I must be a bad person
It's always when you need to talk that you realize you have no friends. Pretty pathetic really, my only friend is my wife and I always find a way to fuck up there. Luckily for me she is very understanding. I freaked out again last night, even though I promised I would try not to. I know why I do it, and I know how to keep myself from doing it, but it requires having someone to talk to that (A) gives a shit, and (B) isn't bias. I guess perhaps I must have done something horrible in my past to deserve it, I just wish I knew what and when? Maybe if I knew that I could fix it, or at the very least understand. It very hard to get through life when you talk general chit chat with acquaintances, and bullshit with strangers you may or may not meet again. If I keep this up Im going to probably end up being one of those pathetic people that pays a shrink hundreds of dollars a week just to have someone to talk to. Uhg I am disgusted with myself. Even my wife thinks that I am fucked up in the head right now. I dont blame her, I probably would too if I were listening to myself from the outside. I think I try too hard to explain exactly what is going on in my head, and I hold a lot of shit in instead of letting it out. However I really dont have a safe place to let shit out to, so therefore it just festers and blows up into a retarded pile me-goo that sits before you wondering what the hell is wrong with him. I guess I got it figure about right then, and yet the problem still remains. Until next time then.