soap box
This became quite the lively discussion on fb, so I thought I'd post it here to see what you all think about it. I really am curious.
First watch and read this: http://moms.today.com/_news/2011/01/03/5738901-the-mom-of-a-princess-boy-speaks-out-
We talked about this in one of my classes, I hope I can be this loving and accepting as a parent one day. Some of you may not agree, but I am touched by it.
and here is my soapbox in the comment section:
There is definitely a middle ground. There is no such thing as bulletproof, and I believe rewarding a strange behavior can make a child confused as to what is expected of them. I think the key is making sure the child knows they are loved n...o matter what they choose to do. I got beat up in school too, but once again no reason was needed, other than the fact that I let them. Even the meanness serves a function in society. Sometimes peer punishment serves to teach a child norms, but parental insistence on a behavior instead can devalue a child's sense of worth. It's a balance. I happen to know quite a few people with differences from strange birth marks to being in the process of gender transition. I know some of those people were made to feel like they had something to hide, and others were not. The ones that have accepted who they are and rolled with it (regardless of parental acceptance) are just fine, the messed up people are the idividuals who have trouble accepting themselves, and have developed and overwhelming need to fit in. When a child is very young like that they don't know what our culture's mores are, they can only take in that they are somehow wrong at that age. Later in development learning to be the same comes naturally, at about 13 kids will begin to feel a lot of pressure to fit in, and whether or not being picked on will try to make themselves into whatever they think is right. These developmental stages occur without much prompting. In short, above anything else a child should know their parents love them regardless of the choices they make (discipline is not something I'm ruling out by that statement).
For the rest of the comments go here: http://www.facebook.com/andreajean.atkins/posts/114124538668701?notif_t=share_comment
First watch and read this: http://moms.today.com/_news/2011/01/03/5738901-the-mom-of-a-princess-boy-speaks-out-
We talked about this in one of my classes, I hope I can be this loving and accepting as a parent one day. Some of you may not agree, but I am touched by it.
and here is my soapbox in the comment section:
There is definitely a middle ground. There is no such thing as bulletproof, and I believe rewarding a strange behavior can make a child confused as to what is expected of them. I think the key is making sure the child knows they are loved n...o matter what they choose to do. I got beat up in school too, but once again no reason was needed, other than the fact that I let them. Even the meanness serves a function in society. Sometimes peer punishment serves to teach a child norms, but parental insistence on a behavior instead can devalue a child's sense of worth. It's a balance. I happen to know quite a few people with differences from strange birth marks to being in the process of gender transition. I know some of those people were made to feel like they had something to hide, and others were not. The ones that have accepted who they are and rolled with it (regardless of parental acceptance) are just fine, the messed up people are the idividuals who have trouble accepting themselves, and have developed and overwhelming need to fit in. When a child is very young like that they don't know what our culture's mores are, they can only take in that they are somehow wrong at that age. Later in development learning to be the same comes naturally, at about 13 kids will begin to feel a lot of pressure to fit in, and whether or not being picked on will try to make themselves into whatever they think is right. These developmental stages occur without much prompting. In short, above anything else a child should know their parents love them regardless of the choices they make (discipline is not something I'm ruling out by that statement).
For the rest of the comments go here: http://www.facebook.com/andreajean.atkins/posts/114124538668701?notif_t=share_comment