(no subject)
I really treasure this journal; I plan to keep it going as long as I can. In the 6 years that I've been writing here, I've gone through a lot of different things, but the one thing that never changes is that I'm always amazed when I look back. There is so much from the past that helps me come to terms with the present, and most of it is things I would have forgotten or suppressed into oblivion if I hadn't put them here. It also helps me introspect on my past self, which isn't much help to her, but it does impact my attitude today.
For example, after reading through the ENTIRE journal this month to convert it to friends-only, I feel like I owe an apology to everyone I ever knew. I have always been such an angry, self-centered bitch. I never admitted my own faults, but was totally critical of other people, and brutal, and completely unforgiving. I wish I could go back and repair some of the high school friendships I destroyed, and maybe not have cussed at my mom so much or said/wrote that I hate her every day. And I can't believe how much I expected from Brandyn or Liz, especially when we were at a distance.
What I'd like to do with that today is stop holding grudges against people, not lash out at my friends for offering constructive criticism, accept the things I don't like about the people I do, and try to remember that everyone has a life outside of knowing me. I'm lucky to have a portion of their time and love.
For example, after reading through the ENTIRE journal this month to convert it to friends-only, I feel like I owe an apology to everyone I ever knew. I have always been such an angry, self-centered bitch. I never admitted my own faults, but was totally critical of other people, and brutal, and completely unforgiving. I wish I could go back and repair some of the high school friendships I destroyed, and maybe not have cussed at my mom so much or said/wrote that I hate her every day. And I can't believe how much I expected from Brandyn or Liz, especially when we were at a distance.
What I'd like to do with that today is stop holding grudges against people, not lash out at my friends for offering constructive criticism, accept the things I don't like about the people I do, and try to remember that everyone has a life outside of knowing me. I'm lucky to have a portion of their time and love.