(no subject)
I can't wait for THE WATCHMEN!
Diane and I recociled yesturday. It was nice to be at the hotel for 9 days. Privacy and my thoughts only. I enjoyed it. I dont even know if a lot of you knew I was living with DIane again. After my lease was up in Aug. I decided it would be best to move back with Diane and help her seeing how she is a single mom of 5 kids now. i love these kids too much to not want to be here. Anyways, things are great. We went out last night to celebrate our "Sister Reunion".
In the past few months or so, my heart has really had a lot of closure. And it has felt so good. First, I had the most closure with Chad. I realized that I wasnt in love with him anymore and the power he had over me was gone. I felt so free and so unattached. And the best was that I feel like we have become closer as friends because of it. And I still do think sometimes that Chad and I were made for each other in a sence that we are trully the same person sometimes. But anyways, the only person I still needed closure with was Brian. I had no idea if he was alive or what. This past week while I was at the hotel I thought about him and for a brief moment, I could smell him. I literally freaked out and couldnt sleep. Then I was almost certain that maybe he was dead. I could smell him like he was in my room. His smell asphixating my soul, my sences, my life at that moment. It was the most bizarre thing I had experienced in like forever. Then I get a phone call from Les yesturday who told me that Brian was trying to add him on myspace. He asked me if he wanted me for him to add him so I can see his profile. At that time, I felt sick to my stomach just knowing that there was a way for me to see what he has been up to. I know he had a child and was married but the way things ended with him and I was so strange that I didnt know what was going on with him. I still considered him a close friend. I decided to look on his profile today. And he looked great and I felt NOTHING. I was so suprised that I didnt feel sick or my heart didnt completly melt. I finally felt closure..not completly but pretty close considering. I now feel like I can start again. I feel like I'm ready to start a relationship. Everythig is clear, crystal clear. Id still love to hear from Brian. That would give me complete closure for sure. For now, this will have to do.
Diane and I recociled yesturday. It was nice to be at the hotel for 9 days. Privacy and my thoughts only. I enjoyed it. I dont even know if a lot of you knew I was living with DIane again. After my lease was up in Aug. I decided it would be best to move back with Diane and help her seeing how she is a single mom of 5 kids now. i love these kids too much to not want to be here. Anyways, things are great. We went out last night to celebrate our "Sister Reunion".
In the past few months or so, my heart has really had a lot of closure. And it has felt so good. First, I had the most closure with Chad. I realized that I wasnt in love with him anymore and the power he had over me was gone. I felt so free and so unattached. And the best was that I feel like we have become closer as friends because of it. And I still do think sometimes that Chad and I were made for each other in a sence that we are trully the same person sometimes. But anyways, the only person I still needed closure with was Brian. I had no idea if he was alive or what. This past week while I was at the hotel I thought about him and for a brief moment, I could smell him. I literally freaked out and couldnt sleep. Then I was almost certain that maybe he was dead. I could smell him like he was in my room. His smell asphixating my soul, my sences, my life at that moment. It was the most bizarre thing I had experienced in like forever. Then I get a phone call from Les yesturday who told me that Brian was trying to add him on myspace. He asked me if he wanted me for him to add him so I can see his profile. At that time, I felt sick to my stomach just knowing that there was a way for me to see what he has been up to. I know he had a child and was married but the way things ended with him and I was so strange that I didnt know what was going on with him. I still considered him a close friend. I decided to look on his profile today. And he looked great and I felt NOTHING. I was so suprised that I didnt feel sick or my heart didnt completly melt. I finally felt closure..not completly but pretty close considering. I now feel like I can start again. I feel like I'm ready to start a relationship. Everythig is clear, crystal clear. Id still love to hear from Brian. That would give me complete closure for sure. For now, this will have to do.