behind blue eyes
They're actually an amalgam of colors, mostly green, it makes me think of elaborate floating plants like pond cover, if you catch my drift(i had to quote another "Who" song for the subject). Ever since I was a child I've been incredibly benign. Words that came to me just today: Eager to bear the burdens of others, share their greif. Until recently I've been finding it and exploring it, enjoying a new sense of objectivity. Anyways, what I really came here to write about was how perturbed I am at the fact that also a constant throughout my life has been distrust at my philanthropy. I'll start off by saying I'm not throwing out the possibility I could be an arrogant, nosy, naive....buttface. To have known my last entry, this will make sense: I am so entirely outraged at my lack of experience to make this empyrically valid, I only have little port angeles and the surrounding area. I digress. I feel that I am largely hindered in my caring for the entire world by the staunch cynicism of the average person. The average person a staunch cynic when it comes to what I'd say I feel is Jesus like altruism. And being kind and invested and unbashful about life is so distrusted, people are so afraid to put their trust in another's hands and its asinine. It starts primarily with sexual repression, thats where a lot of it comes from and because that has been such an ingrained portion of world culture in general. Love has a lot to do with being benign and also with being hurt and vulnerable. People often shy away from it for fear of rejection, emberassment. SO they shy away from my love, counter it with distrust and a hatred, almost, from their pit. It makes me sad, I wish people wouldn't be bashful with me, I have no shame, their emberassment, their fear, is entirely wasted on me. Its horrible, my very nature will be denied by all but the select few gracious enough to let me love them. lol....you all suck! ahh, c'est la vie, I suppose, but it sure does get frustrating when youre so pressed with time. I've only got, at most, another 60 some years. It just seems so ridiculous that some would refuse me trying and succeding at making their short time on this earth more rewarding before they get shuffled off of this mortal coil. Night everybody, sweet dreams.