(no subject)
i actually just googled "how to be spontaneous"...
you know when you remember or think of something that was/would be embarrassing or gross, how you kind of mentally shudder? i ACTUALLY shudder...most often it is just a big twitch,like my head doing a singular 'no' shake, but more and more it is being accompanied by a verbal statement like "no!" or "god!" or "ugh"...i often do this even when other people are around...this, is not normal, and happens daily.
i am way too honest for my own good, but it's the only way i know how to be.
i am terrified that no one will tell me if i am acting out of turn until it is too late and then they'll hate me.
my sister who did something along time ago that once contributed to me ODing on purpose, recently said that she thought the incident was funny...i actually have developed a sincere hate for her even though i still love her.
im having trouble making friends. i know this is mainly due to my lack of mental health and stability, im working on it.
im going back to weight watchers, i had originally lost about 26 pounds, and have gained it all back plus.
for the first time in my entire life, EVER, im beginning to want shool to be over with...im ready to move on right now.i want to make money, i want to travel, and i want to meet new people.
november 27th i will have been with mike for 3 years. i have been with him so long i don't know if i can ever let go...im scared i wouldn't be able to handle being alone.
next week we start group work in psych 395, and presentations...im not as terrified as i was at first. i bawled the night before school started, i couldnt breathe, my chest hurt, now its just butterflies.
i feel that sense of shifting ground you experience when you realise that you're world is connected to others only by your fingertips...and its uncomforting, but not entirely new for me.
you know when you remember or think of something that was/would be embarrassing or gross, how you kind of mentally shudder? i ACTUALLY shudder...most often it is just a big twitch,like my head doing a singular 'no' shake, but more and more it is being accompanied by a verbal statement like "no!" or "god!" or "ugh"...i often do this even when other people are around...this, is not normal, and happens daily.
i am way too honest for my own good, but it's the only way i know how to be.
i am terrified that no one will tell me if i am acting out of turn until it is too late and then they'll hate me.
my sister who did something along time ago that once contributed to me ODing on purpose, recently said that she thought the incident was funny...i actually have developed a sincere hate for her even though i still love her.
im having trouble making friends. i know this is mainly due to my lack of mental health and stability, im working on it.
im going back to weight watchers, i had originally lost about 26 pounds, and have gained it all back plus.
for the first time in my entire life, EVER, im beginning to want shool to be over with...im ready to move on right now.i want to make money, i want to travel, and i want to meet new people.
november 27th i will have been with mike for 3 years. i have been with him so long i don't know if i can ever let go...im scared i wouldn't be able to handle being alone.
next week we start group work in psych 395, and presentations...im not as terrified as i was at first. i bawled the night before school started, i couldnt breathe, my chest hurt, now its just butterflies.
i feel that sense of shifting ground you experience when you realise that you're world is connected to others only by your fingertips...and its uncomforting, but not entirely new for me.