(no subject)
0454 hrs.
"sorry, you're not my type of girl."
"what? sophisticated?"
"no...single."
some people do things that make me think, "if that was me, i wouldn't be doing it or i would feel remorse for doing it." i dont think they do that and it kinda makes me question them as a person. i kinda thought that there were things that were just understood but i guess sometimes i assume wrong or just think too much of people. what do you do about that?
things get kinda rough at times. at night things sometimes tend to hit pretty hard. my mind races into areas i dont want to venture and i dont like it and i wish it wouldnt do it. my mind seems to have a mind of its own and it disobeys me. i thought we were supposed to be friends, we were supposed to coincide with one another and get along and be cooperative. this piece of shit, i think its good for nothing at times. things like this are often the cause of my sleeplessness. i think im going to go visit the doc while i got the chance for maybe some ambien so i can maybe get some rest on the nights that i cant. or maybe eventually me and my mind will reconnect and get along.
yea...i really do think to much at times and too often than not put more thought into things than is needed.
i filled up my journal last night. i started it in 2005 and just now got all the pages filled. it filled pretty much perfectly too. as soon as i was done on the last page i had no more to write. i noticed though that i wrote a lot more when i was in NC than i have since i moved back. mostly a good thing because i tend to write more of the bad thoughts i have in it in order to remove from the conscious than i do in happy times and points of euphoria. when i read back on it or if some new comer was to gaze upon the pages, it makes me look neurotic and depressed and crazy but thats because those are the points i hammer it so i dont bottle them up and cause myself more trouble down the line. my last two entries im pretty sure have been the longest. the second to last was i believe, six pages with the final being four. i really wrote it out those nights...it felt good.
one of the traits about my job that i love most is the fact that i have fun while im there. since september there has been very very few nights i didnt have fun. even if i dont make great money im okay with it because i had fun. with old jobs, if i wasnt making the money i wanted/needed i got down about it because going to work wasnt enjoyable and the days dragged me down.
i think its time for bed. i dont really want to have to wake back up to drive dad. ive done it everyday this week and i think i want a morning off. my step-mom can do it, itll be good for her.
weapon of choice: saves the day
loveage,
3.22.85
.xoxo.
"sorry, you're not my type of girl."
"what? sophisticated?"
"no...single."
some people do things that make me think, "if that was me, i wouldn't be doing it or i would feel remorse for doing it." i dont think they do that and it kinda makes me question them as a person. i kinda thought that there were things that were just understood but i guess sometimes i assume wrong or just think too much of people. what do you do about that?
things get kinda rough at times. at night things sometimes tend to hit pretty hard. my mind races into areas i dont want to venture and i dont like it and i wish it wouldnt do it. my mind seems to have a mind of its own and it disobeys me. i thought we were supposed to be friends, we were supposed to coincide with one another and get along and be cooperative. this piece of shit, i think its good for nothing at times. things like this are often the cause of my sleeplessness. i think im going to go visit the doc while i got the chance for maybe some ambien so i can maybe get some rest on the nights that i cant. or maybe eventually me and my mind will reconnect and get along.
yea...i really do think to much at times and too often than not put more thought into things than is needed.
i filled up my journal last night. i started it in 2005 and just now got all the pages filled. it filled pretty much perfectly too. as soon as i was done on the last page i had no more to write. i noticed though that i wrote a lot more when i was in NC than i have since i moved back. mostly a good thing because i tend to write more of the bad thoughts i have in it in order to remove from the conscious than i do in happy times and points of euphoria. when i read back on it or if some new comer was to gaze upon the pages, it makes me look neurotic and depressed and crazy but thats because those are the points i hammer it so i dont bottle them up and cause myself more trouble down the line. my last two entries im pretty sure have been the longest. the second to last was i believe, six pages with the final being four. i really wrote it out those nights...it felt good.
one of the traits about my job that i love most is the fact that i have fun while im there. since september there has been very very few nights i didnt have fun. even if i dont make great money im okay with it because i had fun. with old jobs, if i wasnt making the money i wanted/needed i got down about it because going to work wasnt enjoyable and the days dragged me down.
i think its time for bed. i dont really want to have to wake back up to drive dad. ive done it everyday this week and i think i want a morning off. my step-mom can do it, itll be good for her.
weapon of choice: saves the day
loveage,
3.22.85
.xoxo.