(no subject)
My lack of updating can be blamed on the fact that I haven't had time, that my computer randomly overheats and dies, and that things have either been too shitty to write about or nothing has really happened at all.
My life works in this order... two steps forward, about 5 back. It doesnt matter how far ahead I get I will always get thrown back because thats the way things work and thats just simply how it is. I don't know how to work around it.
I dont know what to say about me and Brad. We talk, we hang out, we fuck, we sleep next to eachother, we love eachother, we just cant decide if we want eachother completely. A part of me wants to think that I want him back and another part doesnt because I'm still scared. It's pointless even talking about it.
Mom is going crazy again and telling me that I'm killing her or either wants me to kill her, it just depends how pissy or lazy she is. I dont know. I know I will regret saying that but I don't care right now. I probably will tomorrow but not right now... I'm just tired of getting stuck in the middle, I'm tired of it always being my fault no matter what the actual circumstances are and no matter what I do its not right and never will be so I just wasted my time doing it in the first place.
All I really wanted was for you to kinda care about me but you dont.
I dont know what to do anymore. I'm tired. I'm tired of not knowing. I'm also grounded for 2-3 weeks and my birthday is on the second. I'll be sixteen and I'll be at home because my mom thinks I'm the reason for all her problems and that shes losing me so I have to stay home to get better acquainted with her and my not really significant other doesnt know whether he wants to deal with me anymore or not.
I really wish you would deal with me because I'm sure I'm worth it in the end. Kinda like playing Castle Crashers, its kinda dumb and stupid and doesnt seem worth your time but the movie at the end makes it all worth it? Yeah... it's like that I promise =)
My life works in this order... two steps forward, about 5 back. It doesnt matter how far ahead I get I will always get thrown back because thats the way things work and thats just simply how it is. I don't know how to work around it.
I dont know what to say about me and Brad. We talk, we hang out, we fuck, we sleep next to eachother, we love eachother, we just cant decide if we want eachother completely. A part of me wants to think that I want him back and another part doesnt because I'm still scared. It's pointless even talking about it.
Mom is going crazy again and telling me that I'm killing her or either wants me to kill her, it just depends how pissy or lazy she is. I dont know. I know I will regret saying that but I don't care right now. I probably will tomorrow but not right now... I'm just tired of getting stuck in the middle, I'm tired of it always being my fault no matter what the actual circumstances are and no matter what I do its not right and never will be so I just wasted my time doing it in the first place.
All I really wanted was for you to kinda care about me but you dont.
I dont know what to do anymore. I'm tired. I'm tired of not knowing. I'm also grounded for 2-3 weeks and my birthday is on the second. I'll be sixteen and I'll be at home because my mom thinks I'm the reason for all her problems and that shes losing me so I have to stay home to get better acquainted with her and my not really significant other doesnt know whether he wants to deal with me anymore or not.
I really wish you would deal with me because I'm sure I'm worth it in the end. Kinda like playing Castle Crashers, its kinda dumb and stupid and doesnt seem worth your time but the movie at the end makes it all worth it? Yeah... it's like that I promise =)