Contrary to Popular Belief
Somehow, I seem to emulate a persona of youth, innocence, and naivety, and I really don't like people's reactions to it. Middle aged adults that are complete strangers to me will come up to me and start lecturing me on the reality and statistics of the world. People my own age have admitted that they approach me with caution and gaurd for fear that their worldliness will puncture my innocence, and many ohters are constantly attempting to exploit me for monetary gain or just to have a good laugh. Arrgh! I am not who I appear to be, and I don't even mean to appear that way!
I am young, but I am open to learning and evolving in a way that many people my own age are not. I'm not saying that I am wise, but much of the wisdom my elders try to convey to me is stuff I've already researched and applied to my own life. I appreciate the chance to learn more, but I don't appreciate being told that the information I'm being given is necessarily right. For instance, yesterday I was told by a middle-aged man at a car shop that I was too young to be married and, statistically, my marriage shouldn't work. Well, I already knew that before I got married. Also, since we were living together before we married, statistically speaking, we shouldn't have even been able to get married in the first place. There are many other factors that are statistically against our favor, such as both of our parents having divorced when we were young and one of us having such a traumatic event happen in our youth that we will always have a scar from that. Stastically, our marriage shouldn't have even lasted a year. Yet, our one year anniversary is less than a month away. Yet, we still love each other and look forward to growing and developing with each other. Yet, though we have had and will have some problems, we're willing to work through them and be supportive of each other, and not try to run away from our problems. Yet, all those who truly know us don't doubt for a second that our marriage will last into old age. Fuck statistics. They only apply to a majority of the population, anyway, and I have never been a good example of the population.
Then there's the question of my innocence. Well if you know me and if I've told you anything about my past, then you know that I have done more misdeeds then most people will in a lifetime. I'm certainly not proud of them, but I have learned from them. I am lucky that I did not have to face all of the possible consequences that could have arisen from my actions, so that I'm not dead, not in jail, not in a long-term mental hospital, not addicted drugs, not ridden with long-term illness, and not whoring the streets. I am lucky to be given a second chance, but I still don't like it when people try to hide themselves from me just because they think I can't handle the real world. Sometimes I'll tell people some of the things I have done just to get them to let their gaurd down, and then they think I'm lying and not only am I innocent, but immature as well. I still don't know how to handle that.
As for my naivety, I will admit that there is some common knowledge that constantly escapes me. Part of that is just who I am, and part of that is due to living in a foreign country during the crucial developmental stage of identity that occurs in adolescence. I couldn't fully speak the language to even try to form the bonds with my peers that would help me to form my identity, so when I came back to the states, I was very much behind everyone else. I'm still trying to catch up from that. But naivety is nothing to be made fun of, and just because I'm naive doens't mean I can't tell when a person is trying to exploit that. Don't even try. I will surprise you.
Sometimes I wish I could change my persona so that others would not react to me in such infuriating ways. However, I realize that everyone experiences negative reactions to their personalities, and maybe I'm lucky that the reactions aren't worse. Besides, whether I'm aware of it consciously or not, that persona may just be a fundamental part of who I am. But it's still annoying.
I am young, but I am open to learning and evolving in a way that many people my own age are not. I'm not saying that I am wise, but much of the wisdom my elders try to convey to me is stuff I've already researched and applied to my own life. I appreciate the chance to learn more, but I don't appreciate being told that the information I'm being given is necessarily right. For instance, yesterday I was told by a middle-aged man at a car shop that I was too young to be married and, statistically, my marriage shouldn't work. Well, I already knew that before I got married. Also, since we were living together before we married, statistically speaking, we shouldn't have even been able to get married in the first place. There are many other factors that are statistically against our favor, such as both of our parents having divorced when we were young and one of us having such a traumatic event happen in our youth that we will always have a scar from that. Stastically, our marriage shouldn't have even lasted a year. Yet, our one year anniversary is less than a month away. Yet, we still love each other and look forward to growing and developing with each other. Yet, though we have had and will have some problems, we're willing to work through them and be supportive of each other, and not try to run away from our problems. Yet, all those who truly know us don't doubt for a second that our marriage will last into old age. Fuck statistics. They only apply to a majority of the population, anyway, and I have never been a good example of the population.
Then there's the question of my innocence. Well if you know me and if I've told you anything about my past, then you know that I have done more misdeeds then most people will in a lifetime. I'm certainly not proud of them, but I have learned from them. I am lucky that I did not have to face all of the possible consequences that could have arisen from my actions, so that I'm not dead, not in jail, not in a long-term mental hospital, not addicted drugs, not ridden with long-term illness, and not whoring the streets. I am lucky to be given a second chance, but I still don't like it when people try to hide themselves from me just because they think I can't handle the real world. Sometimes I'll tell people some of the things I have done just to get them to let their gaurd down, and then they think I'm lying and not only am I innocent, but immature as well. I still don't know how to handle that.
As for my naivety, I will admit that there is some common knowledge that constantly escapes me. Part of that is just who I am, and part of that is due to living in a foreign country during the crucial developmental stage of identity that occurs in adolescence. I couldn't fully speak the language to even try to form the bonds with my peers that would help me to form my identity, so when I came back to the states, I was very much behind everyone else. I'm still trying to catch up from that. But naivety is nothing to be made fun of, and just because I'm naive doens't mean I can't tell when a person is trying to exploit that. Don't even try. I will surprise you.
Sometimes I wish I could change my persona so that others would not react to me in such infuriating ways. However, I realize that everyone experiences negative reactions to their personalities, and maybe I'm lucky that the reactions aren't worse. Besides, whether I'm aware of it consciously or not, that persona may just be a fundamental part of who I am. But it's still annoying.