(no subject)

[twiztid_fare_e]

im so sorry, im not sure for what yet, but i know how ive changed...and i dont like it, i dont like the place where im at, where im trapped, i feel like i cant breathe, but im so happy when yall can see me. that fake smile, actually its not fake...i just push all my emotion back, im scared for the world to see my faults, because i know that i have alot. im scared for my wounds to show, i dont want people to feel sorry for me, the last thing i want is pity, it makes me feel worse, because ive let so many down...i know what i can be, im just not doing it, and yall know i can to, and tell me i can, then i have to meet yalls expectations or i feel like a failure, another problem...and i should feel better with all of you but i dont and i wish i did, i dont know how to act, i hate who ive become, and i dont want to show how ive changed because the last thing i have holding me here is all of you, and if i lose that...im sitting here trying to figure out where i lost it, when i started to slip, but i dont know, i did it behing my own back...i need to feel whole again, i have a piece of me stored away somewhere deep down and i would do anything to find it, and im trying. but im so sorry if ive changed, or maybe i just think i have when im alone and vulnerable...i know i need to figure me out, to be strong for myself, before i can be strong for another... please dont give up on me...

"And im staring down the barrel of a '45...swimming through the ashes of another life...No real reason to except the way things have changed...staring down the barrel of a '45"