Oh. My. God.
You guys. Ive changed.
But sometimes, you know, i stare at myself in the mirror. And ask myself, "Why the am i here?!??" and just wonder if theres a perpose to my really lame life. But right now, i guess there isnt. And i cant help wondering if there ever will be. I just stare at myself, like an over-obsessed lunatic, and wait for somthing to happen. And i know, im wasting my life like a fat plod, but i dont know. Im such a horrible person, but at the same time, i want to laugh. Laugh with one of my closest friends, like we used to do. All the time. Somthing ridiculous.
That laughing kept me feeling great for the past year, the past year where I left you guys, and found tons of real life friends waiting for me in the halls, asking me to hang out with them every weekend, inviting me to all their partys. And they liked me for who i was, you know? But i, was a mean, over energised person, and i have a quick temper. But i was also wacky, witty, and funny. But now thats gone, and that personality stuck to me. So now im looking into the mirror, staring myself down again. My parents it when i tell them how i feel. They think im talking back. But i dont care. All they do is freaking yell, and ive learned to ignore it.
Now i keep a mirror in my room, and lock my self up in my room all day. And stare at my self. And wonder what lies ahead of me. What happens after , after i become nothing with out thought and without feeling, till i become dirt. I want to make the most of my life as it is, but it doesnt seem like its going to happen. Ive always had ambitious dreams, of becoming an actress. But thats never going to happen. I was always outgoing, but only beautiful people get to be big. And i dont think ill ever make it.
And i will never find a job that will ever suit the kind of person i am. I give up quickly, get bored of somthing easily. Have you ever wondered what you were going to be when you grew up? I dont know. Not yet, at least. I want to do somthing i love, but i havent found it. Have you ever felt that way?
And i just keep thinking, ill never do anything with my life, as a normal kid. While someone worthwhile is out there, starving, and is on the last strings of his life. And that person probably knows he could make a diffrence, if he was just given the chance. But i took his chance. And i cant do anything about it, because i have no self-confidence. His life is going to waste because of mine, because im taking and eating food that could save his life, food that i dont even need.
I am a waste of space.
Excuse me while i go put a paper bag over my head and crawl into the freezer.
But sometimes, you know, i stare at myself in the mirror. And ask myself, "Why the am i here?!??" and just wonder if theres a perpose to my really lame life. But right now, i guess there isnt. And i cant help wondering if there ever will be. I just stare at myself, like an over-obsessed lunatic, and wait for somthing to happen. And i know, im wasting my life like a fat plod, but i dont know. Im such a horrible person, but at the same time, i want to laugh. Laugh with one of my closest friends, like we used to do. All the time. Somthing ridiculous.
That laughing kept me feeling great for the past year, the past year where I left you guys, and found tons of real life friends waiting for me in the halls, asking me to hang out with them every weekend, inviting me to all their partys. And they liked me for who i was, you know? But i, was a mean, over energised person, and i have a quick temper. But i was also wacky, witty, and funny. But now thats gone, and that personality stuck to me. So now im looking into the mirror, staring myself down again. My parents it when i tell them how i feel. They think im talking back. But i dont care. All they do is freaking yell, and ive learned to ignore it.
Now i keep a mirror in my room, and lock my self up in my room all day. And stare at my self. And wonder what lies ahead of me. What happens after , after i become nothing with out thought and without feeling, till i become dirt. I want to make the most of my life as it is, but it doesnt seem like its going to happen. Ive always had ambitious dreams, of becoming an actress. But thats never going to happen. I was always outgoing, but only beautiful people get to be big. And i dont think ill ever make it.
And i will never find a job that will ever suit the kind of person i am. I give up quickly, get bored of somthing easily. Have you ever wondered what you were going to be when you grew up? I dont know. Not yet, at least. I want to do somthing i love, but i havent found it. Have you ever felt that way?
And i just keep thinking, ill never do anything with my life, as a normal kid. While someone worthwhile is out there, starving, and is on the last strings of his life. And that person probably knows he could make a diffrence, if he was just given the chance. But i took his chance. And i cant do anything about it, because i have no self-confidence. His life is going to waste because of mine, because im taking and eating food that could save his life, food that i dont even need.
I am a waste of space.
Excuse me while i go put a paper bag over my head and crawl into the freezer.