(no subject)
shaping my unruly brows, savouring rice pudding and burying my face into a pile old photo albums puts me into a state of calm. i can never capture photographs of people or of living creatures, no never their expressions of concentration, determination, hate, care or love. i take photographs of light. even when i was small, a certain way a glimmer of light hitting an object or a certain feeling from the sunrays would make my eyes sting, not from the brightness, but the salt. that certain feeling i can never describe in words, never convey in photographs, that feeling belongs to me and only me when i feel that cold shiver even when the sun is shining right above me. the closest feeling i can define it as is sadness, or is it grief, or even mourning, i don't know. it's the feeling i get when time freezes for a second and everyone moves in slow motion, and i see the future, i see the past and i see the present the way it is, i see it as though i am a reader of a book, a viewer of a film, an admirer or a photograph. i see the details and the whole picture, i see the beginning and the ending, the feeling that a reader would get when they can see the direction of a tragedy, but are unable to stop it. remorse is it, i just cannot describe it.