People Invite My Rapist
Sometimes, I am a right cynical bitch. I try not to expect better of people than I know them to be capable of. I figure if I get hurt by someone who I should have known would act that way, yeah, that's maybe on them, but I was stupid not to have expected it and should try to be smarter.
I know I live in a culture that excuses rape and abuse, especially if the person is a friend. I know that victims of rape and abuse are uncomfortable to be around. I know that because I was the victim, this stuff happened to me, the harm happened to me, and other people do not want to deal with that horrible shit if they can avoid it. Dude, *I* would avoid it if I could.
But it still makes me SO ANGRY and SO ILL that people invite my rapist to things... and include me on the guest list. Like it ain't no thing. Like it's high time I stopped being a vindictive bitch and reconcile with my rapist. Look, I can even, in my more generous moments, concede that maybe my rapist has reformed his life, found Jesus, or whatever the fuck else he could do to atone for this, and has become a person that other people want to be around. I can PRAY that this was the price of entry, but remember that cynical thing? So I doubt it. But if I would rather think non-horrific things about the people I know, I can grant them this possibility.
But why would anyone want to put me in a room with him? Where in god's green earth is that ever an ok thing to expect of someone? What kind of lousy friend would do that?
I am aghast that I find myself needing to explain to people why this is a big deal, why that was inconsiderate, why raping and abusing someone means it's never going to be ok between us again. (And by the way, why is it ok with YOU?) Because it simply doesn't OCCUR to them to consider that. I know that this is a clear indication that I should not be friends with this person, but I'm honestly indignant about that too. Really? I've got to LEAVE you over it? THIS SHIT is what's limiting my social life and killing my friendships?
Then my cynical self tells me I'm being stupid and to stop expecting better of the world. I tell myself to calm down, explain politely why that makes it impossible for me to attend, and act like I assume they must have made some error to keep from implying that they are actually hurtful and awful. And it gives me this twilight zone feeling of being so upset that I cannot let any of the upset slip because it might all come tumbling out and scorch the earth.
I know I live in a culture that excuses rape and abuse, especially if the person is a friend. I know that victims of rape and abuse are uncomfortable to be around. I know that because I was the victim, this stuff happened to me, the harm happened to me, and other people do not want to deal with that horrible shit if they can avoid it. Dude, *I* would avoid it if I could.
But it still makes me SO ANGRY and SO ILL that people invite my rapist to things... and include me on the guest list. Like it ain't no thing. Like it's high time I stopped being a vindictive bitch and reconcile with my rapist. Look, I can even, in my more generous moments, concede that maybe my rapist has reformed his life, found Jesus, or whatever the fuck else he could do to atone for this, and has become a person that other people want to be around. I can PRAY that this was the price of entry, but remember that cynical thing? So I doubt it. But if I would rather think non-horrific things about the people I know, I can grant them this possibility.
But why would anyone want to put me in a room with him? Where in god's green earth is that ever an ok thing to expect of someone? What kind of lousy friend would do that?
I am aghast that I find myself needing to explain to people why this is a big deal, why that was inconsiderate, why raping and abusing someone means it's never going to be ok between us again. (And by the way, why is it ok with YOU?) Because it simply doesn't OCCUR to them to consider that. I know that this is a clear indication that I should not be friends with this person, but I'm honestly indignant about that too. Really? I've got to LEAVE you over it? THIS SHIT is what's limiting my social life and killing my friendships?
Then my cynical self tells me I'm being stupid and to stop expecting better of the world. I tell myself to calm down, explain politely why that makes it impossible for me to attend, and act like I assume they must have made some error to keep from implying that they are actually hurtful and awful. And it gives me this twilight zone feeling of being so upset that I cannot let any of the upset slip because it might all come tumbling out and scorch the earth.