(no subject)
I feel like im walking very slowly around a big racetrack, with tall walls on each side, so i cant see anything else and there's no forks in the road. Ive been going around in circles for like six years now. Sometimes i suspect that all the feelings i have are just reminiscent of emotions i had at some previous time. It's unbeleivably uninspiring and discouraging and I cant access any shred of ambition or motivation to try and discover what it is that Im missing. If there even is anything that Im missing that i would give a shit about.
I can't write anymore. I have ZERO creativity in me, anymore. I think the main thing i was afraid of, in years past was to get to this point. I know for sure that at one point there was life in me. Granted, the amount of life in me, for a long time, manifested in a dangerous and self destructive way, at least I was alive in some sense. At this point I am just stuck with dangerous and self destructive tendencies, and not because my actions outweigh the consequences, but because the consequences may add up and cease this lack of action, this this bankruptcy of soul.
I need some kind of outlet even more than i need a JOB. ...though a job would probably be helpful too.
I need inspiring words.
Or for fucking SOMETHING to HAPPEN.
I have also decided that next week i will actually be turning 21 again.
22 sounds kinda boring.
I can't write anymore. I have ZERO creativity in me, anymore. I think the main thing i was afraid of, in years past was to get to this point. I know for sure that at one point there was life in me. Granted, the amount of life in me, for a long time, manifested in a dangerous and self destructive way, at least I was alive in some sense. At this point I am just stuck with dangerous and self destructive tendencies, and not because my actions outweigh the consequences, but because the consequences may add up and cease this lack of action, this this bankruptcy of soul.
I need some kind of outlet even more than i need a JOB. ...though a job would probably be helpful too.
I need inspiring words.
Or for fucking SOMETHING to HAPPEN.
I have also decided that next week i will actually be turning 21 again.
22 sounds kinda boring.