I <3 Kelly Clarkson!
So ...
the Kelly Clarkson concert last night was AMAZING. I loved it. I have some pictures. If you want to see them... the good ones... just let me know. I really only got about 3 GOOD ones - but I only really need one to remember it by... so I'm very pleased. It was a damn good time. She's SO good! I can't wait till I get to see her live again.
a whole lot has been changing in the last 3 weeks or so. I guess it takes your Grandma dying to really put things into perspective. Sad, isn't it? It's become very apparent what kind of people I want to surround myself with, the attitudes that I want to be around, the environment that feels stable and secure to me... I know I'm not the smartest person in the world, but I know that I'm probably one of the most thoughtful. Take it as self centered... but I KNOW I don't treat anyone with respect less than they deserve, I don't say things without thinking them through first, and I don't put myself in front of or above anyone else. It's not in my nature. I can sit here all day and tell you the things I am, and the things I'm not, but what it comes right down to - is that if you SEE me, then you win. You totally win. On the contrary... anyone who thinks they know... probably has no idea.
truth is, the week I was home, AWAY from school (away from my FRIENDS) - I watched my family fall apart. Now I'm not talking about my immediate family - we're stronger than strong - but my mom's side of the family really seemed to crumble. That's not okay with me - I LOVE those people. They are CLOSE to me... they matter... they walk around with a little piece of my heart all the time, and it just so happens that some of them chose to throw that away. So - not only is a piece of my heart missing because my Grandma passed away, but even MORE of me is missing because those people I love have kicked me aside. Even if it's only temporary - this time hurts, and it won't be forgotten. I'd like to know... WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?!?! Yeah... my Grandma died... I didn't know how to handle it... that's to be expected right? I don't think I deserve to be stepped on. Neither do the people that care about me. I'm tired of it... and I hope it comes to an end before it takes any more out of me.
OK on a brighter note... I AM happy right now. I fit in perfectly everywhere in my life. While certain things are going terribly wrong and in directions I couldn't forsee if my life depended on it - it's nothing I can change by myself. I Would say something... but you know me with confrontation... no thanks. I'll just sit, content with all I have from now until forever - or until they come to me. Anyway - my OH SO wise mother told me that it's just not worth it if my confronting them will cause any more pain. I'm ok with letting things be for now.
Think about it.
I love you.
bk
the Kelly Clarkson concert last night was AMAZING. I loved it. I have some pictures. If you want to see them... the good ones... just let me know. I really only got about 3 GOOD ones - but I only really need one to remember it by... so I'm very pleased. It was a damn good time. She's SO good! I can't wait till I get to see her live again.
a whole lot has been changing in the last 3 weeks or so. I guess it takes your Grandma dying to really put things into perspective. Sad, isn't it? It's become very apparent what kind of people I want to surround myself with, the attitudes that I want to be around, the environment that feels stable and secure to me... I know I'm not the smartest person in the world, but I know that I'm probably one of the most thoughtful. Take it as self centered... but I KNOW I don't treat anyone with respect less than they deserve, I don't say things without thinking them through first, and I don't put myself in front of or above anyone else. It's not in my nature. I can sit here all day and tell you the things I am, and the things I'm not, but what it comes right down to - is that if you SEE me, then you win. You totally win. On the contrary... anyone who thinks they know... probably has no idea.
truth is, the week I was home, AWAY from school (away from my FRIENDS) - I watched my family fall apart. Now I'm not talking about my immediate family - we're stronger than strong - but my mom's side of the family really seemed to crumble. That's not okay with me - I LOVE those people. They are CLOSE to me... they matter... they walk around with a little piece of my heart all the time, and it just so happens that some of them chose to throw that away. So - not only is a piece of my heart missing because my Grandma passed away, but even MORE of me is missing because those people I love have kicked me aside. Even if it's only temporary - this time hurts, and it won't be forgotten. I'd like to know... WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?!?! Yeah... my Grandma died... I didn't know how to handle it... that's to be expected right? I don't think I deserve to be stepped on. Neither do the people that care about me. I'm tired of it... and I hope it comes to an end before it takes any more out of me.
OK on a brighter note... I AM happy right now. I fit in perfectly everywhere in my life. While certain things are going terribly wrong and in directions I couldn't forsee if my life depended on it - it's nothing I can change by myself. I Would say something... but you know me with confrontation... no thanks. I'll just sit, content with all I have from now until forever - or until they come to me. Anyway - my OH SO wise mother told me that it's just not worth it if my confronting them will cause any more pain. I'm ok with letting things be for now.
Think about it.
I love you.
bk