Because your mine, I walk the line...
I had everything written just so, but then LJ decided to fuck it up.
Fuck that shit.
Here's the highlights:
Ruth has been especially mean lately, saying I was "Dropped on my head" and thats why I'm such an "idiot". I find myself believing it. Throught out the day, even when I'm not at work, I feel incompetent. I never have before...it's hard to blow through my ego of intelligence. I've always considered myself in the know, of things that mattered anyway. Books and songs things that make people feel good. Maybe I suck at math. I don't know.
Anyway, I'm losing weight. I need to incorporate excerise into this diet of mine...but it would be hard what with school starting plus work. I shall do it though. And I shall be sexy. Well, I doubt I will be sexy, but maybe I can go for a slightly attractive look?
I'm honest to goodnessly thinking of getting my liscense. I want to anyway, it'd make everything alot easier on Nick, and I want that for him. For things to be easy. Cause he's starting college and I hope he doesn't hate it to much.
I was seriously thinking about quitting the other night, and I was back doing my dishes, feeling sorry for myself cause Ruth hates me the most and she loves to make this thought known to everyone. Billie came back there and noticed I was sad, and danced and sang "Don't Worry, Be Happy", Jamaican accent and all. And that's why I don't want to quit. The friendships I've made with Kayla, Billie, Joey, Mike, Jeremy, and everyone (not to mention the money) is completley worth Ruth. But sometimes she really hurts my feelings.
Time for for letting my emotions out.
Brief notions of the curious artist
While here in the greenery your face will be remembered
Sculpted with flat brush strokes against canvas.
One can't imagine how a fire had torn that garden
Ravaged it's every leaf to smoky gray the day after
Without our painting changing accordingly
Turning eminating sunshine into a smoky charcoal sky.
Entertaining the thought of this, I imagine your face
Amidst the raping fire, your quiet blue dress
Brilliant flames transform: a satanic bridal gown
Your skin melts, twists into gory knots, I cannot save you.
Over and Out