(no subject)
i cant fucking stand it when my dad gets angry with me...it makes me want to die. it makes me hate myself and him so fucking much, it used to trigger cutting myself (when i was young and stupid, not that im not either of those things now....so younger and stupider). it makes my stomach churn, i bawl. fuckity fuck fuck fuck. all i did was mention what kind of traveling i want to do, the first thing he says is " youre in debt"...not "that would be nice". hes always pointing out whats wrong with my ideas, and never complimenting or making positive comments about them, its ridiculous. so i came back with "youre going to hawaii for a month and youre in debt"...and he got angry. "when was the last time we ever went anywhere? its for our 25yr anniversary. you went to san fran last summer. dont try to challenge me. dont be confrontational." its true, he has every right and reason to go on a vaca, but fuck him for saying i dont. i hate how i let that shit get to me...why cant i not care? why am i so fucking sensitive? i need a frontal labotomy stat. the way that his face distorts when he gets angry is enough to make someone pee their pants. its like something from a fucking alien movie. some horrible mutation or science experiment gone wrong. i want to take a chair to that face, cuz i want him to feel as bad as i do when he does that shit. I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE. IN THE NAME OF EVERYTHING, I NEED TO GET OUT.