Brookstone: Medieval Torture Chamber?
Everyone loves Brookstone, the sotre where you can buy massage chairs, cell phones you can wear on your wrist and other assorted electronica (Im not sure thats a word but Ill go with it). Well, people don't actually buy things from Brookstone, they just go in to try everything when they have nothing better to do. Hey, who can argue with free massages? Well, I can.
I recently came to the conclusion that Brookstone is not all that it seems. There are some things in there that could be mistaken for torture devices. I put a massager on my back and turned that sucker on. It was like being blugedoened in the back by Mike Tyson. It was a beat down, not a massage. It seemed like the sort of thing that might be included in a modern medieval torture chamber, only you buy it to torture yourself. What's next, electronic racks? (Tagline: "It does all that annoying stretching for you!")
I'm almost positve you can find an ancient version of Brookstone's Electronic Vibrating Massuse 9000 in the Tower of London. Watch the History Channel for a special on ancient torture and you'll see a grinning Brookstone employee using a 2-in-1 PDA to electronically shove bamboo shoots under someone's finger nails. Here's another question: Don't those massage chairs have electricity running through them? Think it wouldn't be hard to crank up the voltage ever so-slightly? Think again...or better yet, don't sit down.
Did you ever wonder where Brookstone gets all that hardware? As Henry Fonda said in 12 Angry Men (A money movie for anyone who hasn't seen it), "Let's put two pieces of testimony and tie them together." Brookstone doesn't have the technology to develop pinball machines that can make root beer floats. The CIA does. The CIA is not allowed to use torture when questioning people. So, the CIA sends their terrorist suspects to Brookstone's Headquarters in beautiful Nashua, New Hampshire (see: Kandahar, Afghanistan.) for questioning. Brookstone gets top-secret government technology for their service to our great nation.
Hopefully, this has put to rest any doubts about Brookstone's real purpose. I'm not saying don't go in there; just be careful that there's not a pinball floating in your root beer.
I recently came to the conclusion that Brookstone is not all that it seems. There are some things in there that could be mistaken for torture devices. I put a massager on my back and turned that sucker on. It was like being blugedoened in the back by Mike Tyson. It was a beat down, not a massage. It seemed like the sort of thing that might be included in a modern medieval torture chamber, only you buy it to torture yourself. What's next, electronic racks? (Tagline: "It does all that annoying stretching for you!")
I'm almost positve you can find an ancient version of Brookstone's Electronic Vibrating Massuse 9000 in the Tower of London. Watch the History Channel for a special on ancient torture and you'll see a grinning Brookstone employee using a 2-in-1 PDA to electronically shove bamboo shoots under someone's finger nails. Here's another question: Don't those massage chairs have electricity running through them? Think it wouldn't be hard to crank up the voltage ever so-slightly? Think again...or better yet, don't sit down.
Did you ever wonder where Brookstone gets all that hardware? As Henry Fonda said in 12 Angry Men (A money movie for anyone who hasn't seen it), "Let's put two pieces of testimony and tie them together." Brookstone doesn't have the technology to develop pinball machines that can make root beer floats. The CIA does. The CIA is not allowed to use torture when questioning people. So, the CIA sends their terrorist suspects to Brookstone's Headquarters in beautiful Nashua, New Hampshire (see: Kandahar, Afghanistan.) for questioning. Brookstone gets top-secret government technology for their service to our great nation.
Hopefully, this has put to rest any doubts about Brookstone's real purpose. I'm not saying don't go in there; just be careful that there's not a pinball floating in your root beer.