Portland blues
As some of you know I am living in Portland now. It has been a rough last couple of months and aside from the occasional glimmer of light, it will be a rough rest of the year. I dont want to go into how it came to be that I am in portland, but Im going to be here for a while. I miss my Texas crew, but I dont miss Texas. I like it here, both in Eugene and in Portland and when the time comes that I have to make a choice as to where I would rather be, it will be a hard choice to make. Getting your life back together after years of piled on shit is difficult. It seems for every time I think I am gaining ground something happens and I end up slipping back down again. I miss my family. I miss my wife and kids. I miss the life I had what seems like lifetimes ago. I know that I shouldnt worry about it and just do what I need to do, but is that the right thing to do? Would I be making a mistake in believing in something that has already failed? I dont know anymore what the right step to take is. There are things that are so important to me that I would (and have) gone against myself and what I believe in otherwise in order to attempt to save, and the end result was that I lost everything anyways. I have only myself to blame for where I am today, that is for sure. But I did it because I believed in something. Im sure next week will bring a new light and relief for myself. I guess that is all I should really think about until its fixed. Its just hard to not think about the things that are most important to you, even if they are less important to everyone else. Oh well, perhaps one day I will look back at this and see what a fool I was, and perhaps not. Regardless tomorrow is another day, and I just have to have my nails cleaned out and ready to climb some more. *Note After reading about Laynes drunken bathroom experience I couldnt help but laugh hysterically and smile for the first time in days. Thank you layne.:)