oh brad, let’s get out of here. i’m cold, i’m wet, and i’m just plain scared!
In the velvet darkness, of the blackest night / Burning bright, there’s a guiding star / No matter what, or who, who you are
There's a light (over at the Frankenstein place) / There's a light (burning in the fireplace) / Theres a light, light, in the darkness of everybody-
C: Schuester! You messing with my woman?
W: I...
C: I thought we had a deal.
W: This is the face of a guy who stepped in it? How did it get to this? How did a production of a Rocky Horror turn into my horror? It all started a week ago...
K: So what are you gonna be for Halloween this year?
B: I’m going as a peanut allergy.
W: Great news, guys. I’ve had a little inspiration. This week’s musical lesson isn’t really a lesson, it’s a musical.
R: Please be Evita, please be Evita, please be Evita.
W: Rocky Horror.
F: I’ve never seen it.
R: Mr. Schue?
W: Yep?
R: While I admire your choice of the groundbreaking 70s musical, aren’t you worried that the adult themes might be a point of controversy?
K: Seriously. A school in Texas couldn’t even do Rent. Caused an outrage and they had to cancel the show.
W: Isn’t that the whole point of the Arts? Pushing boundaries. Doing things people say you can’t do for the sake of self expression?
W: But I got it all figured out I cut out some of the more risque sections, and I’m sending home permission slips to all your parents to make sure that they’re okay with it. And we’re going to charge admission and use the proceeds to help pay for transportation to Nationals in New York. Okay. Let’s talk about casting.
R: Oh, Finn and I will play Brad and Janet.
W: Oh.
A: And I’ll be playing the guy in the wheelchair, right?
W: That’s what I was thinking. And I thought Kurt could play the role of Frank-N-Furter.
K: Mmm, no. There is no way I’m playing a transvestite in high heels and fishnets and wearing lipstick.
S: Why? Because that look was last season?
M: I’ll do it.
T: Really? That’s like the male lead.
M: I know but I’m feeling a little more confident about my singing voice after our duets project.
W: Great, I have no problem with that. Now we’re a little short on female roles so we’re going to have to double up on Columbias and Magentas.
R: It’s standard practice on Broadway. It’ll preserve your voices.
M: I’d like to preserve you. In a jar. In my basement.
W: Sam, I’d like you to play the role of The Creature.
S: From the Black Lagoon?
Q: Rocky, he’s like the Frankenstein character but blond. You’ll kill the part. He’s cute just like you.
S: Better start working on those abs.
S: Are you kidding me? You could cut glass with these babies. I’ve got no problem showing off my body.
W: Okay. Looks like we’ve got ourselves a show.
R: So then after the Time Warp Riff Raff aka Kurt takes us to Frank-N-Furter's lab.
F: I have no idea what’s going on in this script and it’s not in a cool Inception kind of way.
R: Just try, okay? Alright so then they take off our wet clothes and we do the rest of the scene in our underwear.
F: Wait, I’m in my tightie whities?
R: Yeah.
F: I can’t be on stage in front of the whole school in my tightie whities. They’re gonna be able to see my whole... business.
R: Come on, it’ll just be like going to the pool.
F: I wear a swimshirt at the pool. I tell everybody it’s because I burn easily.
F: But look, I know I’m a big athlete and it’s not manly or anything but I’m kinda insecure about how I look.
R: Come on, you just, you know, you have a different body type. I don’t look like Brittany or Santana but you still think I’m hot, right?
F: Mmm, yeah, of course.
R: So the, you’re just gonna have to trust me that you’re the hottest guy in school. Okay? Come here.
F: Okay.
R: Alright, so, then after that Frank-N-Furter is gonna come down in an elevator. When he comes down we are scared. I might faint.
W: Alright, places Finn and Rachel. I’m gonna start with Damnit, Janet.
S: I cannot wait until Finn takes his top off so we can all see the hotness underneath.
F: What are you talking about?
B: You can’t have Sloppy Joes every day for lunch and think you can get away with it.
R: Um, that’s incredibly rude.
Q: Is it? Guys whisper behind our backs about how we girls look every day. They objectify us all the time.
T: She sort of has a point.
S: Yeah, earlier today Artie asked if he could make a gigantic omelette when I’m done with the ostrich eggs I’m smuggling in my bra.
B: I’m super looking forward to seeing Sam in his gold bikini.
S: It’s going to be abulous.
F: Can we get on with rehearsal, please?
R: Yeah.
W: I agree, yes, let’s stay focused guys. Riff Raff and Columbia and Magenta Team 1, take your places. Let’s rock and roll.
Hey, Janet / Yes Brad? / I’ve got something to say / Uh huh? / I really loved the skillful way / You beat the other girls, to the bride’s bouquet / Oh, Brad
The river was deep but I swam it. Janet. / The future is ours, so let’s plan it. Janet. / So please don’t tell me to can it. Janet. / I’ve one thing to say and that’s damn it, Janet, I love you.
The road was long but I ran it. Janet. / There’s a fire in my heard and you fan it. Janet. / If there’s one fool for you then I am it. Janet. / I’ve one thing to say and that’s damn it, Janet, I love you.
Here’s a ring to prove I’m no joker / There’s three ways that love can grow / That’s good bad or mediocre / Oh J-A-N-E-T I love you so
Oh it’s nicer than Betty Munroe had. Oh Brad. / Now we’re engaged and I’m so glad. Oh Brad. / That you’ve met Mom and you know dad. Oh Brad. / I’ve one thing to say and that’s Brad, I’m mad, for you too.
W: I don’t understand.
C: Well, you guys have a hole to fill and I’m just trying to help fill it.
S: Wanky.
E: Santana.
W: Well, you know, I can’t just give you a role. You’d have to try out.
C: Well, fair enough, but I’ll need a lady to sing to. Ems? Hot Patootie, b-flat.
What ever happened to Saturday night? / When you dressed up sharp and you felt all right? / It don’t seem the same since cosmic light / Came into my life, I thought I was divine / I used to go for a ride with a chick who’d go / And listen to the music on the radio / A saxophone was blowin’ on a rock-n-roll show / You climbed in the back seat / You really had a good time / Hot Patootie, bless my soul / I really love that rock-n-roll / Hot Patootie, bless my soul / I really love that rock-n-roll
My head used to swim from the perfume I smelt / My hands kind of fumbled with her white plastic belt / I’d taste her baby pink lipstick and that’s when I’d melt / She’d whisper in my ear, tonight she really was mine / Get back infront and put some hair oil on / Buddy Holly was singin’ his very last song / With your arms around your girl, you’d try and sing-a-long / You felt pretty good / You really had a good time / Hot Patootie, bless my soul / I really love that rock-n-roll / Hot Patootie, bless my soul / I really love that rock-n-roll
Hot Patootie, bless my soul / I really love that rock-n-roll / Hot Patootie, bless my soul / I really love that rock-n-roll / Hot Patootie, bless my soul / I really love that rock-n-roll / Hot Patootie, bless my soul / I really love that rock-n-roll
S: No, no, no, wait, wait, wait. This will not do.
C: Excuse me?
S: For this musical to continue, we need a Frank-N-Furter. Not an Eddie. Eddie was eliminated in my rewrites.
W: Sue's right. You wanna play in our sandbox, sing a Frank-N-Furter number.
C: Well, I'm sorry, bro, but I think it's fine to wear the Franky bustier in the privacy of your own home - I'm freaky like that - but don't you think it's a little inappropriate in a high school musical? I mean at least if I play Eddie, I won't have to grind up against the students. You know, Eddie is an important role. If I did it then I would be showing my support for the arts.
W: You telling me how to direct my show?
C: Will, Will.
M: Mr Schue? I'd like to play Frank-N-Furter. I was rereading the script yesterday and it said "don't dream it, be it." And it's my dream to play a lead role so I figure why not me? I mean I would be all kinds of crazy sexy in that outfit. And I can reinterpret the number a little bit, make it more modern. I'd really like the chance, Mr. Schue.
S: Well, there you go, Will. You killed two birds with one stone here today. Congradulations. Look, you got yourself a Frank-N-Furter and an Eddie. This is outstanding.
W: Are you ready for our first dress rehearsal? Okay, guys, places.
F: Uh, Mr. Schue? Uh, I know I’m supposed to be in my underwear for this scene, and I’m totally down with that, I thought maybe I would save it for the opening, if that’s okay.
S: Also, Miss Pillsbury is there a way I could wear like some gold board shorts or something? These are really short and I’m afraid I’m gonna show off some nuttage.
W: We’ll take a note. We can’t stop guys. It’s a dress rehearsal, come on, keep going. And action!
R: Oh Brad, let’s get out of here. I’m cold, I’m wet, and I’m just plain scared!
F: I’m here, there’s nothing to worry about.
How do you do, I / See you’ve met my / Faithful handyman / He’s just a little brought down / Because when you knocked / He thought you were the candyman
Don’t get strung out by the way I look / Don’t judge a book by its cover / I’m not much of a girl in the light of day / But by night I’m one hell of a lover / I’m just a sweet transvestite / From sinsational, Transylvania.
Why don’t you, stay for the night? / Or maybe a bite / I could show you my favorite obsession / I’ve been making a man / With blond hair and a tan / And he’s good for relieving my, tension
I’m just a sweet transvestite / From sinsational, Transylvania / I’m just a sweet transvestite / From sinsational, Transylvania
So, come up to the lab / And see, what’s on the slab / I see you shiver with antici- pation / But maybe the rain / Is really to blame / So I’ll remove the cause / But not the symptom
E: Now that's an entrance.
C: Mr. Director, I take that wall out, right?
W: You're two acts early, Carl. You're suppose to bust through the dinner party scene.
C: Oh, well, actually, I was sort of feeling my entrance in this scene.
E: Such good, good, interesting impulses.
W: Bravo, Carl, bravo.
A: Eddie. I've seen him.
M: Eddie? What do you know of Eddie, Dr. Scott?
A: I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things. You see, Eddie happens to be my nephew.
S: This play is terrible.
W: Finn’s line, Dr. Scott!
R: Oh!
A: Janet!
R: Dr Scott!
W: Finn’s line, Janet!
S: I’m so bored I just fell into a microsleep.
R: Brad!
M: Rocky!
W: Grrr!
A: Janet!
R: Dr. Scott!
W: Still being Finn, Janet!
R: Brad!
S: None of this is plausible.
M: Rocky!
W: Grr.
A: Janet.
R: Dr. Scott!
W: Finn’s line, Janet!
R: Brad!
M: Rocky!
W: Grr.
S: This play has incredible pacing problems.
R: Mr. Schue, it is pointless to rehearse this scene without Finn.
W: Well we don’t have a choice, he’s late and he’s not answering his phone, we gotta get this timing down, guys. And would you please stop interjecting your opinions, Sue.
S: Opinions? These are my re-writes.
F: William? I would like to see you in my office please.
There's a light--
C: Schuester! You messing with my woman? I thought we had a deal.
W: I, uh, I don't know what you're talking about.
C: Yes, you do. Because Emma and I have a full disclosure policy. Total honesty. Something that allows us to have a little thing I like to call intimacy. Something you clearly know nothing about.
W: Look, we were just rehearsing-
C: Stop it, bro! Man to man, you gave me your word.
W: So what? You quitting the show?
C: No, no, no. Unlike you, I believe in the power of the arts. I don't use it to pick up other guy's chicks.
W: I want to apologize for putting you guys through all this. Particularly Finn and Sam.
F: It’s cool, Mr. Schue. I’m sure the teasing will die down by the time my tenth reunion rolls around.
S: And I got asked to be in June in the Men on McKinley High calendar.
W: I’m happy for you but we still can’t do the musical. Look, I was wrong. Rocky Horror isn’t about pushing boundaries or making an audience accept a certain rebellious point of view. Those are my reasons for doing it. And they aren’t worth risking what we have here. When I was younger they started midnight shows of Rocky Horror, it wasn’t for envelope pushers. It was for outcasts. People on the fringes who had no place left to go but were searching for someplace. Any place, where they felt like they belonged. Sound familiar? The truth is, with that perspective, Rocky Horror is the perfect show for this club.
S: Well then why aren’t we putting it on?
W: We’re still gonna perform Rocky Horror. We’re just not doing it for an audience. We’re doing it for ourselves.
It’s astounding / Time is fleeting / Madness, takes it’s toll / But listen closely / Nor for very much longer / I’ve got to keep control /
I remember doing the time-warp / Drinking those moments when / The blackness would hit me / And the void would be calling / Let’s do the time-warp again / Let’s do the time-warp again / It’s just a jump to the left / And then a step to the right / Put your hands on your hips / You bring your knees in tight / But it’s the pelvic thrust / That really drives you insane / Let’s do the time-warp again / Let’s do the time-warp again
It’s so dreamy, oh fantasy free me / So you can’t see me, no, not at all / In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention / Well secluded, I see it all / With a bit of a mind flip / You’re into the time slip / And nothing can ever be the same / You’re spaced out on sensation / Like you’re under sedation / Let’s do the time-warp again / Let’s do the time-warp again / Well I was walking down the street / Just-a having a think / When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink / He shook-a me up, he took me by surprise / He had a pickup truck and the devil’s eyes / He stared at me and I felt a change / Time meant nothing, never would again
Let’s do the time-warp again / Let’s do the time-warp again / It’s just a jump to the left / And then a step to the right / Put your hands on your hips / You bring your knees in tight / But it’s the pelvic thrust / That really drives you insane / Let’s do the time-warp again / Let’s do the time-warp again
I ♥ Rachel Berry