(no subject)
I feel absolutely awful today. Yesterday kept going wrong. One of my goldfish has died which isn't heartbreaking, but a shame. Later we saw a mouse run under my bed (a not-much-off-the-floor futon) and then I found droppings which were not fresh, centimetres from where my head sleeps. I'm not that scared of mice, having suffered indestructible rats, but I really hate the feeling that it was hanging out in my room and I didn't notice. I didn't give it permission to be there! So I didn't sleep very well despite superb new earplugs. I'm a bit obsessed with earplugs (I lose at coolness) as it's nice to not get woken up by sirens and lorries ten times a night. I hate loud noises so much, slamming doors make my whole body tense.
But what's making me feel really weird, I think, is trying to decide whether to live with the girl who wants to take Harri's room - and I think is presuming she is going to have it although I tried to say we were deciding. She's very nice and civilised but her facebook political views says very conservative, and it fits with her personality. Very middle-class. She has a super-boring, not too pleasant boyfriend. Although she isn't in the slightest obnoxious (like Francois, Rob's actually rather fascist ex-housemate) and hasn't said anything objectionable, I just feel a bit uncomfortable. I have no idea what kind of conservative she is. Maybe she just doesn't like paying tax, maybe she'd like murderers executed. I don't know how much it matters, I don't know what to do! I don't want to hurt her feelings and there is nobody else so far interested in the room. It might turn out everyone else who might be interested is cool and liberal and a thief and can't pay bills.
I suppose I am also stalling because I don't want Harri to go. Everything is pretty okay at the moment and I don't want anything to change so soon. I'm getting too content. I am scared of our lovely house becoming uncomfortable if we live with somebody we have nothing in common with.
I don't know what to do and I feel sick! And this is all getting a bit too personal for my usual journal style.
Food. x
But what's making me feel really weird, I think, is trying to decide whether to live with the girl who wants to take Harri's room - and I think is presuming she is going to have it although I tried to say we were deciding. She's very nice and civilised but her facebook political views says very conservative, and it fits with her personality. Very middle-class. She has a super-boring, not too pleasant boyfriend. Although she isn't in the slightest obnoxious (like Francois, Rob's actually rather fascist ex-housemate) and hasn't said anything objectionable, I just feel a bit uncomfortable. I have no idea what kind of conservative she is. Maybe she just doesn't like paying tax, maybe she'd like murderers executed. I don't know how much it matters, I don't know what to do! I don't want to hurt her feelings and there is nobody else so far interested in the room. It might turn out everyone else who might be interested is cool and liberal and a thief and can't pay bills.
I suppose I am also stalling because I don't want Harri to go. Everything is pretty okay at the moment and I don't want anything to change so soon. I'm getting too content. I am scared of our lovely house becoming uncomfortable if we live with somebody we have nothing in common with.
I don't know what to do and I feel sick! And this is all getting a bit too personal for my usual journal style.
Food. x