(no subject)
Substances and scars
Defining who we are
And making everyone beleive
Our minds haev drifted far
The crazy things we say
And how we live each day
And how each thing we care about
Seems further and further away.
These substances and scars and burns
The way they'll never make us learn
The times we try to hurt ourselves
The pain for which we yearn
So burn the page with upset words
And cease the cries that no one heard
And clean the glass up from the floor
With blood stains on your arm
Substances and scars
Destroying who we are
And making us forget about
Not living up to par
So continue with our lives
Through pills and smoke and knives
Neglecting to consider
The nothing for which we strive. This is what I posted on the first livejournal entry i ever made on this account. I have had this account for over three years now. I just went through the entire thing, reliving many fond memories, and many painful ones. Ive realized a few things. Ive realized how badly i drifted away from myself in the last couple years. How badly that has affected my life. How serious it is that the consequences are irreversable. Thinking about it gives me a very strong feeling that things arent going to be great again. For the longest time, i have not been a happy person. But i was submerged in bliss for blinks. For short flashes in the darkness, was complete, and content, and perfect. Those times are over. My eyes see differently now. I noticed and entry I had made about being terrified of losing myself, of growing older and losing the person I am. I feel now, that that person will always be with me, but will always be an item in inventory. A vague memory, laighing in my face, reminding me of how badly I fucked up what could have been the epitomy of perfection. I do not regret my own failures. I do not regret my standing, or my place. I do not regret where I am or who i know or what i do, or what i have done, but only what i have refused to do and what i have refused to see and everything that i have not had the courage to say. My selfish pride, and fear, and insecurity has prevented me from nuturing the most beautiful growth my own personal history has ever seen. I used to write poetrty, poetry that seems watered down and cliche, at the time, but now seems like the lyrics of my life. It seems profound. Be it the angel dust, or the time period that i was doing angel dust, or the events that resulted from that time and the short time before, I have lost a large part of myself. An IMPORTANT part of myself. I think i may make a new livejournal now, and not write in this one anymore. Avoid tainting it with this meaningless present and this meaningless future. ....No....not meaningless. But not the same. Never the same again. Im sorry for all those who are lost forever.
Defining who we are
And making everyone beleive
Our minds haev drifted far
The crazy things we say
And how we live each day
And how each thing we care about
Seems further and further away.
These substances and scars and burns
The way they'll never make us learn
The times we try to hurt ourselves
The pain for which we yearn
So burn the page with upset words
And cease the cries that no one heard
And clean the glass up from the floor
With blood stains on your arm
Substances and scars
Destroying who we are
And making us forget about
Not living up to par
So continue with our lives
Through pills and smoke and knives
Neglecting to consider
The nothing for which we strive. This is what I posted on the first livejournal entry i ever made on this account. I have had this account for over three years now. I just went through the entire thing, reliving many fond memories, and many painful ones. Ive realized a few things. Ive realized how badly i drifted away from myself in the last couple years. How badly that has affected my life. How serious it is that the consequences are irreversable. Thinking about it gives me a very strong feeling that things arent going to be great again. For the longest time, i have not been a happy person. But i was submerged in bliss for blinks. For short flashes in the darkness, was complete, and content, and perfect. Those times are over. My eyes see differently now. I noticed and entry I had made about being terrified of losing myself, of growing older and losing the person I am. I feel now, that that person will always be with me, but will always be an item in inventory. A vague memory, laighing in my face, reminding me of how badly I fucked up what could have been the epitomy of perfection. I do not regret my own failures. I do not regret my standing, or my place. I do not regret where I am or who i know or what i do, or what i have done, but only what i have refused to do and what i have refused to see and everything that i have not had the courage to say. My selfish pride, and fear, and insecurity has prevented me from nuturing the most beautiful growth my own personal history has ever seen. I used to write poetrty, poetry that seems watered down and cliche, at the time, but now seems like the lyrics of my life. It seems profound. Be it the angel dust, or the time period that i was doing angel dust, or the events that resulted from that time and the short time before, I have lost a large part of myself. An IMPORTANT part of myself. I think i may make a new livejournal now, and not write in this one anymore. Avoid tainting it with this meaningless present and this meaningless future. ....No....not meaningless. But not the same. Never the same again. Im sorry for all those who are lost forever.