not exactly a waste
but I never studied for my final exams today. I let the day pass, the minutes turning into hours, the afternoon sunlight turning into dusk and not even though my laptop says it's 8:29 pm, I know it's a lie because it's still set on west coast time, like my inner time clock, and the real time in new york city if 11:39, close to midnight and I'm still wide awake.
Of course I woke up at noon. I spent my "morning" listening to stars-inspired music on pandora, made an egg sandwich and two hotdogs without the buns. logged in online to the series of websites you go on before the real work can happen, read the New York Times, both the print and online section. Sat outside on the balcony and got some sunshine. That's my ultimate favorite moment - to just sit or lay in the sun, watching the outline of trees against the sky's backdrop.
I made myself go in when I realized there was a lens reflecting light staring at me from one of windows of the building across the way. Literally, it was a camera lens and minutes later, it was a camera phone, angled so that the person holding the phone was hidden behind the left hand border of the windowframe. Creepy Freak. I forget I'm still in New York City, even if I am holing myself up in Queens.
In this world of open access, I shouldn't be freaked out of a random photo of me, taken by some man some person I don't even know, without my permission, we bare it all all the effin time. But of course I'm bothered. I'm a few feet away from the sliding glass door, which is only closed by the screen to let in the cool evening air. I don't know who could be looking at me at this point.
But isn't it the same thing with this journal? I'm writing the contents of my day simply acknowledge that my day happened, even though I had no contact with anyone today, except for my phone call to Alisha at 11:15 pm to tell her I'm holed up in Queens. Is it human nature to demand an audience? Is this why my nurfer crush and I continue to text each other the random moments we experience and those random thoughts of our day? This is why we continue to seek out connections, to create relationships and establish partnerships. So that we have the audience to watch the play going on in the stage of our lives.
I simply value my quiet time. I haven't had this kind of time to myself in so long. It was my time to reflect on my time in New York, the next steps that I plan on taking, the possibilities that are opening themselves up and will only come to fruition with time, regardless of how much I want answers now or things to happen immediately.
So it isn't exactly a waste that I didn't do any of my study guides. But it's almost midnight and I have a choice to eat a late dinner, sift through my notes and type out pieces of information that I will need for my exams. I just might and I tell you this boring piece of information simply because I need an audience. I only connected with one person over the phone today. My existence cannot exist unless I tell the story that I existed.
Of course I woke up at noon. I spent my "morning" listening to stars-inspired music on pandora, made an egg sandwich and two hotdogs without the buns. logged in online to the series of websites you go on before the real work can happen, read the New York Times, both the print and online section. Sat outside on the balcony and got some sunshine. That's my ultimate favorite moment - to just sit or lay in the sun, watching the outline of trees against the sky's backdrop.
I made myself go in when I realized there was a lens reflecting light staring at me from one of windows of the building across the way. Literally, it was a camera lens and minutes later, it was a camera phone, angled so that the person holding the phone was hidden behind the left hand border of the windowframe. Creepy Freak. I forget I'm still in New York City, even if I am holing myself up in Queens.
In this world of open access, I shouldn't be freaked out of a random photo of me, taken by some man some person I don't even know, without my permission, we bare it all all the effin time. But of course I'm bothered. I'm a few feet away from the sliding glass door, which is only closed by the screen to let in the cool evening air. I don't know who could be looking at me at this point.
But isn't it the same thing with this journal? I'm writing the contents of my day simply acknowledge that my day happened, even though I had no contact with anyone today, except for my phone call to Alisha at 11:15 pm to tell her I'm holed up in Queens. Is it human nature to demand an audience? Is this why my nurfer crush and I continue to text each other the random moments we experience and those random thoughts of our day? This is why we continue to seek out connections, to create relationships and establish partnerships. So that we have the audience to watch the play going on in the stage of our lives.
I simply value my quiet time. I haven't had this kind of time to myself in so long. It was my time to reflect on my time in New York, the next steps that I plan on taking, the possibilities that are opening themselves up and will only come to fruition with time, regardless of how much I want answers now or things to happen immediately.
So it isn't exactly a waste that I didn't do any of my study guides. But it's almost midnight and I have a choice to eat a late dinner, sift through my notes and type out pieces of information that I will need for my exams. I just might and I tell you this boring piece of information simply because I need an audience. I only connected with one person over the phone today. My existence cannot exist unless I tell the story that I existed.