musings of a man on the way forward.
So its that time of the year (last one, not this one) that one is known to pause, reflect and take stock of their lives. I'm certainly not upset with the way mine is panning out insofar as I'm pursuing my dreams and aspirations and that I'm good at what I do and I have a good job and a guaranteed place to live next year, which is more than I can say for some. Though that's never enough is it? One is never satisfied with what one actually has and rarely do they ever sit back and say "I've got it goooood" without a massive wave of what smells like irony knocking some sense into you and making you realise that nothing would make you happier than everything being different or in your eyes 'better'.
As ever my musings are about that one thing that I've never been able to choose well and even more rarely have I kept for more than a short time before promptly ditching and moving onto the next one... and somewhat unfortunately for me I'm not talking about a bottle filled with whatever alcoholic beverage is taking my fancy right now... I'm almost certainly talking about damn womens.
I wrote myself some new years resolutions... and they are nothing short of typical and highly unlikely to be achieved by virtue of the simple fact alone that they have been included in a list of the aforementioned type but I wrote anyway. It numbers only eight resolutions but the most pertinent ones are that I've resolves to be 'nice' again and that I'm going to.... and I can't believe I'm even considering this... allow more people into my life and with any luck find myself a decent woman in the process.
So often though it has to be our own... frailties that prevent us from achieving what we really want. We all know that it takes more than the nothing that the turning over of the clock to the first of January is to make some real changes to a persons life. In fact, the only way any REAL change will be seen is when (and only when) something inside the person changed. I'm the same semi-alcoholic, lonely soul that I was before the clock ticked over to midnight on the 1st of January and 2006 merged seemlessly into 2007. Nothing changed. If anything I was drunker than I had ever been ... ever at that very moment and yet I really want to change my life a little. Enough being jaded about the past - its just that. I still love her with everything I am, but somehow that will have to be repressed and dealt with at a later date as it certainly isn't going to be fixed overnight or by some rampant musings, but by another individual who blows me away like she still does -- It sounds bad but I really need to replace her and if she turned up tomorrow and asked me to start a relationship with her and my friends who knew me well enough restrained me with duct tape, ropes, chains, handcuffs, glue, lead boxes and any other truly restraining device they may be able to conjure up and even though I know it would be in my worst of worst interests... I would still go for it because I know I love her... but what hurts the most is she never actually believed me and thus she never acknowledged it.
Try that on for size, kids.
I guess my point is that NYE cops a lot of flak for being pointless and it certainly is that if we're talking in terms of occasions that truly deserve celebration but no matter how rarely resolutions are stuck to, it really is the thought that counts and we can certainly say with confidence that the year is over and we CAN start afresh... even if we do make the same mistakes again and again they're our mistakes again and we can blame no one but ourselves for those mistakes. People need a clean slate... especially when everything that could go wrong tends to happen within such a large span as a year and at the end of it people can put it all behind them, throw away their calendars and say "Fuck it! A new year dawns... bring it on!".
Is it the feeling of the unknown that makes NYE such a success for all involved even though no one admits its uses? or is it the chance to say goodbye to a shit one and hope for better times? or is it even an opportunity to farewell a great year and hope for a better one still? I guess it depends on the sort of year one has had and on ones outlook etc etc... but if we were all being honest we feel a whole bunch about the new year. We'd improve on certain parts and be exited about new mountains to climb and hope that certain highs remain in place for the whole of the year giving constant pleasure the year round.
Whatever your thoughts on NYE, you need it. I need it, we all need it because it gives us a chance to pause, reflect and most importantly realise who you are. If you didn't consciously do that, I humbly submit that you did it subconsciously and made plans accordingly.
Peace.
As ever my musings are about that one thing that I've never been able to choose well and even more rarely have I kept for more than a short time before promptly ditching and moving onto the next one... and somewhat unfortunately for me I'm not talking about a bottle filled with whatever alcoholic beverage is taking my fancy right now... I'm almost certainly talking about damn womens.
I wrote myself some new years resolutions... and they are nothing short of typical and highly unlikely to be achieved by virtue of the simple fact alone that they have been included in a list of the aforementioned type but I wrote anyway. It numbers only eight resolutions but the most pertinent ones are that I've resolves to be 'nice' again and that I'm going to.... and I can't believe I'm even considering this... allow more people into my life and with any luck find myself a decent woman in the process.
So often though it has to be our own... frailties that prevent us from achieving what we really want. We all know that it takes more than the nothing that the turning over of the clock to the first of January is to make some real changes to a persons life. In fact, the only way any REAL change will be seen is when (and only when) something inside the person changed. I'm the same semi-alcoholic, lonely soul that I was before the clock ticked over to midnight on the 1st of January and 2006 merged seemlessly into 2007. Nothing changed. If anything I was drunker than I had ever been ... ever at that very moment and yet I really want to change my life a little. Enough being jaded about the past - its just that. I still love her with everything I am, but somehow that will have to be repressed and dealt with at a later date as it certainly isn't going to be fixed overnight or by some rampant musings, but by another individual who blows me away like she still does -- It sounds bad but I really need to replace her and if she turned up tomorrow and asked me to start a relationship with her and my friends who knew me well enough restrained me with duct tape, ropes, chains, handcuffs, glue, lead boxes and any other truly restraining device they may be able to conjure up and even though I know it would be in my worst of worst interests... I would still go for it because I know I love her... but what hurts the most is she never actually believed me and thus she never acknowledged it.
Try that on for size, kids.
I guess my point is that NYE cops a lot of flak for being pointless and it certainly is that if we're talking in terms of occasions that truly deserve celebration but no matter how rarely resolutions are stuck to, it really is the thought that counts and we can certainly say with confidence that the year is over and we CAN start afresh... even if we do make the same mistakes again and again they're our mistakes again and we can blame no one but ourselves for those mistakes. People need a clean slate... especially when everything that could go wrong tends to happen within such a large span as a year and at the end of it people can put it all behind them, throw away their calendars and say "Fuck it! A new year dawns... bring it on!".
Is it the feeling of the unknown that makes NYE such a success for all involved even though no one admits its uses? or is it the chance to say goodbye to a shit one and hope for better times? or is it even an opportunity to farewell a great year and hope for a better one still? I guess it depends on the sort of year one has had and on ones outlook etc etc... but if we were all being honest we feel a whole bunch about the new year. We'd improve on certain parts and be exited about new mountains to climb and hope that certain highs remain in place for the whole of the year giving constant pleasure the year round.
Whatever your thoughts on NYE, you need it. I need it, we all need it because it gives us a chance to pause, reflect and most importantly realise who you are. If you didn't consciously do that, I humbly submit that you did it subconsciously and made plans accordingly.
Peace.