(no subject)

[twitchtwitch3]

i had an urge to just like TYPEEEEE. i'm in a werid mood. i'm upset, hyper, and mad. i don't know how i feel about that mix, but whateverrrrrrr. i'm still in shock about that letter, i really want things to work out i really do, but i don't know if i could ..ever like have a "normal" family. what the fuck is a normal family anymore..everyones fucked up. i knew normal, once. i hardly remember though, it's on videos, it was easter and my parents loved eachother, i think, and everyones happy and my mom calls us hunny, and dear and sweetheart, and i can't tell you the last time i've heard her say that to ..any of us..other than when she's drunk or her boyfriend(s) are around. my dad, i don't even know him anymore. i really don't. he has been tied down to some crazy bitch for 9 years, basically my whole life, when i needed him most. i'll never know what it'll be like to have some what of a decent dad. he was there every other weekend, if that. it was like we didn't exsist if it wasn't his weekend. really pissed me off. he has his own little perfect family. and we're just the fuck ups. he doesn't even act like he loves us anymore, he's so lost in himself he doesn't even know what to do..all he knows is ignore them and it won't be there anymore, and go on with my perfect little life like nothing is wrong. i don't know how anyone could do that to their kids, i don't understand. i don't even know if he knows why. why, we've been put through so much why the fuck doesn't he see it. we get shitted on so damn much and he doesn't even give it the time of day. i can't talk to him, because i know he'll tell her. i have no trust, or respect for the man anymore. i've totally lost it all, i don't even want to referr to him as dad anymore. he doesn't act like a father, so why the fuck should he get the title. he doesn't deserve it. he tells me he loves me and gives me hugs, and i hope he means it. but how can i really be sure if he doesn't show it? he tells us he would love if we lived with him, but when we're there..it's hell. absoulute hell. she treats us like shit, and he sits there and listens to it, and let's it fucking happen.

whatever. nothing will ever change, what the fuck is the point of being a little faggot and still crying over it after 9 years, i guess it just took that long to realize he really doesn't care.

unconfortable mood.
i layed them out on the glass.
maybe you won't hear.
if water can't get through you, how can any of this?
you can't even grasp it.
what's your name again?
i've seem to have forgotten your face.
you look worn and you have bags.
do they let you sleep there?
do you know we share blood?
you and them, you just share a house.
i think she bleached you of your feelings.
i don't know if you dream anymore.
do you control your tastebuds anymore?
or are you brainwashed of that too?
how can you deny us?
she cries and your eyelids have been swen shut to reality.
why do you cry?
when they're pushed away far enough.
a phone call would be too difficult for you to handle.
so please when you're having "family tv"
don't pretend you have what's on the tv.
because.
you could have.
because you can't anymore?