me..
Do you ever hav the feeling that you are the only person in the world who doesn't belong? Like you are the weirdest person who thinks of the most absurd things to say. You're afraid that one little thing said could ruin a friendship between someone your found of and want to stay friends with? Has it happened to you once before? Never forgot that friendship means more than a stupid comment or a silly remark. If they raise an eyebrow at you..are they realli friends? Remember that you are who you are and no one change that...
Goddammit i always feel that way..like everyone's better, funnier, more fun to be around that me. That all my friends are realli my friends and couldn't give a fux what happens to me. I feel that whenever i sit next to someone, they always move to sit near someone else..turn to talk to someone else..i just want to scream..HELLO I'M HERE TOO..i hate not being able to be myself in fear that i might be ridiculed for who i am and what i say. That people feel forced to call me their best friend...that they are even forced to talk to me..and by who? Me..like that if i wasn't there they'd have an easier life. Maybe, i guess, it is that way for some but god..i hope it's not for others.
^^Sorry..feeling kinda down right now..hating the feeling..had a long two weeks..hates me^^
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately. All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind. I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I've got to do or who I'm supposed to be. I don't want to be anything other than me...
Past two weeks kind of flew by..nothing realli to say about them except that Matt kinda sorta asked me out and i kinda sorta said no. Don't get me wrong he's great..but i'm just kind of curious about Alex..since he hasn't IMed me.. maybe he never will..guess i'll have to wait and see.. I had to bring Diana home from soccer and she called lauryn (i think) and was talking about someone not being "very attractive" and then discussing what they'll do this weekend. I know i'm going to be in Massachusettes but Lauryn said to me that she could'nt do anything this weekend..so there i am waiting for my mom to come get us and diana keeps walking away from me..god i really am comfused at who i'm suppose to be. AM i suppose to be outgoing? no thats kayla's job..funny? no..thats diana and jocelyns job..what am i? who needs me? i have no outstanding characteristics ..nothing that should catch anyone's eye..im just average..just me..
Goddammit i always feel that way..like everyone's better, funnier, more fun to be around that me. That all my friends are realli my friends and couldn't give a fux what happens to me. I feel that whenever i sit next to someone, they always move to sit near someone else..turn to talk to someone else..i just want to scream..HELLO I'M HERE TOO..i hate not being able to be myself in fear that i might be ridiculed for who i am and what i say. That people feel forced to call me their best friend...that they are even forced to talk to me..and by who? Me..like that if i wasn't there they'd have an easier life. Maybe, i guess, it is that way for some but god..i hope it's not for others.
^^Sorry..feeling kinda down right now..hating the feeling..had a long two weeks..hates me^^
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately. All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind. I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I've got to do or who I'm supposed to be. I don't want to be anything other than me...
Past two weeks kind of flew by..nothing realli to say about them except that Matt kinda sorta asked me out and i kinda sorta said no. Don't get me wrong he's great..but i'm just kind of curious about Alex..since he hasn't IMed me.. maybe he never will..guess i'll have to wait and see.. I had to bring Diana home from soccer and she called lauryn (i think) and was talking about someone not being "very attractive" and then discussing what they'll do this weekend. I know i'm going to be in Massachusettes but Lauryn said to me that she could'nt do anything this weekend..so there i am waiting for my mom to come get us and diana keeps walking away from me..god i really am comfused at who i'm suppose to be. AM i suppose to be outgoing? no thats kayla's job..funny? no..thats diana and jocelyns job..what am i? who needs me? i have no outstanding characteristics ..nothing that should catch anyone's eye..im just average..just me..