OH FUCK YEAH
I'm back bitches!!!!!!!!!! :)
Wow, I was totally looking through my OLD OLD entries from like 2004. Man, I used to be a really immature fucking brat. lol.
Anyways, I am now living in Missoula Montana with Jessie. Total hippie town and I LOVE IT. I've met some cool people so far, like our neighbors Maigan and AJ, Lance, Sunny Larry, and Darris. Woot. I'm back in college finally and I'm taking chemistry this summer.
Hmm. I smoke pot like every day now. It makes me lazy.
Things with me and Jessie are good for the most part. I still can't help it that i'm a psycho controlling insecure fucker. I seriously wish I could better myself because I start so much shit for no fucking reason, just because I've got random head problems or whatever. I dont know.
Today Jessie started his new job as a diesel mechanic. He ran out of gas on the way there and now I am trying to find a way to get out there to give him my credit card so he can get gas to come home. UGH i feel so bad for him.
I no longer do any methamphetamines. I like that shit way too much and I know I'm addicted so I just try to stay away. Moving to Missoula helped a lot too cuz we can't even get it up here.
It's insane how much I've learned in the past couple years. I don't even feel like the same person. I don't know who I am. I used to be so full of life, even if I was depressed and negative. Now I'm just like... blah to everything. I have so much more fear and anger than I did a few years ago. The only difference now is that it's buried deep inside. I won't even talk to anyone, I won't even acknowledge my feelings because they are fucking bullshit.
So I'm hoping this journal thing might straighten some shit out.
I don't even party as much as I used to. Well I guess I do, but it's just not that big of a deal anymore. I'm not crazy, I'm not a partygirl anymore. In a way I kind of miss it but that was a totally different life.
Go figure, I'm never really happy. I don't think it's possible for me to happy with anything. But I'm comfortable with that.
And I fucking love drugs. Drugs are so much better than alcohol.
I used to be so creative and now I don't even know what to say to myself. How ironic.
Wow, I was totally looking through my OLD OLD entries from like 2004. Man, I used to be a really immature fucking brat. lol.
Anyways, I am now living in Missoula Montana with Jessie. Total hippie town and I LOVE IT. I've met some cool people so far, like our neighbors Maigan and AJ, Lance, Sunny Larry, and Darris. Woot. I'm back in college finally and I'm taking chemistry this summer.
Hmm. I smoke pot like every day now. It makes me lazy.
Things with me and Jessie are good for the most part. I still can't help it that i'm a psycho controlling insecure fucker. I seriously wish I could better myself because I start so much shit for no fucking reason, just because I've got random head problems or whatever. I dont know.
Today Jessie started his new job as a diesel mechanic. He ran out of gas on the way there and now I am trying to find a way to get out there to give him my credit card so he can get gas to come home. UGH i feel so bad for him.
I no longer do any methamphetamines. I like that shit way too much and I know I'm addicted so I just try to stay away. Moving to Missoula helped a lot too cuz we can't even get it up here.
It's insane how much I've learned in the past couple years. I don't even feel like the same person. I don't know who I am. I used to be so full of life, even if I was depressed and negative. Now I'm just like... blah to everything. I have so much more fear and anger than I did a few years ago. The only difference now is that it's buried deep inside. I won't even talk to anyone, I won't even acknowledge my feelings because they are fucking bullshit.
So I'm hoping this journal thing might straighten some shit out.
I don't even party as much as I used to. Well I guess I do, but it's just not that big of a deal anymore. I'm not crazy, I'm not a partygirl anymore. In a way I kind of miss it but that was a totally different life.
Go figure, I'm never really happy. I don't think it's possible for me to happy with anything. But I'm comfortable with that.
And I fucking love drugs. Drugs are so much better than alcohol.
I used to be so creative and now I don't even know what to say to myself. How ironic.