Did I want to talk about? Pretty much not, actually, because I was this close to wigging about it. What the hell had he meant, it was the last time he'd be here? It was my subconcious, it wasn't like he got a choice whether he wanted to be there or not unless it had been real and, okay, now I wanted to wig even more.
"Don't worry, it wasn't anything world-ending," I assured her, taking a sip of the coffee and making a face. When was the last time I'd changed the filter on that thing? Eww.
"It was Spike." Weird how I could admit this now. I hadn't been able to before, not for a long time. "I've dreamt about him before but this was--Odd. He told me he'd used up his last invitation and it wasn't healthy me dwelling over things."
I looked at Dawn. "I'm not dwelling. I mean, I don't think I'm dwelling." I paused and looked at her uncertainly, "Am I dwelling?"
The bitter taste of the coffee wasn't exactly comforting so I leaned over, tossed it down the sink and got up to get myself a glass of water. Maybe Dawn'd had the right idea after all.
"Well, I'll take that as a nice bonus for helping save it for the second year in a row." I smirked slightly. Couldn't really count all the stuff with Glory as 'helping'. Buffy wouldn't exactly let me do that one. "And after this last one, I'd say we've earned a break from the world ending on us constantly."
Spike, Anya. Amanda and so many other newly minted Slayers. Yeah, a break was definitely earned. Would have been nice if it hadn't cost so much though, hey?
"I don't think you're so much dwelling as missing him." I pointed out when the worry crept into her voice like that. She did have this tendency to dwell, but I don't think she's there yet. "You'll get over it eventually. Maybe the dream was just your subconscious's way of telling you to not miss him so much before you stop living your life because he's not here?" I offered with a shrug.
Losing Spike had hit both of us pretty hard. Missing him was to be expected after how huge a part of our lives he had been the last few years. Buffy really didn't need to be beating herself up for that.
Second year in a row? I smiled at my sister. Felt like the 100th, though I didn't tell her that. It was over now, that life. Over and finished with and Dawn was right about us earning a break.
"You realise you probably just jinxed us though, right?" I teased, moving to stand next to her at the counter. Way of the world - way of Buffy's world, anyway. Sometimes I felt a little guilty about that, about her being the Slayer's sister and all. She didn't ask for this life. Granted, neither had I, but that was a different story.
"I don't think you're so much dwelling as missing him," Dawn pointed out and I wanted to scowl. When had my sister become so adept with the Psych 101 stuff? Was she even taking that at UCLA?
"You'll get over it eventually. Maybe the dream was just your subconscious's way of telling you to not miss him so much before you stop living your life because he's not here?"
What if I didn't want to get over it? I thought sourly, glancing into the bottom of the glass of water like that held the answer to all my problems. Angel had managed to fight his way back, why couldn't Spike?
"I am living," I pointed out, "I'm at college. I actually half-way contemplated a date the other night..." Which was a teeny tiny white lie because I hadn't even thought about turning the guy down. I'd just done it. I'm still baking, said that stupid voice inside my head and I almost laughed. Had that been the lamest analogy ever or what?
"It's kind of weird, missing Spike. I mean he was just this giant pain in my ass and then suddenly--" I smiled wistfully, looking at Dawn, "I know you miss him too. I'm kinda glad. Not that you miss him 'cause, y'know, I'd rather have him here but-- It's nice to not have to pretend I don't all the time." Because some people, whether they voiced them in front of me or not, still had Spike issues.
"God, I hope not." I replied softly at her teasing. I knew she was only kidding, but with the way our lives were? It was entirely possible that I had. "And you know I meant ones which I had an actual role in helping stop, right?" I asked. She'd smiled, but it was one of those indulgent smiles she used to give me to just get me to stop talking.
"Fine... forget what I said." I shook my head slightly, laughing. "Apparently you've got it all under control." How could I argue with her? She was in college, and for all I knew she could've been asked out and actually sort of considered it.
It wasn't like I was expecting her to just get over everything like it never happened. Even if she never actually admitted it, it was pretty obvious that Spike was important to her.
"Hey, with the exception of when he came back after he got his soul back, when was I the one with the Spike issues?" I asked with a smirk. He'd always treated me like an equal. Like I could just understand what he was telling me without having to talk down to me or treat me like a little kid. "You don't ever have to act like you don't miss him around me, okay?"
I looked at her when she said that. Did she believe that? Was I doing okay with this whole normal life thing? To be honest, I wasn't sure. I hadn't been normal in a long time and having it sorta thrust on me the way I had--It was a little bewildering, to be honest.
All of a sudden I was supposed to remember what it was like going for coffee with friends and not running off to do a night's slayage - weird was just not the word.
"You had issues with Spike," I said, smiling slightly, "It was more schoolgirl crush than anything else." Xander had been so pissed at that, wanted to know why all the girls felt for the Fanged type of man.
"You don't ever have to act like you don't miss him around me, okay?"
I glanced up at her, taken from my Xander-shaped reverie (and okay, a little off-guard at the same time), and smiled slightly, "Thanks, Dawnie. I mean--For this."
It wasn't often I talked about Spike to anybody, but it was nice to know that I didn't have to pretend with her, that she wouldn't flinch ala Giles whenever I mentioned his name. "C'mon. I've kept you awake long enough... You'll be telling all your teachers that you had to Psych 101 me before bed," I grinned.
"Plus I threatened to set him on fire once... If he hurt you, but I don't think you knew that." I commented, shrugging.
"I can't be a pain in the ass little sister all the time. We're family, right? We're pretty much all we've got outside of our friends." I reminded her, not wanting to bring down the mood, exactly, just point out that - on the off chance she'd somehow forgotten - Buffy was the most important thing in the world to me. "But you're welcome." I added with a smile.
"Right, because that's a valid excuse for being half asleep in college? I don't think they'll believe me, or really care why I am." I smirked, "But sleep is definitely of the good."
((OOC: I am so sorry this sat for so long. Things have been kinda crazy here the last few weeks and I completely forgot to check the comm. I've switched the account's email so that it goes to the address I actually check now... please don't hate me!))
"You threatened to set him on fire?" I echoed, strangely touched by the sentiment yet bewildered at the fact that my little sister - pain in the ass or not - had actually said that. "When?"
I guessed it was after that whole summer of destruction and pain and things happening in our bathroom that I'd rather forget 'cause Dawnie's eyes darkened. "Oh, right." Yeah, I knew when. I hadn't promised Spike that myself in so many words but he knew I meant if something else would have happened.
I grinned when she said she couldn't always be the pain in the ass little sister. "Maybe not, but you still borrow my clothes without asking," I teased, nodding when she said that we were all we had now. It had been that way since Mom had died and though I would have totally had her back tomorrow? I loved that it was just Dawnie and I now.
"C'mon then, oh small and annoying one," I teased, "Bed. For both of us. Or else Will's gonna be wondering why I'm glassy-eyed over our Mocha tomorrow."
((OOC: Don't worry about it! I've been of the AWOL myself so I completely understand! ))
I flashed a quick smile to her at the 'Oh, right.' I knew if she thought about it for a moment it would click. It wasn't a big deal, that I had. It was just me protecting Buffy like she always had me. "The night you guys were after that girl's boyfriend that Anya turned into a giant worm thing." I added, giving her a better sense of exactly when.
"At least I've stopped getting pizza sauce all over them." I smirked at her teasing about me taking her clothes without asking. "Besides, I didn't say I was going to stop being a pain in the ass all the time, did I?"
"Buffy, I'm taller than you even when you wear heels now." I pointed out feigning annoyance as I followed her from the room, pausing to place a kiss on her cheek before heading to my room. "'Night, Buffy."
((OOC: Yeah, I TOTALLY suck. RL stuff plus school... I've kinda been having serious muse issues. Anyway, hopefully things are little more back to normal. I'm so sorry.))
"Don't worry, it wasn't anything world-ending," I assured her, taking a sip of the coffee and making a face. When was the last time I'd changed the filter on that thing? Eww.
"It was Spike." Weird how I could admit this now. I hadn't been able to before, not for a long time. "I've dreamt about him before but this was--Odd. He told me he'd used up his last invitation and it wasn't healthy me dwelling over things."
I looked at Dawn. "I'm not dwelling. I mean, I don't think I'm dwelling." I paused and looked at her uncertainly, "Am I dwelling?"
The bitter taste of the coffee wasn't exactly comforting so I leaned over, tossed it down the sink and got up to get myself a glass of water. Maybe Dawn'd had the right idea after all.
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Spike, Anya. Amanda and so many other newly minted Slayers. Yeah, a break was definitely earned. Would have been nice if it hadn't cost so much though, hey?
"I don't think you're so much dwelling as missing him." I pointed out when the worry crept into her voice like that. She did have this tendency to dwell, but I don't think she's there yet. "You'll get over it eventually. Maybe the dream was just your subconscious's way of telling you to not miss him so much before you stop living your life because he's not here?" I offered with a shrug.
Losing Spike had hit both of us pretty hard. Missing him was to be expected after how huge a part of our lives he had been the last few years. Buffy really didn't need to be beating herself up for that.
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"You realise you probably just jinxed us though, right?" I teased, moving to stand next to her at the counter. Way of the world - way of Buffy's world, anyway. Sometimes I felt a little guilty about that, about her being the Slayer's sister and all. She didn't ask for this life. Granted, neither had I, but that was a different story.
"I don't think you're so much dwelling as missing him," Dawn pointed out and I wanted to scowl. When had my sister become so adept with the Psych 101 stuff? Was she even taking that at UCLA?
"You'll get over it eventually. Maybe the dream was just your subconscious's way of telling you to not miss him so much before you stop living your life because he's not here?"
What if I didn't want to get over it? I thought sourly, glancing into the bottom of the glass of water like that held the answer to all my problems. Angel had managed to fight his way back, why couldn't Spike?
"I am living," I pointed out, "I'm at college. I actually half-way contemplated a date the other night..." Which was a teeny tiny white lie because I hadn't even thought about turning the guy down. I'd just done it. I'm still baking, said that stupid voice inside my head and I almost laughed. Had that been the lamest analogy ever or what?
"It's kind of weird, missing Spike. I mean he was just this giant pain in my ass and then suddenly--" I smiled wistfully, looking at Dawn, "I know you miss him too. I'm kinda glad. Not that you miss him 'cause, y'know, I'd rather have him here but-- It's nice to not have to pretend I don't all the time." Because some people, whether they voiced them in front of me or not, still had Spike issues.
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"Fine... forget what I said." I shook my head slightly, laughing. "Apparently you've got it all under control." How could I argue with her? She was in college, and for all I knew she could've been asked out and actually sort of considered it.
It wasn't like I was expecting her to just get over everything like it never happened. Even if she never actually admitted it, it was pretty obvious that Spike was important to her.
"Hey, with the exception of when he came back after he got his soul back, when was I the one with the Spike issues?" I asked with a smirk. He'd always treated me like an equal. Like I could just understand what he was telling me without having to talk down to me or treat me like a little kid. "You don't ever have to act like you don't miss him around me, okay?"
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I looked at her when she said that. Did she believe that? Was I doing okay with this whole normal life thing? To be honest, I wasn't sure. I hadn't been normal in a long time and having it sorta thrust on me the way I had--It was a little bewildering, to be honest.
All of a sudden I was supposed to remember what it was like going for coffee with friends and not running off to do a night's slayage - weird was just not the word.
"You had issues with Spike," I said, smiling slightly, "It was more schoolgirl crush than anything else." Xander had been so pissed at that, wanted to know why all the girls felt for the Fanged type of man.
"You don't ever have to act like you don't miss him around me, okay?"
I glanced up at her, taken from my Xander-shaped reverie (and okay, a little off-guard at the same time), and smiled slightly, "Thanks, Dawnie. I mean--For this."
It wasn't often I talked about Spike to anybody, but it was nice to know that I didn't have to pretend with her, that she wouldn't flinch ala Giles whenever I mentioned his name. "C'mon. I've kept you awake long enough... You'll be telling all your teachers that you had to Psych 101 me before bed," I grinned.
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"I can't be a pain in the ass little sister all the time. We're family, right? We're pretty much all we've got outside of our friends." I reminded her, not wanting to bring down the mood, exactly, just point out that - on the off chance she'd somehow forgotten - Buffy was the most important thing in the world to me. "But you're welcome." I added with a smile.
"Right, because that's a valid excuse for being half asleep in college? I don't think they'll believe me, or really care why I am." I smirked, "But sleep is definitely of the good."
((OOC: I am so sorry this sat for so long. Things have been kinda crazy here the last few weeks and I completely forgot to check the comm. I've switched the account's email so that it goes to the address I actually check now... please don't hate me!))
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I guessed it was after that whole summer of destruction and pain and things happening in our bathroom that I'd rather forget 'cause Dawnie's eyes darkened. "Oh, right." Yeah, I knew when. I hadn't promised Spike that myself in so many words but he knew I meant if something else would have happened.
I grinned when she said she couldn't always be the pain in the ass little sister. "Maybe not, but you still borrow my clothes without asking," I teased, nodding when she said that we were all we had now. It had been that way since Mom had died and though I would have totally had her back tomorrow? I loved that it was just Dawnie and I now.
"C'mon then, oh small and annoying one," I teased, "Bed. For both of us. Or else Will's gonna be wondering why I'm glassy-eyed over our Mocha tomorrow."
((OOC: Don't worry about it! I've been of the AWOL myself so I completely understand! ))
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"At least I've stopped getting pizza sauce all over them." I smirked at her teasing about me taking her clothes without asking. "Besides, I didn't say I was going to stop being a pain in the ass all the time, did I?"
"Buffy, I'm taller than you even when you wear heels now." I pointed out feigning annoyance as I followed her from the room, pausing to place a kiss on her cheek before heading to my room. "'Night, Buffy."
((OOC: Yeah, I TOTALLY suck. RL stuff plus school... I've kinda been having serious muse issues. Anyway, hopefully things are little more back to normal. I'm so sorry.))
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