drank coffee and talked with people for the better part of the day. usually i'm so tense and anxious about a deadline or a test, that i stress myself out so much that i cant relax, don't have fun, and have to leave. and now as a result of that hang out i have an inspired new life plan that involves getting a certification to practice somatic experiencing therapy while i get my RN! winning!
so in conclusion, im going to continue to try and make more of an effort to not be so isolated in school and boyfriend land (cuz i dont wanna go down that insular nuclear family road!) and i do much better and live better and will be able to do my life's work if i remember i have good buds and am continually inspired by them. seems like such an obvious thing, but when you're busy as i am and a little isolated, its hard to think that way. i will get through this! and be better for it! yeah!
Also, this entry might make it seem like i am an ungrateful turd. but let it be known that i know full well how lucky i am, to have the finances and grades to be able to go to nursing school, to have a stable enough life and a stable place to do it in. i live in a really nice house and my BF is amazing. he is so supportive and cooks for me when im too busy to eat, and loves me down.
this is just my existential crisis of the week.
signing out!
I was just hanging out with my buddy, talking about how the internet "used ta be" and i was like, i used to fuck around on livejournal, yo! and she was all "ME TOO!" so i came and read all this trash and was alternately embarrassed and proud and amused by my little 2002-2007 self.
Does anyone still use see this stuff? if so, HI old bud!
Anyway my friend and i were talking about how we never write shit down anymore. and i do, and i have but so rarely that it doesnt make sense to use a paper journal, that id probably just lose anyway, and since this stuff has been here since '02, it just makes sense to keep adding to the embarrasing timeline of my emo teenhood and early 20s.
Soo, I live in murfreesboro tennessee. pretty much a boring shithole, but im in nursing school, so that keeps me very entertained. i live with my sexxy boyfriend of 2 and a half years, by far my longest relationship, fyi. we also share our cozy home with a just-turned-18 college freshman, the daughter of our friend and acupuncturist. she can kind of be a pain sometimes, hell they both can!
So now lets talk about whats in my head these days. lately i feel nostalgic for bygone times. not necessarily all the drunken wildness i wrote about throughout this diary, or the heartache or weirdness i felt toward myself. obviously. but its just that my life is so doggone DIFFERENT than it used to be. im practically married with a full grown child. im like WAIT UP!! didnt i miss a step. i try to tell myself its temporary, and it is. i mean ive only sequestered myself to this lonely boring crap-hole whilst i attend college here, because the vibrant queer community out in the country where i lived for about 6 months when i first moved here, and is the reason i moved here, is just too far to drive for class and clinical at 6:30 am.
and i know what im doing is important, for the future of myself and my community, and so i can finance my dream horse farm! its just so lonely sometimes, and i miss being a wild ass, or at least a social-ass. i miss having deep spiritual and political convos with people who inspire the shit outta me. i miss easy access to friends.
however, today i was proactive and took matters into my own hands. i finished most of my school work last night and went to track down some old buddies who were visiting the aforementioned queer community. and it was RAD. i cant tell you when was the last time i just sat around and drank coffee and talked with people for the better part of the day. usually i'm so tense and anxious about a deadline or a test, that i stress myself out so much that i cant relax, don't have fun, and have to leave. and now as a result of that hang out i have an inspired new life plan that involves getting a certification to practice somatic experiencing therapy while i get my RN! winning!
so in conclusion, im going to continue to try and make more of an effort to not be so isolated in school and boyfriend land (cuz i dont wanna go down that insular nuclear family road!) and i do much better and live better and will be able to do my life's work if i remember i have good buds and am continually inspired by them. seems like such an obvious thing, but when you're busy as i am and a little isolated, its hard to think that way. i will get through this! and be better for it! yeah!
Also, this entry might make it seem like i am an ungrateful turd. but let it be known that i know full well how lucky i am, to have the finances and grades to be able to go to nursing school, to have a stable enough life and a stable place to do it in. i live in a really nice house and my BF is amazing. he is so supportive and cooks for me when im too busy to eat, and loves me down.
this is just my existential crisis of the week.
signing out!