Neurosis runs in the family

Mar 05, 2005 14:28

I talked to Erin yesterday for four hours. Most of the conversations I have seem to last for a minimum of 4 hours, even those intended to last only a few minutes like this one. She was tired and I had a house and yard to clean.

My sister is pregnant. I still have yet to wrap my mind around it. My sister is pregnant. This woman I coaxed towards the darkside(NO KIDS EVER) around the age of 9. She's pregnant. This woman(woman?) who once agreed with me that overpopulation is a problem that can't be ignored, life is a burden to cruel to impose upon anyone,
and adoption is the only way, she's pregnant. She was to adopt a little Asian girl from..Asia, such a cliche, and I was to have cats, another cliche. She was going to be the ultra responsible big sister she had always been by having a child in her 30s after obtaining a successful career and a wonderful, supportive husband in the two story house we had wanted as children. But, as the age of almost 27, she is 4 months pregnant. Worst of all, her relationship with the impending child's "father" mirrors the relationship of our own mother and father, and this pains me deeply.

She worries a lot. She always has. As long as I can remember. As a child I once compared her to a neurotic, worrisome character on Sesame Street by the name of Telly(I believe). I'm a neurotic, worried scatterbrain mess but it flows through me in a calm, laid back manner. Erin's neurosis comes in violent, unyielding bursts of anger and mental breakdowns. Late for work means a crying fit, temper tantrum, and something being thrown for Erin, while late for work is a norm which brings guilt and anguish but nothing visible, for myself. I hurt, I cry, I worry, I feel extreme guilt but I guess the anger is missing and the ability to lose control.

She's worried about the baby, of course. I listened, advised, and attempted to calm her fears but this is our nature and there's little anyone can say..

I was distracted. I'll finish this later..
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