Soldiering On
Title: Soldiering On
Author: akat
Rating: PG13
Fandom: AtS/Firefly
Word count: 2412
Disclaimer: I do not own Angel or Firefly.
Spoilers: Through Season 5 of Angel and all of Firefly and Serenity.
Summary: Back straight, head high. For as long as Zoe could remember, the words had been a way of life for her. Now they were the only thing keeping her alive. Turns out she isn’t the only one.
A/N: Eye surgery = lots of time to plot out stories + limited capacities to type them out + medication-inflated sense of writing chops to pull off stories outside my wheelhouse. Please be kind.
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Back straight, head high.
For as long as Zoe could remember, the words had been a way of life for her, long before she enlisted and long after the Battle of Serenity. Then Wash died, and it all changed. Now those words were the only thing keeping her alive.
Some days were easier than others; she spent the time on autopilot, following Mal’s orders with her back straight and her head held high, ignoring the agony inside her that was so raw, it tore her soul.
Other days were not as good. Those times, she had to chant the words in her head over and over again just to hold it together.
Today was one of those days.
It hadn’t started out that way, more like it crept up on her when she wasn’t looking. Hell, she had actually started the day feeling pretty decent, something that hadn’t happened since Miranda.
The broadcast that aired the Alliance’s dirty secret hadn’t gone over like Mal had hoped. Instead of lighting a fire, it created more of a slow burn. Folks were angry, but they were also scared, the memory of the Unification War still fresh in their minds. They were also plagued with the same gorram problems they had been before, unable to put their squabbling aside to work together. Mal tried to rustle up support where he could, but he and the rest of the crew were marked; they spent most their days on the run. It didn’t help that folks were scarce to find.
They finally got a break a few weeks ago, though.
After Miranda, they all figured River would find some peace, her mind finally free of the terrible secrets it had been hiding.
They figured wrong. It was just the beginning.
This time, it came through dreams, ones where Reaver-like creatures attacked girls like River, bathing the world in blood and chaos. At least, that’s how they started. After a spell, the dreams shifted. They began showing River things to come, things that could be, letting her ferret things out she had no business knowing in the first place, until even Jayne and Zoe herself couldn’t deny what was happening. When River began dreaming of a weapon so powerful it could turn the whole Verse on its gorram head, they all just asked where.
That was how the crew ended up here on Zephyr, a Rim planet in the Kalidasa system. It was a strange planet; half of it was covered in water and small islands, like the other planets in the system, the other half an uninhabited wasteland. It was like the terraforming just couldn’t take hold here.
Because half the planet was unuseable, the Alliance didn’t have any strong interests here, allowing the folks that inhabited the planet freer reign. Rumor was that reign had gotten a lot freer as of late, with whispers of a new player, one that would make the Alliance tuck tail and run. They hadn’t been able to learn anything about this person, ‘cept that his name was Fred. Still, it was like Christmas had come early to the crew of Serenity, and for the first time in a long while, they felt hope.
The plan was to find this weapon on the deserted half of the planet, then lay low for a few days as they sussed out this Fred. As usual, though, their plans went to hell this morning, the day they had finally located the weapon from River’s dreams.
The place had been empty, destroyed by an earthquake or some other catastrophic event, leaving nothing but a pile of rocks. There was no sign that a weapon had ever been there. The closest they found was a big stone box, cracked and empty like the rest of the gorram place.
Determined not to make the trip a total loss, Mal had sent everyone onto the main island to see what they could find about Fred.
That was the only reason why Zoe was currently at the local bar in the center of town, nursing a drink she never intended on drinking. Instead, she listened to folks as they passed by, gauging who might be worth talking to. It was a waste of time, though; the people around her were either too drunk to be useful, or not drunk enough.
Thinking she’d have better luck in a different part of the room, she gave the place a quick scan. As she did, she caught something out of the corner of her eye; a flash of blue, in a shade so unnatural, it stood out like a beacon among the muted greys and browns the people wore.
Zoe had seen that color once before; Wash had had a shirt like that. It had little orange flowers and oddly-shaped green trees all over the loud blue background; a prized possession bought with his share from one of their heists. It had been so ugly, Zoe winced every time she looked at it, and she had refused to let him go out in public wearing it; it would bring too much attention to him, something that would get him killed or captured.
He hadn’t cared. He wore it proudly around the ship, a faint smile on his face throughout the entire day.
Zoe grabbed the glass in front of her and drained it. Then, after slamming the glass down with a force she didn’t mean, she lurched to her feet, needing to get out of the place.
In her rush, she accidentally bumped into someone behind her. It wasn’t with any real force; he hardly moved. He must have been spoiling for a fight, though, because he immediately stepped forward, blocking her path.
“Well, what do we have here?”
“Just tryin’ to leave is all,” Zoe replied evenly.
The look in her eye had some of the others around them step back. This idiot was too far into his drink to notice, though, and made a show of looking her up and down.
“Leave? Nah,” he said as he reached a hand out to grab her. “With that attitude of yours, you need to get lai--”
Zoe grabbed his hand and gave it a violent twist before he could finish his sentence, sending him to his knees with the pain.
She was ready to walk away then, but one of the idiot’s friends decided to join in, trying to jump her from behind. He found himself crashing into the bar a moment later, the wood splintering under the force.
All hell broke loose after that, fists and bodies flying across the room. Zoe kept herself out of it, save to shove someone out of her way as she cut a path to the exit.
She probably would’ve made it, if the idiot who started it all had done the smart thing and admit that he was beat. Just as she pushed her way to the stairs, though, she felt his arms go round her waist, half-groping, half-crushing her as best he could.
Already raw with the memory of Wash, the thin control she had over her temper snapped. She whipped her head back as far as she could, smiling when she heard the crunch behind her. The arms around her immediately dropped away.
It wasn’t enough, though. Before she even knew what she was doing, she turned around and attacked.
He was unconscious a second later, but Zoe didn’t stop, not at first. She continued to hit him, calmly yet steadily, only vaguely aware of the damage she was doing. It was only when she realized that she was going to kill him if she didn’t stop that she pulled herself away -- and even that took more effort than she liked to admit.
Needing to put as much distance between and the bar as possible, she strode to the door and stepped outside. She wasn’t sure how far she walked, or even where she was by the time she finally stopped. She really didn’t care. She just leaned against the nearest wall and closed her eyes as she fought for control.
To her relief, folks around let her be, hardly noticing at all as they went about their business. She, on the other hand, began to pick up snippets of their conversation as she began to calm down. One piece of whispered gossip in particular had her snapping to attention.
“Alliance scouts have arrived. They’re in the marketplace now.”
They needed to leave. Now. As quickly as she could without drawing too much attention to herself, Zoe began to head for the outskirts of town, where Serenity was docked. It was easier that she thought it would be, as people streamed out from the town center, probably eager to be away from Alliance, too. Still, as she was ducking between two buildings, she heard a shout behind her.
“Stop right there, by order of the Alliance!”
Zoe ignored them and kept walking until she made it past an abandoned wagon, buried in boxes and barrels so that she could use them for cover if need be.
“Stop or we’ll shoot!”
They were serious. She could hear it in their voices, in their guns as they readied their weapons. With no real choice, Zoe stopped and slowly turned, letting her hand drift down to her pistol as she did.
To her surprise, she wasn’t as alone. In addition to the two Alliance soldiers standing at the end of the alley, there was also a woman standing a few feet in front of Zoe, looking straight at her.
She was a scrawny thing with mousy brown hair, her body drawn in on itself and frozen in fear. Her eyes, though…. for a split second, Zoe could’ve sworn there was something in the woman’s eyes, something cold and assessing and unnatural. It was gone a second later, and her eyes matching her outward appearance as she turned around toward the soldiers.
Zoe frowned, annoyed she hadn’t detected the woman’s presence before this. She quickly let it go, though. The Alliance lackies were ordering them to get on their knees, but the woman wasn’t budging an inch. That was fine in itself. Zoe wasn’t about to do what they said, either. But the woman didn’t have a single weapon on her, not even a decent throwing knife.
Zoe knew she should’ve steered clear. They had more than enough troubles of their own. And yet, before she could talk herself out of it, even as she heard the high-pitched whine of the Alliance blasters as they prepared to fire, Zoe launched herself at the woman, tackling her to the ground in a way that had them falling behind the wagon as the Alliance scouts let loose a volley of shots.
Scrambling into a crouch, Zoe looked at the woman, who was staring at her with the strangest look on her face. Zoe ignored it; there wasn’t time for that. Instead, she quickly assessed the situation before turning back to the woman.
“Stay here. When I give the signal, run,” Zoe ordered. She gave a grim smile. “This won’t be more than a minute. ”
Then she pulled her Mare’s Leg out of its holster, stepped out from the wagon, and fired before ducking back behind her cover.
Her first shot went wide, more of a warning shot than anything else. Predictably, the two soldiers took cover behind the two buildings, each on one side, as they continued to fire.
Zoe waited a beat before she tried again, this time aiming for the corner of the left wall.
She hit her target square on, causing bits of brick to spray out, momentarily distracting the soldier standing right behind it as he began clawing at his eyes. Seizing her opportunity, Zoe stepped out from behind the wagon and began firing on the other soldier. At the same time, she glanced over her shoulder and shouted.
“Run!”
But the woman stayed put. Just as Zoe fixed on hauling her to her feet and shoving her down the back alley, a bullet tore through Zoe’s shoulder, the force of it sending her back a few steps.
The Alliance soldier took this for a sign a weakness and moved in for the kill.
It was his mistake. Instead of hurting, the wound infuriated her. When he stepped away from his cover, she fired.
Her aim was true. He fell to the ground without so much as a whimper.
There was no time for celebration. By now, the other Alliance scout had recovered, and Zoe was square in his sights; however, before she could react -- or he could shoot -- he flew back a good ten feet, a metal slat from the wagon running clean through his head -- and his helmet.
Zoe whirled around, her pistol trained on the woman, who had stepped out from behind the wagon.
The woman just smiled. Zoe supposed it was to show she didn’t mean her any harm.
Zoe didn’t lower her gun.
“You no longer wish to speak with me?” the woman said.
Though Zoe felt her insides lurch, she cocked her head to the side in amusement. “‘Fred’? Really?”
The woman -- Fred -- stared at her.
Realizing this was not the best way to go about things, Zoe lowered her gun -- though she made sure she could get to it real quick if she needed to. As she thought of what to do, her gaze inadvertently strayed to the dead soldiers.
“It is not enough, is it? You wish to reach into their chests and rip their hearts out, to make them hurt as you do.”
Zoe studied Fred carefully for a moment, unsure how to reply, how much she wanted to reveal. After a long beat, she acquiesced.
“A bit graphic but not untrue,” she admitted.
Fred nodded. “Your grief is… not unfamiliar to me,” she said. When Zoe looked at her questioningly, she responded with a skewering stare. “Come. I tire of this world.”
Without bothering to see if Zoe was following, Fred began walking away.
For a brief second, Zoe hesitated, unsure what she was getting herself into. As she watched Fred leave, however, she noticed something. As strange as the woman was, there was something very familiar about her, something that resonated with Zoe, something she would’ve missed a year ago.
She, too, walked with her back straight and her head held high.
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Author: akat
Rating: PG13
Fandom: AtS/Firefly
Word count: 2412
Disclaimer: I do not own Angel or Firefly.
Spoilers: Through Season 5 of Angel and all of Firefly and Serenity.
Summary: Back straight, head high. For as long as Zoe could remember, the words had been a way of life for her. Now they were the only thing keeping her alive. Turns out she isn’t the only one.
A/N: Eye surgery = lots of time to plot out stories + limited capacities to type them out + medication-inflated sense of writing chops to pull off stories outside my wheelhouse. Please be kind.
+++
Back straight, head high.
For as long as Zoe could remember, the words had been a way of life for her, long before she enlisted and long after the Battle of Serenity. Then Wash died, and it all changed. Now those words were the only thing keeping her alive.
Some days were easier than others; she spent the time on autopilot, following Mal’s orders with her back straight and her head held high, ignoring the agony inside her that was so raw, it tore her soul.
Other days were not as good. Those times, she had to chant the words in her head over and over again just to hold it together.
Today was one of those days.
It hadn’t started out that way, more like it crept up on her when she wasn’t looking. Hell, she had actually started the day feeling pretty decent, something that hadn’t happened since Miranda.
The broadcast that aired the Alliance’s dirty secret hadn’t gone over like Mal had hoped. Instead of lighting a fire, it created more of a slow burn. Folks were angry, but they were also scared, the memory of the Unification War still fresh in their minds. They were also plagued with the same gorram problems they had been before, unable to put their squabbling aside to work together. Mal tried to rustle up support where he could, but he and the rest of the crew were marked; they spent most their days on the run. It didn’t help that folks were scarce to find.
They finally got a break a few weeks ago, though.
After Miranda, they all figured River would find some peace, her mind finally free of the terrible secrets it had been hiding.
They figured wrong. It was just the beginning.
This time, it came through dreams, ones where Reaver-like creatures attacked girls like River, bathing the world in blood and chaos. At least, that’s how they started. After a spell, the dreams shifted. They began showing River things to come, things that could be, letting her ferret things out she had no business knowing in the first place, until even Jayne and Zoe herself couldn’t deny what was happening. When River began dreaming of a weapon so powerful it could turn the whole Verse on its gorram head, they all just asked where.
That was how the crew ended up here on Zephyr, a Rim planet in the Kalidasa system. It was a strange planet; half of it was covered in water and small islands, like the other planets in the system, the other half an uninhabited wasteland. It was like the terraforming just couldn’t take hold here.
Because half the planet was unuseable, the Alliance didn’t have any strong interests here, allowing the folks that inhabited the planet freer reign. Rumor was that reign had gotten a lot freer as of late, with whispers of a new player, one that would make the Alliance tuck tail and run. They hadn’t been able to learn anything about this person, ‘cept that his name was Fred. Still, it was like Christmas had come early to the crew of Serenity, and for the first time in a long while, they felt hope.
The plan was to find this weapon on the deserted half of the planet, then lay low for a few days as they sussed out this Fred. As usual, though, their plans went to hell this morning, the day they had finally located the weapon from River’s dreams.
The place had been empty, destroyed by an earthquake or some other catastrophic event, leaving nothing but a pile of rocks. There was no sign that a weapon had ever been there. The closest they found was a big stone box, cracked and empty like the rest of the gorram place.
Determined not to make the trip a total loss, Mal had sent everyone onto the main island to see what they could find about Fred.
That was the only reason why Zoe was currently at the local bar in the center of town, nursing a drink she never intended on drinking. Instead, she listened to folks as they passed by, gauging who might be worth talking to. It was a waste of time, though; the people around her were either too drunk to be useful, or not drunk enough.
Thinking she’d have better luck in a different part of the room, she gave the place a quick scan. As she did, she caught something out of the corner of her eye; a flash of blue, in a shade so unnatural, it stood out like a beacon among the muted greys and browns the people wore.
Zoe had seen that color once before; Wash had had a shirt like that. It had little orange flowers and oddly-shaped green trees all over the loud blue background; a prized possession bought with his share from one of their heists. It had been so ugly, Zoe winced every time she looked at it, and she had refused to let him go out in public wearing it; it would bring too much attention to him, something that would get him killed or captured.
He hadn’t cared. He wore it proudly around the ship, a faint smile on his face throughout the entire day.
Zoe grabbed the glass in front of her and drained it. Then, after slamming the glass down with a force she didn’t mean, she lurched to her feet, needing to get out of the place.
In her rush, she accidentally bumped into someone behind her. It wasn’t with any real force; he hardly moved. He must have been spoiling for a fight, though, because he immediately stepped forward, blocking her path.
“Well, what do we have here?”
“Just tryin’ to leave is all,” Zoe replied evenly.
The look in her eye had some of the others around them step back. This idiot was too far into his drink to notice, though, and made a show of looking her up and down.
“Leave? Nah,” he said as he reached a hand out to grab her. “With that attitude of yours, you need to get lai--”
Zoe grabbed his hand and gave it a violent twist before he could finish his sentence, sending him to his knees with the pain.
She was ready to walk away then, but one of the idiot’s friends decided to join in, trying to jump her from behind. He found himself crashing into the bar a moment later, the wood splintering under the force.
All hell broke loose after that, fists and bodies flying across the room. Zoe kept herself out of it, save to shove someone out of her way as she cut a path to the exit.
She probably would’ve made it, if the idiot who started it all had done the smart thing and admit that he was beat. Just as she pushed her way to the stairs, though, she felt his arms go round her waist, half-groping, half-crushing her as best he could.
Already raw with the memory of Wash, the thin control she had over her temper snapped. She whipped her head back as far as she could, smiling when she heard the crunch behind her. The arms around her immediately dropped away.
It wasn’t enough, though. Before she even knew what she was doing, she turned around and attacked.
He was unconscious a second later, but Zoe didn’t stop, not at first. She continued to hit him, calmly yet steadily, only vaguely aware of the damage she was doing. It was only when she realized that she was going to kill him if she didn’t stop that she pulled herself away -- and even that took more effort than she liked to admit.
Needing to put as much distance between and the bar as possible, she strode to the door and stepped outside. She wasn’t sure how far she walked, or even where she was by the time she finally stopped. She really didn’t care. She just leaned against the nearest wall and closed her eyes as she fought for control.
To her relief, folks around let her be, hardly noticing at all as they went about their business. She, on the other hand, began to pick up snippets of their conversation as she began to calm down. One piece of whispered gossip in particular had her snapping to attention.
“Alliance scouts have arrived. They’re in the marketplace now.”
They needed to leave. Now. As quickly as she could without drawing too much attention to herself, Zoe began to head for the outskirts of town, where Serenity was docked. It was easier that she thought it would be, as people streamed out from the town center, probably eager to be away from Alliance, too. Still, as she was ducking between two buildings, she heard a shout behind her.
“Stop right there, by order of the Alliance!”
Zoe ignored them and kept walking until she made it past an abandoned wagon, buried in boxes and barrels so that she could use them for cover if need be.
“Stop or we’ll shoot!”
They were serious. She could hear it in their voices, in their guns as they readied their weapons. With no real choice, Zoe stopped and slowly turned, letting her hand drift down to her pistol as she did.
To her surprise, she wasn’t as alone. In addition to the two Alliance soldiers standing at the end of the alley, there was also a woman standing a few feet in front of Zoe, looking straight at her.
She was a scrawny thing with mousy brown hair, her body drawn in on itself and frozen in fear. Her eyes, though…. for a split second, Zoe could’ve sworn there was something in the woman’s eyes, something cold and assessing and unnatural. It was gone a second later, and her eyes matching her outward appearance as she turned around toward the soldiers.
Zoe frowned, annoyed she hadn’t detected the woman’s presence before this. She quickly let it go, though. The Alliance lackies were ordering them to get on their knees, but the woman wasn’t budging an inch. That was fine in itself. Zoe wasn’t about to do what they said, either. But the woman didn’t have a single weapon on her, not even a decent throwing knife.
Zoe knew she should’ve steered clear. They had more than enough troubles of their own. And yet, before she could talk herself out of it, even as she heard the high-pitched whine of the Alliance blasters as they prepared to fire, Zoe launched herself at the woman, tackling her to the ground in a way that had them falling behind the wagon as the Alliance scouts let loose a volley of shots.
Scrambling into a crouch, Zoe looked at the woman, who was staring at her with the strangest look on her face. Zoe ignored it; there wasn’t time for that. Instead, she quickly assessed the situation before turning back to the woman.
“Stay here. When I give the signal, run,” Zoe ordered. She gave a grim smile. “This won’t be more than a minute. ”
Then she pulled her Mare’s Leg out of its holster, stepped out from the wagon, and fired before ducking back behind her cover.
Her first shot went wide, more of a warning shot than anything else. Predictably, the two soldiers took cover behind the two buildings, each on one side, as they continued to fire.
Zoe waited a beat before she tried again, this time aiming for the corner of the left wall.
She hit her target square on, causing bits of brick to spray out, momentarily distracting the soldier standing right behind it as he began clawing at his eyes. Seizing her opportunity, Zoe stepped out from behind the wagon and began firing on the other soldier. At the same time, she glanced over her shoulder and shouted.
“Run!”
But the woman stayed put. Just as Zoe fixed on hauling her to her feet and shoving her down the back alley, a bullet tore through Zoe’s shoulder, the force of it sending her back a few steps.
The Alliance soldier took this for a sign a weakness and moved in for the kill.
It was his mistake. Instead of hurting, the wound infuriated her. When he stepped away from his cover, she fired.
Her aim was true. He fell to the ground without so much as a whimper.
There was no time for celebration. By now, the other Alliance scout had recovered, and Zoe was square in his sights; however, before she could react -- or he could shoot -- he flew back a good ten feet, a metal slat from the wagon running clean through his head -- and his helmet.
Zoe whirled around, her pistol trained on the woman, who had stepped out from behind the wagon.
The woman just smiled. Zoe supposed it was to show she didn’t mean her any harm.
Zoe didn’t lower her gun.
“You no longer wish to speak with me?” the woman said.
Though Zoe felt her insides lurch, she cocked her head to the side in amusement. “‘Fred’? Really?”
The woman -- Fred -- stared at her.
Realizing this was not the best way to go about things, Zoe lowered her gun -- though she made sure she could get to it real quick if she needed to. As she thought of what to do, her gaze inadvertently strayed to the dead soldiers.
“It is not enough, is it? You wish to reach into their chests and rip their hearts out, to make them hurt as you do.”
Zoe studied Fred carefully for a moment, unsure how to reply, how much she wanted to reveal. After a long beat, she acquiesced.
“A bit graphic but not untrue,” she admitted.
Fred nodded. “Your grief is… not unfamiliar to me,” she said. When Zoe looked at her questioningly, she responded with a skewering stare. “Come. I tire of this world.”
Without bothering to see if Zoe was following, Fred began walking away.
For a brief second, Zoe hesitated, unsure what she was getting herself into. As she watched Fred leave, however, she noticed something. As strange as the woman was, there was something very familiar about her, something that resonated with Zoe, something she would’ve missed a year ago.
She, too, walked with her back straight and her head held high.
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