(no subject)
There's no such thing as black and white, instead everything has faded into shades of grey. It seems that all the desisions I used to have to make in life were simple. I didn't want to do half of them, but the answer and what should be done was obvious, I never even had to think before I told someone what I was going to do. I could plan my life weeks in advance, knowing every move to make, and every turn to take.
Everything has started to crash though, it's started to crumble and it wont stop. Everyone is trusting me for everything they do. My mother has turned into a literal vegitable. When I go to visit her, she sometimes recognizes me...and then other times she doesn't. I have to tell her who I am, where I'm from... half the time she doesn't even realize that it's her own son. Her condition has deteriated from severe to critical condition. The doctors offer no hope, and everyone is now pressuring me to turn off the life support and just let her die.
She's my own mother though, how could I live with myself knowing that I was the one who ended her life? It's not up to me to choose, I'm not god.
I'm everything but.
My brother had two children before he shot himself. Actually he had a two year old kid, and his girlfriend had another on the way. Perhaps that's what added to his stress? to his destruction, his end? I don't know, either way it bothers me. Not because he had kept his kids and I got rid of mine, but because now his girlfriend has decided that she no longer wants hers. Because of this they may be dumped on me. So I will have two more weights along with my sister, my father, my mother, my girlfriend, and my newest addition.
My kid.
Yup, I've got a kid on the way. My girlfriend is about a month pregnant. She said right off that she didn't want to keep it, the usual, we scedualed for the abortion ect. It's my second one x.x; But now she doesn't know, and she may just be doing it for me.
Way to make me feel like the bad guy, again x.x;
My sister is going through serious depression, it's really starting to bug me. She doesn't smile anymore, she's uber quiet and she doesn't hang out with her friends at much. I forced her out of the house, but I don't know what good it will do, I have no idea how to help her at the moment.
Merry Christmas to all the people in Sri lanka. >.>; Funny that all the Tsunami's happend on Christmas... new years day something will blow up and even more will die x.x;
I'm sick, I'm tired, I'm confused and I think i'm starting to get depressed. I have no idea what to do with half the things that are facing me. I'm just a teenager and I'm being faced with more stuff then most adults I know. I want to curl up and die, just block everything out. It's hard being the only one left standing.
Mel I want to be a real boy hehe >.>
People are mad at me, in real life and online. I can't do shit without someone finding something wrong with it. I wanted to stay in bed, but I can't.
x.x;
I hope everyone else is having a better holiday season.
Everything has started to crash though, it's started to crumble and it wont stop. Everyone is trusting me for everything they do. My mother has turned into a literal vegitable. When I go to visit her, she sometimes recognizes me...and then other times she doesn't. I have to tell her who I am, where I'm from... half the time she doesn't even realize that it's her own son. Her condition has deteriated from severe to critical condition. The doctors offer no hope, and everyone is now pressuring me to turn off the life support and just let her die.
She's my own mother though, how could I live with myself knowing that I was the one who ended her life? It's not up to me to choose, I'm not god.
I'm everything but.
My brother had two children before he shot himself. Actually he had a two year old kid, and his girlfriend had another on the way. Perhaps that's what added to his stress? to his destruction, his end? I don't know, either way it bothers me. Not because he had kept his kids and I got rid of mine, but because now his girlfriend has decided that she no longer wants hers. Because of this they may be dumped on me. So I will have two more weights along with my sister, my father, my mother, my girlfriend, and my newest addition.
My kid.
Yup, I've got a kid on the way. My girlfriend is about a month pregnant. She said right off that she didn't want to keep it, the usual, we scedualed for the abortion ect. It's my second one x.x; But now she doesn't know, and she may just be doing it for me.
Way to make me feel like the bad guy, again x.x;
My sister is going through serious depression, it's really starting to bug me. She doesn't smile anymore, she's uber quiet and she doesn't hang out with her friends at much. I forced her out of the house, but I don't know what good it will do, I have no idea how to help her at the moment.
Merry Christmas to all the people in Sri lanka. >.>; Funny that all the Tsunami's happend on Christmas... new years day something will blow up and even more will die x.x;
I'm sick, I'm tired, I'm confused and I think i'm starting to get depressed. I have no idea what to do with half the things that are facing me. I'm just a teenager and I'm being faced with more stuff then most adults I know. I want to curl up and die, just block everything out. It's hard being the only one left standing.
Mel I want to be a real boy hehe >.>
People are mad at me, in real life and online. I can't do shit without someone finding something wrong with it. I wanted to stay in bed, but I can't.
x.x;
I hope everyone else is having a better holiday season.