Time heals wounds, but scars ache in the cold, when it rains, or for seemingly no reason at all
That dull throbbing pain comes back again, somewhere in between dreams and thoughts you have that evaporate as you fall asleep or just wake up. It's the sense that no matter what it's not going to be the same again old and familiar. It's also the feeling that your perspective on the change is itself changing, but never fully for the better. New aspects occur. Memories appear to haunt, to make you smile, to dredge up regret or guilt, simply to be again. Memories fade and the past becomes a vague impression of a life that was and a wonder about an alternate life that exists and self-elaborates in your mind falling over and over again through the fingers of yesterday's outstretched hand.
Words do it no justice and confuse the issue. Words are necessary and expression is helpful. Words struggle with each other to be the best representation of feelings. It'll all mean something else tomorrow, but in the end it's the very same thing every day.
it's one thing to be nostalgic. To miss certain lost simplicities or joys. Ways of being. I'm not really sure what this is or how to classify it. I know I have to accept and move on and I want to. I just know that even when I do there's something about it that's not genuine.
I know this isn't the way it should be....this feels like a stranger's life.