Aug 18th - Storytime
Title: Storytime
Author: acswatwst (acs)
Rating: FR-13
Word Count: 1,515
Crossover: BtVS / Dr Who / Brinley: Mad Scientist Club / Stargate: SG-1
Disclaimer: This is a derivative work. All BtVS characters and concepts belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox Television, and others. The BBC owns all things Dr Who (K-9, Romana, etc.). The estate of Bertrand R. Brinley owns the town of Mammoth Falls, its surroundings, people, and the Mad Scientist Club. SG-1/Stargate belongs to someone else.
Author's Note: Slowly stepping away from Mammoth Falls
Summary: Romana takes them on a field trip. Missy has more ouzo.
"Why Mammoth Falls?" Joyce asked, leaning against Missy's workbench in the lab she'd set up in Hold 5.
"Don't you have places to be?" Missy asked. "Somewhere there's a robot dog ready to beat you at chess, again."
"I'm getting better," Joyce said. "I almost beat him last week. But that wasn't my question. Of all the places to hide something, why there?"
"Can your primitive brain understand that I didn't need a reason, or that you don't need to know?" Missy said, putting down the tool she'd been using. "Go away!"
"Nope,"Joyce said. "You owe me a story, and I'm here to collect."
"I don't negotiate with Pets," Missy said. "Or pests. Go away."
"I want to hear this story also," Romana said, coming into the lab, K-9 right behind her.
"Well, isn't this cozy," Missy said. "If I'm going to tell that story, it will cost you. And none of that swill your pet drinks."
-- -- --
"Not exactly what I had in mind," Missy said, grumbling under her breath about cheaters.
"We stopped for a bottle of your favorite ouzo," Romana said. "And several other things for the rest of us."
"I think it's great," Joyce said, sipping her hot espresso grande.
"Why here?" Missy said.
"If you're going to tell us what happened in 1910, I believe there is someone else who should hear about it. Call it insurance," Romana said, grinning. "Come along." Grabbing a large leather satchel sitting on the console, she left the TARDIS, Joyce and K-9 rushing to catch up.
"Perky junior Time Lords are the worst," Missy said, grumbling. Sighing, she straightened her classic dress, that only she could give justice to, if she said so herself. If it had a few upgrades that made it the equivalent of a 50th century Time Agent battle dress, she wasn't telling anyone.
She caught up to them, just as Romana knocked on the door.
"Romana? And baby Joyce, and others," Sam Carter said, opening the door and staring at them in surprise. "What brings you to this time and place?"
"Story time?" Joyce said. "And I'm not a baby!"
"Story time? Am I going to regret letting you three, sorry K-9, four in?" Sam said.
"If we're interrupting something important, we can go somewhere else," Missy said, looking for a way out that would still leave her with access to the TARDIS.
"Just a team dinner," Sam said.
"Who's out there, Sam?" a male voice shouted.
"Just some friends dropping by for a visit, Sir," Sam said over her shoulder.
"See, she calls me a friend," Missy said smugly to Joyce.
"That's because she doesn't know you. At all," Joyce said.
"I had a nice chat with her," Missy said. "Her and her main squeeze."
"You mean old me," Joyce said. "I know Sam and ancient me have a thing going on. You aren't going to surprise me."
"Ruin my fun," Missy said, sighing dramatically.
"Hey Sam? I'm not here am I?" Joyce said. "Does your gang know me?"
"No," Sam said. "And I would prefer if that was just between us, and Janet for now."
"Plausible deniability. I like how you think," Missy said.
"You mentioned story time? Just a second," Sam said. Turning she went back inside, where an unintelligible conversation took place.
-- -- --
"Introductions Sam," the old grey haired man with his leg in a cast said. Joyce was sure Sam had said is name but she'd missed it. It might have been Jack something.
"Yes sir," Sam said, sighing. "Romana, Joyce, K-9, and Missy."
"Our little Sammy has never mentioned you," he said, "How did you all meet?"
"We haven't yet," Joyce said, looking around curiously, wondering if older her had had any influence on the way the room looked. "Or at least I haven't."
"But she says you've been friends for a long time," the younger man said. Joyce thought he'd been introduced as Daniel Jackson.
"Time travel," Joyce said, with a shrug. "She's friends with old me."
"Time travel Sam? What did we say about messing with time travel?" Jack said, frowning.
"Not to do it?" Sam said. "And leave it to the experts, if you must."
"Which you are," Romana said, nodding. "We are The time travel experts."
"You are," Joyce said to Romana. "I'm just along for the ride, and Missy is good at finding loopholes in your time rules."
"Life would be boring without loopholes," Missy said. "For example, how did you recruit big and hunky over there?" She waved at the large man who'd been introduced as Murray. "The Goa'uld don't like their Jaffa running off and doing their own thing."
"What do you know of the Goa'uld and Jaffa," Murray said.
"Nasty little snakes," Missy said. "So much wasted potential. They could have been gloriously evil but are just annoying narcissists."
"You met them," Jack said, looking disturbed.
"I prefer their ancestors," Missy said. "Ah, Daleks. That was evil with a crunchy center."
"Enough," Romana said, poking Missy. "You'll frighten them with talk like that."
"I am what I am," Missy said. "It takes a lot of work to be as evil as I am."
"Ignore her," Joyce said, seeing the horrified look on Daniel's face. "We do."
"You mentioned a story," Sam said, filling the sudden silence.
"Missy was going to tell us what she was doing in a small town in your country in 1910," Romana said.
"Mammoth Falls is an awesome place, or some of the people there are," Joyce said. "In 1962 anyway. But in 1910 it doesn't seem very special."
"I need a drink," Missy said. "Where is that ouzo."
"I didn't forget it," Romana said, opening her satchel. She proceeded to pull out several bottles that looked like they wouldn't fit.
"Is a Mary Poppins bag standard issue for time travelers?" Jack asked, raising an eyebrow.
"It occasionally comes in handy," Romana said.
"It's actually a portal," Joyce whispered to him. "A real Poppins bag is impossible without magic, which isn't real."
"So you could reach in and pull out a gun?" Jack said.
"Not at the moment," Romana said. "I don't keep a gun in my liquor storage."
"A generous hostess," Missy said, taking a glass from the tray Sam had brought in. Opening the one clear bottle, she filled her glass to the brim and took a leisurely sip. "Excellent vintage," Missy said. "That bottle looks familiar."
"It's from that crate we retrieved from the Titanic," Romana said. Turning to Sam she said, "The scotch is supposed to be an excellent vintage, but I can't really vouch for it."
"Where did you get it?" Sam asked. "We had several bottles from that trip to Scotland."
"It's the same vintage as those," Romana said. "We stopped there on the way."
"Your friends have excellent taste in scotch," Jack said, examining one of the bottles. Taking a glass he carefully poured himself some. "This must be some story if it needs this."
"Mind if I sit here?" Joyce said, squeezing into a space on Sam's couch between Jack and Daniel. "I don't bite," she reassured them.
"I'd watch out for her," Missy said. "I'm not sure she's had her shots."
"I'm not contagious," Joyce said. "I'm from Dayton. We all get our shots there."
"Time travelers are from Dayton?" Daniel said.
"No, I am," Joyce said. "That's where we met."
"Don't let those pointed ears fool you," Missy said. "She's wanted by Goa'uld on five planets in three different times. Oh, wait, that's me."
"You had to bring up the ears," Joyce said, grimacing. "Do I tell random people about your physical differences?"
"So, none of you are human, then," Daniel said.
"Not at the moment," Joyce said. "It's a long story," she added when he gave her a puzzled look.
"So, what's the story behind 1910?" Sam said, hopefully.
"There was something hidden in a huge old Civil War cannon in Mammoth Falls," Joyce said. "Missy was going to explain how it got there."
"And I thought Sam would be interested, since it is bound to involve paradoxes and time travel," Romana said. "And in how Missy operates, in case you run into her in the future."
"Giving away my secrets?" Missy said. "I'm shocked." She fanned her face in faux surprise.
"So, that's why you'll really here, Sam said in a low voice to Romana.
"I knew you would understand," Romana said, grinning.
"And if the audience wants me to start, they'll shut up and pay attention," Missy said. "This is your only chance to hear this story."
"Go ahead," Romana said. "We're all ears."
"Some more than others," Jack said, smirking.
"Ear jokes won't get you any favors," Joyce said, glaring at him.
Shaking her head, Missy tossed down the rest of her glass of ouzo, refilled it and took a long slow sip while glancing around the room. "It was just after your Civil War, though like all wars there was nothing civil about it... just the way I like my wars..."