The End of the Line
My regular weekly prenatal appointment this morning turned out to be anything but "regular" - and I'm still recovering from it. I probably won't stop worrying about it until the babies are here and I'm able to see for myself that everything is alright...
Andy didn't come with us this morning because the weekly ultrasounds have actually gotten boring, as unbelievable as that sounds. For the past 3-4 weeks, the babies have been so cramped that it's difficult to make out features and body parts so there's not much excitement in watching unidentifiable blobs moving around on the screen. Plus, they're pretty quick scans - just to check the heartbeats, muscle tone, breathing movements, and amniotic fluid.
So Noah and I went in to my ultrasound. The ultrasound tech, Michelle, whom I've gotten to know pretty well throughout this pregnancy, asked me how I've been feeling. I said I was doing pretty well - tired - and that I expected her to tell me that my stubborn Baby A was still breech. She did just that within about 2 seconds - she said, "Yep, you're right - here's her head right here" waving the wand over my left hip in line with my bellybutton. Boo.
She asked if I had scheduled a cesarean yet and I said no, that I had been hoping Baby A would decide to turn but that today I would have to schedule it. She asked me when - I told her in 2 or 3 weeks or so. She seemed surprised and said, "Oh, they won't let you go past 38 weeks honey. Well, at least usually they won't." Then she said, "Wow, these are big babies!" I laughed and asked if she would be able to do measurements today - she said she'd try but that it was difficult with them being so crammed together.
Gianna's measurements were really hard to get - she is totally jammed in the bottom of my uterus. And my last thread of hope of a vaginal delivery was dashed when we discovered she's not even really breech - she's "oblique" or nearly transverse. While her head is over high above my left hip, her butt is closer to my right hip and her back is curved down at my cervix. Obviously not a position that's conducive to vaginal delivery. Yes, technically she could still move into a more favorable position but I no longer have any hope of that happening.
Michelle took their measurments and determined that Gianna is approximately 6.5 pounds and Adam is around 6 pounds (but we all know that ultrasound measurements can be and frequently ARE off by as much as 2 pounds either way). Still, big babies.
And then Michelle listened to Baby B's heartrate. A nice steady heartbeat and Michelle mentioned that it sounded "funny" because we were also picking up all of his practice breathing movements - we could see him "breathing" the entire time we watched his chest. Then we went to listen to Baby A's heartrate. Right away I noticed something was weird about it. Instead of the rhythmic "swish swish swish" sound that just goes on and on, it would beat like seven times and then there would be a noticeable pause. And then we could *see* the pause on the bottom of the screen where the heartrate shows up as little peaks and valleys - there would be seven perfectly even peaks and then an obviously longer "valley" than usual. Michelle was quiet during this whole time but finally I asked, "What's the deal with her heartbeat?" She said she didn't know - we'd have to ask the doctor to take a look at it.
We looked at her actual heart then - watching the valves flap open and shut - and it was scarily visible then, too, when it would pause momentarily. I got more and more frightened and of course Michelle couldn't offer any answers - she just said, "This is a new development. You might be having babies today."
Then she spent a lot of time looking at Gianna's placenta and waiting for her to make some more movements - but she was mostly still. She'd make sucking motions with her lips and move her arms around a little bit, but nothing like her brother who was up above her doing gymnastics. I was on the verge of tears at this point, wanting someone to tell me what was going on, and all Michelle could say was, "Dr. French will have to take a look at these and tell us what's going on. She might decide that 'enough is enough'."
I had to go out to the waiting room to wait for my OB appointment with Dr. French. I called Andy on my cell phone and tried to keep it together while I asked him if he could run over and meet us - luckily he only works a mile or two away on the U of M campus. I couldn't help but start crying and I was so aware of all of the other couples and women staring at me and eavesdropping on my conversation as I tried to tell Andy that something was wrong with Gianna's heart but that I didn't know what it was and that we might have to deliver them today. He hung up and *ran* across campus to meet us at the clinic.
Meanwhile, I got called back to be weighed and have my blood pressure checked before I could see Dr. French. I figured for sure my blood pressure would be through the roof, but somehow it was lower than it has been for the past month - 106/60. My weight was 146.5, a gain of about 6 pounds since my appointment two weeks ago.
Dr. French came into the exam room before Andy got there. She gave me a sympathetic smile and I was like, "What the fuck does that mean?!" I was pretty sure it was clear that I had been crying, and I just wanted her to tell me what was going on. Instead she just said, "Your blood pressure is awesome and you're gaining weight again - that's great. I see Baby A's not cooperating, though, still. [another sympathetic smile] So did you decide on a date you want to schedule the cesarean?"
I was completely dumbfounded. She wasn't even going to mention the heartbeat? So I said, "Well uh... you're not... it's not... the ultrasound really freaked me out - what's going on with Baby's A's heartbeat?"
And oh my god, she wasn't worried. She said, "It's actually more common than you would think for babies to develop an arrhythmia late in pregnancy - especially when there are two in there and they are so crammed together. It'll probably resolve itself as soon as she's born. Her pediatrician will just take a look at it after she's born, but I'm not worried about it at all."
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH oh my god. She said we'd just look at it again next week when I come in for my appointment.
I scheduled a cesarean for Thursday, March 29th, at 12:00 noon - the beginning of my 39th week. She doesn't expect me to make it to that date, though I wouldn't be surprised. My cervix is still long and closed and she says I have a "uterus of steel". If I go into labor before then, I'm just to go to the hospital and they will fit me in (after doing a quick ultrasound to be sure the babies are still in an undeliverable position).
I'm OK with this. I'm overwhelmed as hell and I think I just need to go cry some more, but I'll be OK. I'm worried about my baby girl. I want to know that she's alright.
This was a kick in the ass, and I'm packing my labor bag TODAY. Sometime within the next 20 days, I will have two more babies.