Aug 28 - Spoonful of Sugar
Title: Day 28 - Spoonful of Sugar
Author: acswatwst
Rating: FR-13
Crossover: (too many!) BtVS / Ghost Busters (1975)/ Secrets of Isis/ Stargate/ Dr Who / Mary Poppins
Word Count: 1,074
Disclaimer: This is a derivative work. All BtVS characters and concepts belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox Television, and others. Funimation/NBCUniversal owns the original (1975) Ghost Busters and Secrets of Isis. Stargate is owned by some media conglomerate, which is not me. All things Dr. Who are owned by the BBC. Mary Poppins is owned by Disney?
Note: Warning! There are at least 3 different Egypt backstories from different fandoms going on here. It's a weird mashup so don't expect it to be too coherent. Not sure the whole thing makes sense.
Summary: Joyce, Andrea, and the other person meet their captors.
"You aren't those fools who stole my umbrella!" the faintly glowing woman sitting in the large chair said. She turned to the grungy looking man to her right. "Bert! Go find them!"
"Right-O Mary Poppins!" he said. With a hop, and a skip, and a twirl, leaving behind a cloud of black dust, the man exited the room.
"And who might you three be," the woman said. "Only time travelers should have been caught in that trap. And none of you look like any I'm familiar with."
"And who might you be?" the woman who'd been in the cell with them said. "Does Sutekh know you've stolen his robots?"
"That foolish Osirian and the rest of his people were destroyed by the Goa'uld eons ago," the glowing woman said. "What I, Mary Poppins, does with their gaudy Egyptian leftovers is no concern of yours."
"How many fake Egyptian gods were there?" Joyce asked, in a low whisper.
"Too many," Andrea said, also in a low whisper. "The Goa'uld fake gods and now apparently these Osirians."
"You can keep the Goa'uld," the woman from the cell said. "I'll just be going now." Turning she tried unsuccessfully to slip away from the mummy holding her arm.
"What are you," Mary, said. "You must be a time traveler to set off the trap that was set for those fools."
"That wasn't me," she said, straightening her dress. "I'm just a passing traveler. You want her and her Furling."
"The Furlings do not exist in this reality," Mary said. "The Goa'uld exterminated them, after the Osirians."
"Those second rate Daleks?" the woman from the cell said. "They were obviously wrong. But I'm just a wandering Time Lady, what do I know."
"There are no Time Ladies left, other than myself," Mary said. "I'm the only survivor of Gallifrey. Not you, whoever you are."
"Destroyed it yourself? Very impressive," the woman said. "Never let it be said that I, Missy, don't give others credit for their actions. But I think you missed a few things."
"It was the perfect destruction," Mary said. "But those fools have now run off with Rassilhon's scepter."
"I can help you find it, if you let me go," Missy said eagerly.
"Do you think I'm a fool?" Mary said, obviously not impressed. "Bert shall return with it shortly."
Missy shrugged. "Your loss."
"Who are the two of you?" Mary said, dismissing Missy, and turning to Andrea and Joyce. "Do you claim to be Time Ladies also? Or will you tell me the truth." She took out a large glass bottle and a spoon.
"No need for that," Bert said, hurrying into the room. Reaching over he took the spoon and glass bottle away from Mary. "You know what happens when you give someone a spoonful of that sugar."
"They answer my questions," Mary said. "Quickly. And where is my scepter!"
"I'm still searching for it," Bert said. "They won't get far."
"What does it look like?" Missy said. "Maybe I've seen it?"
"Her umbrella," Bert said, sighing. "Many a sweep has been punished for getting soot on it."
"Sweep?" Joyce said. "You called her Mary Poppins."
"That she is," Bert said. "Not been the same since she crashed her TARDIS into Big Ben in a lightning storm."
"Bert!" Mary screeched. "Stop gossiping and go find my scepter."
"It used to be all about the kiddies," Bert whispered. "Future minions she called them. Now she wants that scepter. Which she can't hold anyway."
"Bert!" Mary said, stomping her foot. Which curiously didn't make a sound.
"Too-doo-loo!" Bert said, racing out of the room.
"Did you notice he's glowing?" Joyce said, in a low voice. "And so is she. I think they're actually ghosts."
"That is an interesting observation," Missy said, sidling up to them. "It takes an unusual set of circumstances for a Time Lord, or Lady, to become a non-corporeal entity. I've always thought it was too much trouble myself."
"The guys didn't allow me to bring the ghost dematerializer with me on this trip," Joyce said. "If they're ghosts, how do we stop them?"
"Give her what she wants?" Andrea said. "What does this scepter actually do?"
"Nothing if you aren't a Gallifreyan," Missy said. "I'm sure I could find a use for it."
Joyce shared a look with Andrea. She may not remember meeting this Missy before, but there was definite danger vibes being given off by her. Giving her this scepter would probably be a bad idea.
"You have not answered my questions," Mary said. "Who are you! How did you set off my trap?"
"Now?" Joyce said, in a whisper. Andrea nodded.
"Oh mighty Isis," Andrea said, in a clear voice. There was a flash and she was transformed into Isis.
"You've been keeping secrets from me," Missy said, giggling. "Another Egyptian? You aren't a Goa'uld or Osirian. Such glorious chaos awaits."
Mary cringed back in her seat at the appearance of Isis. "You cannot be in here," she said. "We're shielded against them."
"You cannot kidnap people because you've lost something," Isis said. "They are not yours to play with. You must put them back."
"Oh, she's one of those entities," Missy said, sighing. "How do you stand the self-righteousness?" She poked Joyce.
"She helps people," Joyce said, shrugging. "What's wrong with that?"
"Not everyone wants help like that," Missy said, grimacing. "Guess it's time to leave before things get messy."
"No," Mary said. "No has-been Egyptian goddess has a say in what the last of the Time Lords does."
"Not the last," Missy said, shaking her head. "There are more of us out in the universe than her. And more intelligent than Poppins here, apparently."
"Who stole your scepter," Isis said.
"Not really hers," Missy said loudly. "She stole it from Rassilhon's tomb."
"How do you know that?" Joyce said.
"It wasn't there when I looked," Missy said. "It should be in the hands of someone who knows what to do with it, like myself."
"Isis, I don't think she's going to let us go," Joyce said, in a loud whisper.
"You are not leaving until I get my scepter back," Mary said, not hearing Joyce. She slammed her hand down on the arm of her chair and heavy doors slammed into place, locking them into the room.
"That's not good," Missy said, looking down at a small device in her hand.
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Additional Note: No, I'm not the first person to make Mary Poppins a Time Lord/Lady (I migth have even done it myself in an earleir story but I couldn't find it.) Of course, this one is sort of a ghost who doesn't havea firn grip on reality. And Missy isn't helping. And Isis might make things worse. Much worse.