"I don't know what to say."
Sometimes it's that simple.
I'm coming down and I'm mad and I'm pissed and I want him to make sense and I want him to understand and I want him to hold me and I'm tired of screaming I'm tired of crying I'm tired of fighting with him and I don't know what to say.
I don't have any idea. And theres nothing that can or needs to be said, because I know at that moment that I'm completely and utterly through and that 2 years worth of screaming and crying and fighting are coming to an end and theres nothing that I can, or want to do about it.
I sit there and I look at him and I tell him I dont know what to say. I tell him and I'm hoping he'll change my mind. Sometimes that's all that needs to be said. I don't know what to say. I don't know where to begin.
I hate you I love you I'm terrified of you I wish you would leave leave me leave me leave me. Just fucking leave me because I don't want to see you dont want to look at you dont want to smell you kiss you fuck you, get the fuck out of my house.
I dont want to be apart of his life anymore, its over and its done and we tried and we cant do it because we're not strong enough to make something that doesnt have a snowballs chance in working out.
Why do I stay with him when making it work takes more effort than loving him itself? Love should never take effort and I'm tired and I'm pissed and I hate him and I want him to get the FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE. Get the FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD and get the fuck out of my life because I'm better off without him but its so hard to let him leave when I know that I've had him.
That I've always had him and will always try to have him and not let anyone else have him because he's mine, fucking mine and I'll tear anyone apart that tries to change that or take him away from me because he's fucking mine and I let him into my house my head my life my body I let him do things to me that no one should ever do to a person I let him do it and I let him feel good about it and he let me do it even though I was crying.
But in the end he never took away anything he just showed me how to make it feel good and I want to think that he took it but it was gone, 5 guys gone by the time he showed me it could feel good. It was gone and he didnt know it and he still doesnt know it and I dont want him to know it because he knows whats been in my mouth and he hates me for it and calls me a whore for it and I let him because I know hes right and hes always right and I hate him fucking hate him for being right and I hate that I love him and that I feel this way and that I'll fucking rip him apart if he does get the fuck out of my house my head my life my body because I need him there because hes the only fucking thing that makes sense and thats warm and that will hold me and kiss me and put his hand over my eyes when the car door opens when he thinks im asleep.
he loves me. i love him. i want to kill him i want to fuck him i want him to leave and i want him to stay with me and help me and i want to help me.
I'm coming down and I'm mad and I'm pissed and I want him to make sense and I want him to understand and I want him to hold me and I'm tired of screaming I'm tired of crying I'm tired of fighting with him and I don't know what to say.
I don't have any idea. And theres nothing that can or needs to be said, because I know at that moment that I'm completely and utterly through and that 2 years worth of screaming and crying and fighting are coming to an end and theres nothing that I can, or want to do about it.
I sit there and I look at him and I tell him I dont know what to say. I tell him and I'm hoping he'll change my mind. Sometimes that's all that needs to be said. I don't know what to say. I don't know where to begin.
I hate you I love you I'm terrified of you I wish you would leave leave me leave me leave me. Just fucking leave me because I don't want to see you dont want to look at you dont want to smell you kiss you fuck you, get the fuck out of my house.
I dont want to be apart of his life anymore, its over and its done and we tried and we cant do it because we're not strong enough to make something that doesnt have a snowballs chance in working out.
Why do I stay with him when making it work takes more effort than loving him itself? Love should never take effort and I'm tired and I'm pissed and I hate him and I want him to get the FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE. Get the FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD and get the fuck out of my life because I'm better off without him but its so hard to let him leave when I know that I've had him.
That I've always had him and will always try to have him and not let anyone else have him because he's mine, fucking mine and I'll tear anyone apart that tries to change that or take him away from me because he's fucking mine and I let him into my house my head my life my body I let him do things to me that no one should ever do to a person I let him do it and I let him feel good about it and he let me do it even though I was crying.
But in the end he never took away anything he just showed me how to make it feel good and I want to think that he took it but it was gone, 5 guys gone by the time he showed me it could feel good. It was gone and he didnt know it and he still doesnt know it and I dont want him to know it because he knows whats been in my mouth and he hates me for it and calls me a whore for it and I let him because I know hes right and hes always right and I hate him fucking hate him for being right and I hate that I love him and that I feel this way and that I'll fucking rip him apart if he does get the fuck out of my house my head my life my body because I need him there because hes the only fucking thing that makes sense and thats warm and that will hold me and kiss me and put his hand over my eyes when the car door opens when he thinks im asleep.
he loves me. i love him. i want to kill him i want to fuck him i want him to leave and i want him to stay with me and help me and i want to help me.