(no subject)
Title: Buffy meets Urkel
Author: jakedaman
Rating: FR18
Crossover: Family Matters
Pairing: None
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, wish I did. Be doin', like, all kindsa crossovers!
Summary: Buffy, Faith, Xander, and Kennedy are trying to stop a Vampire from blowing up the Council. Again. They meet a new Slayer on the way who has her own... Well, don't know if you'd call him a Watcher or not...
Author's notes: I thought, "Buffy has got to meet a lot people in her line of work." So, here ya go...
“Did I do thaaaat?” the young man asked in his high pitched nasally voice, the dust from the staked vampire blew away in the light wind.
“Damn B!” Faith exclaimed, “He’s not a Slayer. He’s clumsy as hell, but he’s killed more Vampires in a day then Kennedy has all year!”
“Hey!” Kennedy shouted while fighting for her life.
Steven Quincy Urkel gasped, seeing the girl he longed to marry (when they’re older of course) knocked back by another Vampire. Yelling, “Laura!” he snapped off his suspenders running forward. Snatching up a large rock he handed one end of his suspenders to Buffy and Faith sliding to a stop between them. Placing the rock in the middle he pulled back muttering equations to himself about the angle, approximate weight of the rock, and let go with a twang!
Missing the Vampire it bounced off one tree, caromed off another to streak back towards the grappling duo. Buffy, Faith, and Urkel all yelled in unison, “Laura! Duck!”
Reflexes honed from years of having a friend like Steve the newly christened Slayer dropped into a split. With an evil smile she straight armed her antagonist right in the bread basket. Steve and Xander, whom had dispatched his Vampire, crossed their legs covering their nether regions in genuine empathy while exclaiming a deep, painful, “Ooohhh!”
The Vampire gusted out a non-existent breath with the fist-sized rock choosing that moment to impact right between his eyes. The un-dead fiend, propelled by the kinetic energy imparted from the stone missile performed a 270 degree back flip, ending with his face buried into the ground. Again the guys of the group let out a yelp of “Yowza!” in commiseration. In a manly way, of course.
Unnoticed by all gathered, friend and foe alike, the rock sped off and upwards into the night sky describing a high parabolic arc. Kennedy, having just stabbed her sparring partner in the back as he had been distracted by the pain his un-dead partner heard a faint whistling noise. She looked up just in time to notice that self-same inert missile gathering speed on its downward arc. Following its path further Kennedy noticed its Final Destination. Eyes wide in alarm she screamed, “INCOMING!” and dived ungraciously behind a tombstone.
The granite missile hit the stockpile of varied explosive’s the Vampires had been gathering. Those explosives were the very reason for tonight’s raid by the Slayers. Steve had been so worried about his paramour he tagged along without them knowing.
It only took a second and everyone else did the same, except for the Vampire left behind. He had recovered, heard the warning and sped toward his stockpile of explosives yelling, “Nooooo!” He jumped, but was too late.
The rock broke through the one and only glass of nitroglycerin in the middle of the stockpile. This, naturally, caused the unstable liquid to… well, explode. The rest of the dynamite followed suit instantly after. Fortunately, the explosives had been stored within a coffin. Even more fortunate said coffin was still six-feet down in the ground.
Just not under anymore.
They were all told later (much later and out of Steve’s earshot) the resultant mushroom cloud could actually be seen for a distance of up to five miles away. The Vampire running toward the explosion was lucky in that he didn’t get burned. The shockwave though caught him while in the air and blew him away to land unceremoniously behind our heroes.
Standing slowly, the Slayers (those unused to life with Steve Urkel) stared at the widened hole in the ground shock etched upon their features. Laura simply stood, grabbed the slightly smoking vampire throwing him back into the clearing. Steve, for his part had shouted out, “Whoa momma!” as the mushroom cloud dissipated. Glaring at the Vampire he pointed to the epicenter of the explosion admonishing, “Look what you did!”
The Vampire for his part grabbed a loose stake near him and jumped to his feet. Glaring at the Slayers, Xander, and sending poisonous eye-darts at Steve he yelled, “That’s it! I Quit.”
He staked himself.
“Damn.” Faith drawled.
“Harsh.” Kennedy agreed, exchanging a fist bump with Faith.
Laura said, “That’s my man.”, Pulling Steve into a hug and a kiss. Steve enjoyed it until he had to gasp out, “Laura… ribs… need breath… shooo!”
“You’ll get used to it.” Faith reassured her, smirking in Xanders direction she slinked, “Ain’t that right boytoy.”
Xander could only blush.
“Ewww!” Buffy exclaimed, “Mind Bleach!”
Turning towards the happy couple Buffy stuck out her hand saying, “Hi, I’m Buffy, the skank is Faith..” “hey, I resemble that remark!” “… the other skank is Kennedy. And the pirate is Xander.”
Steve had grabbed up a stake in the process of making sure Laura was all right. He threw it off the side in order to shake Buffy’s hand. Everyone stopped at the sound of a meaty ‘thunk’. Turning to the nearby bushes a vampire stepped out, looked at them then at the stake in his chest. He said “Dang”, and promptly dissolved into dust.
Everyone, except Laura, looked from the new dust pile to Steve, then back again. And back to Steve who said,
“Did I doo thaaat?”